Maybe it's just the friends I have, and the upheaval rising in their lives as pressing changes are required; maybe it's just the places God is taking me, in my home, in my community, and in every community He leads me to visit, where myself, my wife, and a plethora of others find themselves standing on the precipice of an unsettled future, immediate and distant, and what will unfold; Or maybe, it has always been this way and I was unable to see it.
These eyes of faith, and heart are seeing a host of people wrestling in turmoil, looking for hope, and searching for the truth, the way, and the light. Is it just me? Or if we all stop just thinking about ourselves and our own lives, being consumed by our own problems, our own upheavals, will we discover that our situation reflects what is common in all, in our homes, our marriages, our community, our nation, our world? Unrest, unease, an unsettling seems to be rising not in all, but in most, most who are aware and, to me, many who are following Jesus.
Can you feel it? Can you hear it? It is as if a call of urgency and an opening of doors unlike any in recent memories of peoples is on our doorstep. It seems to be a call to cease influence by the vacuum and void of world, and begin being influenced by the glorious God who runs it. It is a call to change the priorities in our lives to reflect our claim of the divine call upon our hearts, the true and real call of Godliness and purity; The call that restores and gives hope to the hopeless, and brings grace into what could usher in chaos.
Could it be that I am just being thrust into situation after situation where the people are faced with challenging upheaval in their lives, along with that in the life of my wife and I? Could it be that for some reason these are actually microcosms of upheaval and distress? As you read, and wonder if I am simply overly dramatizing the general state of our lives here, could it be that you are so steeped in your own problems that you cannot see it in others?
Something's always afoot. We may go through brief times of contentment and satisfaction, and should they continue, sloth and mindless waste result. But is there an arising, an unsettling, and upheaval in general? Is my experience really the norm? Only time will tell. How much we have left, may not be much.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Greater Glory Unleashed by a Great God!
It has been a long time since I have taken a pulpit, and having done so in the past, realize that I am a teacher, not a preacher; That is, unless I do what I know in my heart is correct. For I have come to discover, when I take the pulpit, I have noting to say, but God has everything to say. The longer I live, the more I come to realize, just like the writers of scripture, that if God speaks, God leads and God does through me, the outcome glows with His glory and shines beyond the wildest of imaginings!
In John 17, I can't seem to get the words of Jesus out of my head. As He prays for us, His people, He says that we will do greater things than He as He walked the earth. Centuries later, I look at His people, finding myself asking, where are these greater things? While I have come to discover that many of them are the quiet, faithful workings of saints praying diligently in their closets, others, quietly and faithfully serving those in need, and a few seeking the miraculous hand of God on the behalf of others and seeing His glorious provision, why isn't the world being overwhelmed with us, His children accomplishing these greater things?
The answer seems to spring right before my own eyes of unfaithfulness. Finding myself wrestling to read scripture, attempting to fill more of my day with prayer, less of it with the filling of garbage the world presses in via media, internet and false hype; 'eye candy' stirring up incorrect desires and distractions of self gain vs. self sacrifice. With God's help, I wrestle to slay the dragon of self, pressing on to accept, fully comprehend, the sacrifice of Jesus, for my incompetence and wayward self.
So here I return to the heart of the issue, that God be glorified as I walk in faith with Him. That He take this heart of selfishness and release it to become an example of His heart of service, healing, and hope. As I prepare for two incredibly diverse yet profound opportunities for this insignificant man, I desire to fully recognize that I have a seed of ability, but only when submitted to Christ, will He turn them into glorious acts with incredible result. Preaching tomorrow, jumping on a plane next week to the Balkans to inspire teachers and students in a foreign land? The only way it will be more than the tiny blessing I can muster, is if God Himself touch it, build it and transforms my minuscule offering into the greater things He longs to do in the hearts of those He loves. Greater glory unleashed by a great God! Will you pray with me as I undertake these tasks with Him?
To God be the glory!
In John 17, I can't seem to get the words of Jesus out of my head. As He prays for us, His people, He says that we will do greater things than He as He walked the earth. Centuries later, I look at His people, finding myself asking, where are these greater things? While I have come to discover that many of them are the quiet, faithful workings of saints praying diligently in their closets, others, quietly and faithfully serving those in need, and a few seeking the miraculous hand of God on the behalf of others and seeing His glorious provision, why isn't the world being overwhelmed with us, His children accomplishing these greater things?
