Probably 99% of all heading to the mid Pacific Islands do so with childlike joy and excitement, the anticipation of tropical adventures filling the soul. Having spent many childhood summers in Oahu, visiting cousins, living like a local, Hawaii's charm is modest. Hawaii's major attraction, like most of our family's winged excursions focus on family. Having taken Carrie and our boys on many visits there, the island's tropical tourist magic is mostly absent. Sure, the islands have unique views and beauty. Rich, vibrant green shag covers the pali face and when rain is recent, long slender white tendrils of water falls from great heights to the floor below. Lush vegetation sans poisonous snakes beckons exploration. Vibrant tropical fish hug reefs, along with sea turtles and hosts of creatures awaiting easy visitation to snorkelers. Indeed, many call it paradise.
Yet, as I prepare to take my mom there to visit her aging sister, my favorite auntie and uncle, their health waning, and as we travel headlong into the recent absence of her other sister, I can honestly say our trip has a sobering cloud encroaching this return to the islands. This year for us has been a year of loss. This year for many of our friends has been the same. One thing learned as I head toward my demise, time is the only commodity we have that is ours to spend and share with others. It also strikes me that upon heavenly arrival, time becomes an irrelevant feature, no clock, no calendar, at least as we know it. Another thing learned is that living a life with little regret is attainable when we make time to be with those we love, clearly demonstrating our love through the most challenging of circumstance. This is why I choose to go and be with those I love, even though deepening such relationships rips at our hearts when they move off planet, separation another feature devoid in heaven.
My father always found time to be at certain family events; graduations, weddings, family gatherings, he thought it important to be there. That connection garnered great love and admiration from all family members, all of their lives rocked by dad's absence. It is a singular legacy that I would like to emulate as we head toward retirement, staying connected with family. In today's world, it is a challenging feat. Many things consume us, for all the wrong reasons. What if most of getting this life 'right' is being with people, the joy of knowing them better, valuing their souls, ushering one another towards eternity with the Father? Was that not what Jesus did?
Jesus also took time to be alone with His Father. Part of why I like to fly kites is that, while I can be surrounded by people, the simplicity of this time causes me to stop life, thankful for any wind allowing my single and multi-stringed sails flight, and I can be alone with Him even in a crowd. Many seem to enjoy watching my kites dance through the wind. My four-stringed kite moves forward, backward, revolves, slides, sits in park benches, or rests on top trash cans and gazebos. as I learn to control it, managing gusts and ebbs as well. In many ways it is why I enjoyed body surfing and surfing. Using something I cannot control, learning and understanding that while I cannot control the wind and waves, it can be used to move me or my kite to do fun and interesting things.
It has become certainly clear to me that I cannot control God. I cannot even control my life, as much as I think I am in it's control. But kite flying and surfing has taught me that I can appreciate the waves and wind utilizing them to find rest, exercise, and time with the God of the universe, this current of wave and wind leading me to the islands with my mom and brother. I am unsure of all that will unfold, but am assured that as I press forward the God of the universe is assuredly in control for His will and His kingdom. May we each utilize our gifts at the mercy of His will to fly or surf in the heavenly kingdom for His glory.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
In My Wildest of Dreams
The more I blog, I find that more blogful thoughts bounce around my brain than could possibly be shared. Choosing the one of focus grows increasingly more challenging as these musings progress. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, this soul abounding in plenty of it. I have been encouraged by the souls of other friends to join them in the sharing of frequent thanks; Thanks to God for placing and blessing each of us in every circumstance happy, tragic and all in between. And, hopefully I have been faithful to the task in Facebook posts, phone conversations and words spoken face to face.
Two years ago, our family gathered in our home; family for the first time from around the world, literally. Our nephew and his new wife joined us from Israel, my brother and his family joined us from Fresno, CA (much closer but still on the world), and niece, from the Los Angeles area (even closer), my parents from Menifee, CA, and our family all here in San Diego.
