We Really Do Need Relationship

Effective communication is challenging.  I am often surprised that any of us get anything communicated well.  Every individual 'hears' everything through lives colored by experience.  We put on audio 'filters' that have been pressed into our lives from various situations.  Take for example answering a sales call.  Once you recognize it as such, you stop listening and plan your escape with one of your usual lines.  When we go to church and 'listen' to the sermon we 'filter' or 'extract' that which God 'speaks' to us and immediately apply it to our lives...or do we really?  Carrie used to tell me, with greater frequency in the past, that she told me something and for the life of me, I didn't remember.  Yes, I 'filtered' it out then and still do on occasion now...hoping it happens with decreasing occurrence.

It strikes me that effective communication requires several things.  

Being careful when applying our audio filters.

One size fits all isn't a good thing...unless you are a hat.  It certainly doesn't work for underwear and definitely does not work for audio filters. We should develop a process of good hearing.  Okay, so I never have yet to respond in the past 20 years to a cold call positively, but maybe someday I should.  I think what we need to do is be careful that we don't always apply what seems to be 'the appropriate listening filter' for each situation.  I find myself trying to 'hear' people for who they are.  I actually let the phone salesperson know that while they might be thankful for their job, I just won't be the one taking them up on their offer, wishing them well.  

When it comes to 'listening', I seem to 'hear' better when I have a relationship with the person I am 'listening' to.  If I am connected to their heart, I have a more decreased capability to misunderstand them.  This is important, connecting to hearts, is essential for listening.  I want to be connected to my loving lady consistently, I need to be ready to hear her and not turn my ears off, filtering her words into oblivion.  She is not a cold caller.

If someone 'tells' me something hurtful and I know their lives are full of hurt, I don't take it personally.  Hurt people hurt people.  If they aren't hurt people and they 'say' something seemingly hurtful, my first thought is "What part of this do I own?"  My second thought might be, they didn't really mean to say that to hurt me.  I must be misunderstanding their meaning...unless God makes it stick.

Apply the filter of their heart as they communicate with you.

When we know someone and have a relationship with them, we can use their heart as the 'filter'.  I know that Carrie, my wife is not my enemy, so when she 'criticizes' me it is probably for my good, something I need to pay attention to.  I have a relationship with my pastor, not just a pastoral one, he knows my faults and I his.  And together we press each other toward the mark.  I have found that the better I know someone, the better the communication.  Even as you read this, the better you know me, the better your understanding of my heart with which I write.  I am imperfect and desire great communication, and while some follow my blog, the most persistent are those whose lives are connected with mine.  Learn to 'listen' to the heart behind these words and the words of your friends and family, those closest to you.

Allow God to help you grow and understand others.

This one is crucial to us as believers and the most powerful and effective way to 'filter' the communication with others.  No matter who, when or where someone 'speaks' into your life, ask God to help you 'filter' His work into your life.  Why did that thought, expectation, or attempt to communicate enter your life?  One day there may be a sales call I need to 'listen' to...or maybe not.  But I know for sure, when my wife 'speaks', I need to 'listen'.  I know when my pastor or friends 'speak', the same need occur.  And I still need to 'filter' it.  I should process it and apply it when relevant to my growth.  And how do I know it is relevant?  When God confirms it to be...and most often, it will smack me upside the head.

Learn to hear humbly.

This final one is probably going to take a lifetime for me to understand...because I am human.  Yes pride has it's claws around my heart.  Yet I believe God to be more powerful than my pride, my selfish ambition, or sinful nature.  He can break me of this.   He has some requirements.   I need to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with my God (Micah 6:8).  In order to do so, I need to listen, not to me, to Him.  It requires submission of my will to His.  He will help me learn to give up my self-centeredness, letting Him help me 'filter' all that comes my way.  

If you don't know me, you might misunderstand the whole meaning of all this, and all my blogs.  But if you read them, you might get to know me, the real me...the one full of struggles and triumphs as these footprints of faith move through life.  And maybe, just maybe, God might use the small voice of this ordinary guy to speak His truth into your life as He has mine.  As a long ago pastoral friend of mine (Reuben Welch) said in one of his books, "We Really Do Need to Listen".  What did you hear from this post?  Is any of it from God Himself?  That is my desire.  Mostly, I also believe to hear well... We Really Do Need Relationship.