The answer seems to spring right before my own eyes of unfaithfulness. Finding myself wrestling to read scripture, attempting to fill more of my day with prayer, less of it with the filling of garbage the world presses in via media, internet and false hype; 'eye candy' stirring up incorrect desires and distractions of self gain vs. self sacrifice. With God's help, I wrestle to slay the dragon of self, pressing on to accept, fully comprehend, the sacrifice of Jesus, for my incompetence and wayward self.
So here I return to the heart of the issue, that God be glorified as I walk in faith with Him. That He take this heart of selfishness and release it to become an example of His heart of service, healing, and hope. As I prepare for two incredibly diverse yet profound opportunities for this insignificant man, I desire to fully recognize that I have a seed of ability, but only when submitted to Christ, will He turn them into glorious acts with incredible result. Preaching tomorrow, jumping on a plane next week to the Balkans to inspire teachers and students in a foreign land? The only way it will be more than the tiny blessing I can muster, is if God Himself touch it, build it and transforms my minuscule offering into the greater things He longs to do in the hearts of those He loves. Greater glory unleashed by a great God! Will you pray with me as I undertake these tasks with Him?
To God be the glory!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
God's Plan for This Small Man
Awakened at 3:38am this morning, tossing around I found myself praying for a few friends brought to mind then pressing on to think about all that will transpire over the next month. Thoughts of my travels, heading to similar climes, one in America, the other in the Balkans, was conjuring up the sights and smells of the areas, having been to both before. Stirred in my musings were mixed with my memories of walking and working at JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory, the unmanned space exploration arm of NASA). Yes, indeed, I oft thought that just breathing the air and working on lab, made me more intelligent and scientifically productive. Rubbing shoulders with explorers, inventors, and a host of those who enable the accomplishments of dreams and incredible tasks invigorated my soul in those days. Just thinking about it takes me right back to the experience, like a soldier thinking about his time on the battlefield, the emotions, the odors, the feelings, the intensity of living and surviving with vigor and focus. It seems that the sights, aromas but mostly the people, amazing people connect the remembrance with verve and vitality.
The commonality of the sights and smells links with my soul, it's need to be present, alive and aware of the sights and smells as I move through the adventures my Lord leads. The movie, with smell-o-vision springs forth nearly as if I were fully present in the time of remembrance, emotions and all. Unlike the military metaphor, however, the the memory is fully sweet and the fragrance wonderfully blessed.
Yes, I get to go; go to Michigan to visit beloved family and then to Croatia and Bosnia to revisit the place I was privileged to see a year ago. In both places I will be connecting with new communities and new people, speaking to each as a relative stranger. Given opportunity to fill the pulpit of Faith Journey Church on the 28th, I am led to speak of community and our connection to the communities we establish relations with. In Bosnia, I will be connecting with a community of teachers as it seems I am to go there to assist in the inspiration of their skills and talents as well. Two entirely different cultures, vastly different communities, but similar undertakings and communications to each. If you know me, you know I am 'wired' for this kind of stuff, not that I have the full abilities to accomplish this well, but I know the one who will lead me and speak through me, Jesus.
Indeed, I am a man living the dream. I have been given opportunity and challenge that extends far beyond my capabilities, yet the successes serve as tribute to the one and only God and inspiration of my soul. He gives me guidance when I arrive at the end of my capabilities. I often found success because He has not failed me. So, as I find myself standing on the precipice of two wonderful adventures, this first to Michigan to be with Carrie's family, and the second to join with some amazing people in Croatia and Bosnia, I stand fully cognizant of three things, the sights and aromas of each place, but mostly the communities of people who make the experience rich and memorable! I frequently need to pinch myself to assure myself that I'm not dreaming, only to discover that I am...living the dream, God's plan, for this small man.
The commonality of the sights and smells links with my soul, it's need to be present, alive and aware of the sights and smells as I move through the adventures my Lord leads. The movie, with smell-o-vision springs forth nearly as if I were fully present in the time of remembrance, emotions and all. Unlike the military metaphor, however, the the memory is fully sweet and the fragrance wonderfully blessed.