In a last minute effort, before some departed, I asked if we could take a picture together and we all piled into vehicles heading to a nearby park, this being one of the many pictures captured (others were of the couples etc.). The ensuing year would reveal my dad's discovery of pancreatic cancer. The family was unable to gather again last Thanksgiving, but we were grateful it seemed after pancreatectomy that he had beaten it. Indeed we were very thankful to enjoy it with some of the family around our table again.
This year, dad will not be with us. It is our first and we remain thankful. We have a crucial choice in life that will affect everything we do. If we do not choose thanksgiving, our lives will be filled with bitterness, anger, self-indulgence, devoid of peace and any form of joy. We could see dad's absence, focusing on that, or see his life and the plethora of joys, ethics, integrity and love poured into us, chunks of his life part of ours. Our gathering ensures and speaks of all dad was and remains. Once again, our family will be spread 'around the world' celebrating with thanksgiving, not gathered at our table with the same thoughts in our souls as we remember the man who was my father.
I am confident no bitterness or anger will draw near our thanksgiving tables. While dad's absence clearly will be felt, none of us would trade anything in place of his life into ours. Thanksgiving that rises from hearts not tried, nor devoid of struggle are shallow offerings of thanks. Take a moment and think, really wrestle with this truth. The most powerful, meaningful celebrations of life rise from a heart that is tried. For in my life, the greatest, most sincere, abundantly rich thoughts of thanksgiving rises in response from the most challenging of life's events.
Posting a thought on a relative's blog, their son having been hospitalized over Thanksgiving last year I wrote, "Enduring hard times with wonderful outcome sure does add a great deal of thanksgiving to our plates."
And I believe this true. But enduring hard times without wonderful outcome can offer even greater thanksgiving to our plates if we do not get consumed by the singular event, in this case the passing of my dad, his absence from our time together. I have and will cherish every single moment our family and friends have together. It is exactly what dad did and showed us.
Last night we celebrated my wife's passing of her board certification test, our oldest son and daughter-in-law with their son, and our youngest son with his girlfriend joining us. As I sat around the table, my heart reveled in thanksgiving for their presence in support of Carrie. It was another of the many thanks that rises in my heart.
Abundant thanksgiving richly rises from a heart that is tried. I believe it is God's way of revealing to us, in some small way, the cost of our eternal rescue. There is no other 'religion' where god subjects himself to abuse and scorn of his creatures in order to redeem them. In my wildest of dreams I can't understand why God would leave heaven and walk as a man. Jesus' heart was tried just like ours only found perfect. He faced more trial than any human ever in the history of earth and overcame so we might find life in Him. Now this is God, and I desire to follow Him. Wildest of dreams will pale to the eternal bliss I will someday share with my dad
Two years ago, our family gathered in our home; family for the first time from around the world, literally. Our nephew and his new wife joined us from Israel, my brother and his family joined us from Fresno, CA (much closer but still on the world), and niece, from the Los Angeles area (even closer), my parents from Menifee, CA, and our family all here in San Diego.
In a last minute effort, before some departed, I asked if we could take a picture together and we all piled into vehicles heading to a nearby park, this being one of the many pictures captured (others were of the couples etc.). The ensuing year would reveal my dad's discovery of pancreatic cancer. The family was unable to gather again last Thanksgiving, but we were grateful it seemed after pancreatectomy that he had beaten it. Indeed we were very thankful to enjoy it with some of the family around our table again.
This year, dad will not be with us. It is our first and we remain thankful. We have a crucial choice in life that will affect everything we do. If we do not choose thanksgiving, our lives will be filled with bitterness, anger, self-indulgence, devoid of peace and any form of joy. We could see dad's absence, focusing on that, or see his life and the plethora of joys, ethics, integrity and love poured into us, chunks of his life part of ours. Our gathering ensures and speaks of all dad was and remains. Once again, our family will be spread 'around the world' celebrating with thanksgiving, not gathered at our table with the same thoughts in our souls as we remember the man who was my father.