Yes, I get to go; go to Michigan to visit beloved family and then to Croatia and Bosnia to revisit the place I was privileged to see a year ago. In both places I will be connecting with new communities and new people, speaking to each as a relative stranger. Given opportunity to fill the pulpit of Faith Journey Church on the 28th, I am led to speak of community and our connection to the communities we establish relations with. In Bosnia, I will be connecting with a community of teachers as it seems I am to go there to assist in the inspiration of their skills and talents as well. Two entirely different cultures, vastly different communities, but similar undertakings and communications to each. If you know me, you know I am 'wired' for this kind of stuff, not that I have the full abilities to accomplish this well, but I know the one who will lead me and speak through me, Jesus.
Indeed, I am a man living the dream. I have been given opportunity and challenge that extends far beyond my capabilities, yet the successes serve as tribute to the one and only God and inspiration of my soul. He gives me guidance when I arrive at the end of my capabilities. I often found success because He has not failed me. So, as I find myself standing on the precipice of two wonderful adventures, this first to Michigan to be with Carrie's family, and the second to join with some amazing people in Croatia and Bosnia, I stand fully cognizant of three things, the sights and aromas of each place, but mostly the communities of people who make the experience rich and memorable! I frequently need to pinch myself to assure myself that I'm not dreaming, only to discover that I am...living the dream, God's plan, for this small man.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Waiting, Willing and Wowed!
The time period has been very brief, my announcement of my trip to Livno, Bosnia, and the overall response has been amazing! I found myself waiting upon God for His leading and it seemed right to launch myself to Bosnia, but how does an unemployed dude go about this? My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak! Yet I stand here wowed by God's provision thus far, through my family and friends.
So what exactly do I mean? First, my efforts and planning of presentations have been well received by the leaders of the teacher conference. I used a tool, Google Translator, to help them in the translation of my documents and they are appreciative of my efforts and quite surprised at the way it worked, needing only some minor massaging to make it fully comprehensible as I intended. And lastly, but not insignificant, I have 2/3 of my required support to go. My plane ticket fully covered at this point!!!
The final third is for my expenses while there, and I am confident that God will provide! With a little more than two weeks to go, He has provided so much in so little time! This act and work of our Lord is so humbling; so amazing; so Godlike! My heart continues to swell with anticipation, appreciation, and amazement at the way this is all coming together. I hope you can sense and feel it in my writings!!!!!!!
If you would like to contribute, via prayers and other means of support, please feel free to join in this adventure, investing in the education of young hearts in Bosnia. You can look to my previous posts to find where to send checks and how to earmark it for this trip. Feel free to respond or comment at the end of this blog as well. Thank you all for reading and for your blessing of prayer paving my way forward in this endeavor. May you be richly blessed for all you contribute for His glory! I stand here waiting, willing and wowed by the owner of it all, God.
So what exactly do I mean? First, my efforts and planning of presentations have been well received by the leaders of the teacher conference. I used a tool, Google Translator, to help them in the translation of my documents and they are appreciative of my efforts and quite surprised at the way it worked, needing only some minor massaging to make it fully comprehensible as I intended. And lastly, but not insignificant, I have 2/3 of my required support to go. My plane ticket fully covered at this point!!!
The final third is for my expenses while there, and I am confident that God will provide! With a little more than two weeks to go, He has provided so much in so little time! This act and work of our Lord is so humbling; so amazing; so Godlike! My heart continues to swell with anticipation, appreciation, and amazement at the way this is all coming together. I hope you can sense and feel it in my writings!!!!!!!
If you would like to contribute, via prayers and other means of support, please feel free to join in this adventure, investing in the education of young hearts in Bosnia. You can look to my previous posts to find where to send checks and how to earmark it for this trip. Feel free to respond or comment at the end of this blog as well. Thank you all for reading and for your blessing of prayer paving my way forward in this endeavor. May you be richly blessed for all you contribute for His glory! I stand here waiting, willing and wowed by the owner of it all, God.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Surreal and Surrounded
Just a few images of Livno. You can click on them to make the larger.
The City of Livno
The "Spring"
More of Livno
This will be the place to stop to see and learn about my trip as I head off to the Balkans. These were pictures taken by two of the missions team who I traveled with last year. I was unable to go because of illness. I get the chance to go to Livno next month, for more than a week!
This is a HUGE step of faith for me. With my health issues, I must be careful wherever I am, but to be so far away from home without the 'other nurse' Cheri in Trogir, I can use all the prayer you all can muster for a safe and healthy trip. God will do and care for me as He did on my last excursion, so I go in confidence and faith, but not flippantly. There is a difference between caution and ignorance, boldness and stupidity. So I go with eyes wide open, remaining fully dependent upon our Lord.
With faith I have purchased my ticket, and do my due diligence, planning the in service presentations. I don't want to be presumptuous and think I have it all figured out. Just like the last trip, what I thought I'd be doing was only partly right. I needed to flex and be respondent to the people, discovering as I went, the reason for my being part of the trip. I expect this one to be no different. There is a calm that enters my heart when I remember and think about Croatia. I suspect that this new adventure into Bosnia will bring new understanding into my heart about the area there. My cohorts from our last excursion speak highly as their trip to Bosnia was the highlight for many, the highlight that I missed, but get to deeply engage in as I go soon.
What strikes me is that two years ago, I would have never guessed that I'd be here on the precipice of such an adventure, using skills with which I have been blessed. The greatest skills I have been blessed with is that of flexibility and compassion. My love for people, any people is something God uses with regularity as I embark on daily excursions, be it around Santee, to Michigan, or overseas. Four years ago, I felt that our Lord would be calling His people to do some drastic things, of whom Carrie and I were and are. Nearly three years ago He led us to change churches which was extremely difficult for us. Yet over time it has become abundantly clear why He asked us to follow Him to where we find ourselves now, walking with Jesus into incredible places, to do incredible works, all with His power, not ours, for His glory, not ours.
Please continue to pray for this trip and all that God would have me learn and do. I am hoping to get some study time in as well as I prepare for my next two ministerial classes, each requiring about 20-40 hours of preparation before I go in May. I'll have a lot of time on the plane trips, and hopefully some time while there. Thank you for your prayerful support. I could not do this, or even dream to do it without that which you provide through your prayers, and He provide through strength and wisdom. You are my partner in the trip and I appreciate you!!!
I feel as if in a surreal time and place, yet surrounded by so many friends and supporters of the great calling of God upon our hearts. Thanks again!
This will be the place to stop to see and learn about my trip as I head off to the Balkans. These were pictures taken by two of the missions team who I traveled with last year. I was unable to go because of illness. I get the chance to go to Livno next month, for more than a week!
This is a HUGE step of faith for me. With my health issues, I must be careful wherever I am, but to be so far away from home without the 'other nurse' Cheri in Trogir, I can use all the prayer you all can muster for a safe and healthy trip. God will do and care for me as He did on my last excursion, so I go in confidence and faith, but not flippantly. There is a difference between caution and ignorance, boldness and stupidity. So I go with eyes wide open, remaining fully dependent upon our Lord.
With faith I have purchased my ticket, and do my due diligence, planning the in service presentations. I don't want to be presumptuous and think I have it all figured out. Just like the last trip, what I thought I'd be doing was only partly right. I needed to flex and be respondent to the people, discovering as I went, the reason for my being part of the trip. I expect this one to be no different. There is a calm that enters my heart when I remember and think about Croatia. I suspect that this new adventure into Bosnia will bring new understanding into my heart about the area there. My cohorts from our last excursion speak highly as their trip to Bosnia was the highlight for many, the highlight that I missed, but get to deeply engage in as I go soon.
What strikes me is that two years ago, I would have never guessed that I'd be here on the precipice of such an adventure, using skills with which I have been blessed. The greatest skills I have been blessed with is that of flexibility and compassion. My love for people, any people is something God uses with regularity as I embark on daily excursions, be it around Santee, to Michigan, or overseas. Four years ago, I felt that our Lord would be calling His people to do some drastic things, of whom Carrie and I were and are. Nearly three years ago He led us to change churches which was extremely difficult for us. Yet over time it has become abundantly clear why He asked us to follow Him to where we find ourselves now, walking with Jesus into incredible places, to do incredible works, all with His power, not ours, for His glory, not ours.
Please continue to pray for this trip and all that God would have me learn and do. I am hoping to get some study time in as well as I prepare for my next two ministerial classes, each requiring about 20-40 hours of preparation before I go in May. I'll have a lot of time on the plane trips, and hopefully some time while there. Thank you for your prayerful support. I could not do this, or even dream to do it without that which you provide through your prayers, and He provide through strength and wisdom. You are my partner in the trip and I appreciate you!!!
I feel as if in a surreal time and place, yet surrounded by so many friends and supporters of the great calling of God upon our hearts. Thanks again!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Grateful Gifts for Hopeful Hearts
I am thankful for the plethora of teaching experience, insight and effectiveness God has built into my teaching career investing in the lives of young minds. I am also grateful for opportunities to inspire other teachers through presentations around the nation. Having the privilege of working with and gleaning from many amazing colleagues, I have come to recognize the refreshing benefits of learning from others as part of maintaining my excellence and verve as a teacher. I believe God is calling me to take the toolbox He has blessed me with to others, encouraging my colleagues in Bosnia to continue in growth and teaching passion. If you would like to join me in these endeavors, I ask you to pray that God gives me His wisdom as I plan and go. While time is short until the trip, I have already submitted my presentation papers to be translated into Hrvatski, and am excited to learn and encourage learning in Livno, Bosnia as part of a teacher's conference the week of March 7-11.
I will be flying out of San Diego March 3th, returning the 14th as this is the most economical flight and will allow prayer time in the Balkans and even solitude in a foreign land. While the land isn't totally foreign to me, having been there only a year ago, and having invested some time in learning some of the language, my heart continues to be drawn into use, building relationships and care for others wherever they may be. Designed as an encourager, given many skills and gifts, finding myself 'unemployed', I feel our Lord opening up incredible opportunities to use the skills created in me, for His glory, at His bidding.
Pastor Brian Craig, our pastor, has been preaching through Nehemiah. In a recent sermon, he challenged us to be slaves to God, and to even wrestle with the idea that slavery isn't always negative. As I ponder and explore this concept, I have come to discover that we will and are slaves to something or someone. I find myself submitting to my paycheck (well when I had one), to my feeling of usefulness through my career, and even greater, my personal desires separate from the will of God, desires that keep me from reading His word, and pressing deeply toward the mind of He who created me.
Yet, upon looking back at my past stint of unemployment, I have seen Him continue using me, challenging me with many opportunities, providing His leading through each, and all, for His glory. Steps of faith, from little, to now HUGE, are and have been in order. This next opportunity will be part of building a continued relationship with Trent and Nikki in Livno, Bosnia. They have been in the Balkans for eight years, finding themselves investing in teachers through conferences and building relationships with them. The ministry there has helped many improve their skills and deepen the effectiveness of teaching craft in Bosnia. The Nettletons have been grateful for Brad Garner, Assistant Dean of Teaching and Learning at Indiana Wesleyan University, and now excited that I will join the team. I will learn about education there, using my eyes and skills to assist them in their call, and join Brad as a presenter, my part, leading teachers in hands on, directed explorations in learning.
Yes, it seems clear God is calling me to invest in people, with people to share, grow and infuse enthusiasm into individuals using my gifts of encouragement. So, if you'd like to join us in this opportunity, as part of God's leading and work in foreign lands, doing practical and spiritual investments into His people and those who will become His people, I would appreciate your investments of prayer and finances as we continue our journey of faith. The cost of this trip is $1639 with most of it being the airfare. You can contribute in a tax deductible manner, by sending donations to:
New Heights Community Church
10701 N. Magnolia Avenue
Santee, CA 92071
with memo or earmarked as Bosnian Teaching Mission
Of even greater importance, I am also requesting your prayers for safety, health and eyes to see clearly as I take this next step of faith. Thank you for joining in reading and learning about the Balkans. I will update you on all our Lord does along the way. I am grateful for the gifts God has infused into my life and the way He uses them to encourage hopeful hearts. Thanks again for taking the time to learn of and be part of His work in the nations.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Altar of Blessing and Miracle!
When the doctor looks at Carrie and is completely amazed that she isn't in a great deal of pain after showing us her MRI, that's a miracle! His astonishment (convinced that she only had one disk issue) and the usual only remaining solution of surgery for 5 impinged dislocated disks and two vertebral spurs, was trumped by her lack of excruciating pain. He was also surprised that she had no additional symptoms of pain caused by the four other impinged and dislocated disks!!! So, five impinged, dislocated disks, and in addition, two bone spurs, one at C-3 being the largest and her being asymptomatic for that pinching demonstrates clearly to us, all of us that God is gracing Carrie with a miracle!
As I reflect upon all this, and all that God has done by miracle in our lives, I am convinced that He is doing and has done works of this magnitude for reasons that are larger, much grander than simply physical healing. Altars are constructed as life changing monuments spurred by miraculous revelations of God's workings in lives and their response. We find ourselves now, at yet another 'altar' time in our lives. God has our attention. He is performing miracles in our lives. He is God and His glory seems to rest upon us.
Such moments can be squandered, relegated to chance and haphazard blessing, but we see it as convincingly demonstrative of the grace of God pouring over us. We don't deserve this. Others are facing so much more in their struggles, but we gladly receive this grace for us, and loudly proclaim the glory of God!!!
I will purchase my plane ticket today, to Croatia in March, trusting that issues of health for both of us will continue while apart then. For us, it is a time of uncertainty for Carrie's job and the future of our calling, Yet we know of only One who can and will lead us through each hurdle and step along the way. I pause, this morning, to erect this oracle of blessing as my altar of miracle. Thankful for my God, His leading and His powerful miracles in the life of Carrie, humbly we accept such a blessing and look forward to where He will lead us next.
As I reflect upon all this, and all that God has done by miracle in our lives, I am convinced that He is doing and has done works of this magnitude for reasons that are larger, much grander than simply physical healing. Altars are constructed as life changing monuments spurred by miraculous revelations of God's workings in lives and their response. We find ourselves now, at yet another 'altar' time in our lives. God has our attention. He is performing miracles in our lives. He is God and His glory seems to rest upon us.
Such moments can be squandered, relegated to chance and haphazard blessing, but we see it as convincingly demonstrative of the grace of God pouring over us. We don't deserve this. Others are facing so much more in their struggles, but we gladly receive this grace for us, and loudly proclaim the glory of God!!!
I will purchase my plane ticket today, to Croatia in March, trusting that issues of health for both of us will continue while apart then. For us, it is a time of uncertainty for Carrie's job and the future of our calling, Yet we know of only One who can and will lead us through each hurdle and step along the way. I pause, this morning, to erect this oracle of blessing as my altar of miracle. Thankful for my God, His leading and His powerful miracles in the life of Carrie, humbly we accept such a blessing and look forward to where He will lead us next.
Monday, February 7, 2011
An Altar Will Alter Our Lives...
Looking back at many of my musings, I am reminded, it is like the Israelites who created altars of remembrance of the movement upon their hearts of their Lord. Indeed it seems my musings are similar events, altars of sorts, believing that some might be blessed by these, my footprints as my altars through life. Yet, as I look back, there are so many events and workings that have not been recorded, the most evident, the void of mentioning the struggles, our struggles of my beloved wife, Carrie and I, together. Maybe it is partly because on the surface, it doesn't seem as such a struggle, or the fact that I enjoy having her around as I find myself unemployed, working around the house, but no one on earth is more wonderful and lovely as she.
Today, we will find out the results of her MRI (magnetic resonance image) taken of her spine last week. While she has not experienced great pain, Carrie is unable to work her job as a nurse, being off now for nearly three months. Unable to travel long distances in a car comfortably, unable to work at the computer for more than brief episodes, unable to lift and carry heavy objects like grocery bags, she finds herself reduced to light duty around the house with her husband around to help with many of the tasks that, in the past, she could accomplish normally by herself. Yes, I am thankful that I have the time to be with her and help 'normalize' things like shopping trips, but, while the great stress and difficulty she had in working is gone, the stress of the unknown, the future of her job, and just the living the possibility of change, is challenging.
I find myself troubled that I have not shared much of this struggle, selfishly immersed in my own, but as we await the answers and the future, we are fully facing what may be a life changing event. In some ways like the day we discovered she was expecting our first son, the words from her neurologist may change our lives forever. There is a possibility of the need for surgery (the results of such often poor), or the potential that it could just take a year of rest and recovery for her to get close to 'normal'. Yes, God could reveal a non issue, the MRI showing just a need for more physical therapy and a continued respite from work until the inflammation can fully calm down, but even this will require changes in her life such that the pinched nerve and the degeneration surrounding it, does not return if she is to return to work.
So, we sit at a precipice, waiting for the next step, wondering if it will be a small one or a step into a chasm. I have such peace about it, and maybe that is why I have not relegated frequent, prominent musings about this situation, or, maybe it is because like a typical human, I just get too immersed in myself. Sure, the results of the test could curtail my trip to Bosnia, and, though my son says he is willing to care for his mother during my time away, I feel the Lord will open or close the door on this trip with the results from this test.
The wonderful mother of our children, the amazing administrative yet caring nurse, the perfect spouse and lover of this soul, the beautiful servant of God to others, is waiting, looking to God for what is next. Asking questions like, "Will I be able to return to work?" or "What will happen if I can't, my disability and sick leave running out?" And, yes, these questions rise within me as well.
Yet, I remain amazed. Thankful. Hopeful. These feelings exist because I have a God who performs miracles and healing. I have a God who uses all things in life for His glory, all struggles, all blessings, all events. If we really wrestle deeply within our souls, we sense and feel like there is a tremendous leap of meaning between the animals and us humans. There is something that gives our lives and living more meaning than the other organisms on this planet, and for those of us with eyes to see, a greater calling and way to make our lives count for a glory much larger than ourselves, the glory of our God.
Carrie and I will walk through this day together. God has brought us together for His purposes and His glory. So thankful am I for His provision through her; adding a richness and beauty to my life as none other could. Indeed, I find myself standing at yet another construction place of an altar. Will it be an altar of blessing? or one of angst? All I know is that I have to tools to construct it, and will have an answer soon. Either way, an altar of praise or an altar of challenge, it will be an altar that will alter our lives. All praise and glory to the God of whom I am His servant.
Today, we will find out the results of her MRI (magnetic resonance image) taken of her spine last week. While she has not experienced great pain, Carrie is unable to work her job as a nurse, being off now for nearly three months. Unable to travel long distances in a car comfortably, unable to work at the computer for more than brief episodes, unable to lift and carry heavy objects like grocery bags, she finds herself reduced to light duty around the house with her husband around to help with many of the tasks that, in the past, she could accomplish normally by herself. Yes, I am thankful that I have the time to be with her and help 'normalize' things like shopping trips, but, while the great stress and difficulty she had in working is gone, the stress of the unknown, the future of her job, and just the living the possibility of change, is challenging.
I find myself troubled that I have not shared much of this struggle, selfishly immersed in my own, but as we await the answers and the future, we are fully facing what may be a life changing event. In some ways like the day we discovered she was expecting our first son, the words from her neurologist may change our lives forever. There is a possibility of the need for surgery (the results of such often poor), or the potential that it could just take a year of rest and recovery for her to get close to 'normal'. Yes, God could reveal a non issue, the MRI showing just a need for more physical therapy and a continued respite from work until the inflammation can fully calm down, but even this will require changes in her life such that the pinched nerve and the degeneration surrounding it, does not return if she is to return to work.
So, we sit at a precipice, waiting for the next step, wondering if it will be a small one or a step into a chasm. I have such peace about it, and maybe that is why I have not relegated frequent, prominent musings about this situation, or, maybe it is because like a typical human, I just get too immersed in myself. Sure, the results of the test could curtail my trip to Bosnia, and, though my son says he is willing to care for his mother during my time away, I feel the Lord will open or close the door on this trip with the results from this test.
The wonderful mother of our children, the amazing administrative yet caring nurse, the perfect spouse and lover of this soul, the beautiful servant of God to others, is waiting, looking to God for what is next. Asking questions like, "Will I be able to return to work?" or "What will happen if I can't, my disability and sick leave running out?" And, yes, these questions rise within me as well.
Yet, I remain amazed. Thankful. Hopeful. These feelings exist because I have a God who performs miracles and healing. I have a God who uses all things in life for His glory, all struggles, all blessings, all events. If we really wrestle deeply within our souls, we sense and feel like there is a tremendous leap of meaning between the animals and us humans. There is something that gives our lives and living more meaning than the other organisms on this planet, and for those of us with eyes to see, a greater calling and way to make our lives count for a glory much larger than ourselves, the glory of our God.
Carrie and I will walk through this day together. God has brought us together for His purposes and His glory. So thankful am I for His provision through her; adding a richness and beauty to my life as none other could. Indeed, I find myself standing at yet another construction place of an altar. Will it be an altar of blessing? or one of angst? All I know is that I have to tools to construct it, and will have an answer soon. Either way, an altar of praise or an altar of challenge, it will be an altar that will alter our lives. All praise and glory to the God of whom I am His servant.
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