I am confident no bitterness or anger will draw near our thanksgiving tables. While dad's absence clearly will be felt, none of us would trade anything in place of his life into ours. Thanksgiving that rises from hearts not tried, nor devoid of struggle are shallow offerings of thanks. Take a moment and think, really wrestle with this truth. The most powerful, meaningful celebrations of life rise from a heart that is tried. For in my life, the greatest, most sincere, abundantly rich thoughts of thanksgiving rises in response from the most challenging of life's events.
Posting a thought on a relative's blog, their son having been hospitalized over Thanksgiving last year I wrote, "Enduring hard times with wonderful outcome sure does add a great deal of thanksgiving to our plates."
And I believe this true. But enduring hard times without wonderful outcome can offer even greater thanksgiving to our plates if we do not get consumed by the singular event, in this case the passing of my dad, his absence from our time together. I have and will cherish every single moment our family and friends have together. It is exactly what dad did and showed us.
Last night we celebrated my wife's passing of her board certification test, our oldest son and daughter-in-law with their son, and our youngest son with his girlfriend joining us. As I sat around the table, my heart reveled in thanksgiving for their presence in support of Carrie. It was another of the many thanks that rises in my heart.
Abundant thanksgiving richly rises from a heart that is tried. I believe it is God's way of revealing to us, in some small way, the cost of our eternal rescue. There is no other 'religion' where god subjects himself to abuse and scorn of his creatures in order to redeem them. In my wildest of dreams I can't understand why God would leave heaven and walk as a man. Jesus' heart was tried just like ours only found perfect. He faced more trial than any human ever in the history of earth and overcame so we might find life in Him. Now this is God, and I desire to follow Him. Wildest of dreams will pale to the eternal bliss I will someday share with my dad
Monday, November 25, 2013
The Ladder of Legacy
I keep asking the question of others, "It is just because he is my grandson? Or is this the cutest kid you've seen in a while? The universal response? He is very special and extremely cute. Ethen melts my heart, every time I see him or spend precious moments with him. My heart always beats warmly and fondly as I ponder the next visit; Our next time together.
Several years ago, friends shared with us the utter joy in being grandparents, they beaming from ear to ear with every ounce of their bodies wriggling with pride and joy. If you look, you can see it in their eyes, glimmering joy in their being, grandparents. But nothing can speak of or address the issue like being foisted up the familial ladder to the next step, as grandparents ourselves. Bill Cosby did an entire sketch on this transition, he obviously being one funny guy, watching his parents transformed, eventually graduating himself as one very funny grandpa.
Something happens to us as we first take on the initial role as parents. We discover the very words we swore we'd never speak, erupt as volcanic response from our hearts and mouths. Life takes on more serious candor as we ponder the affect and influence our decisions will have on our progeny, and the world. Weighty matters are placed on our shoulders, the generations ahead influenced by our kids, and it is rightfully so.
And it remains so as the new title, grandpa and grandma, settled in our hearts a few years ago. But a new role with new parameters arise with the newly esteemed title... grandpa. It just feels good! Indeed, I find a whole new set of words erupting out of my heart and mouth and it still sounds exactly like my dad when he made the transition. Laughter erupts and is elevated to new levels. Smiles are abundantly frequent, especially in the presence of my kids and their kid, my grandson. It is here I pause, with overflowing, unimaginable joy as I stand on the ladder of legacy, one step higher than I was two years ago. It is quite simple, happens quite naturally and is quite amazing!
We poured into our son, he and his lovely life partner doing the same with theirs. They are God's gift to Carrie and I, our hearts rising, overflowing and overwhelmed with endless thanksgiving. Whenever my heart is heavy, hurting or just in need of a spot of joy, NOTHING brings it like my grandson.
Ethen Blowing Bubbles
Several years ago, friends shared with us the utter joy in being grandparents, they beaming from ear to ear with every ounce of their bodies wriggling with pride and joy. If you look, you can see it in their eyes, glimmering joy in their being, grandparents. But nothing can speak of or address the issue like being foisted up the familial ladder to the next step, as grandparents ourselves. Bill Cosby did an entire sketch on this transition, he obviously being one funny guy, watching his parents transformed, eventually graduating himself as one very funny grandpa.
Something happens to us as we first take on the initial role as parents. We discover the very words we swore we'd never speak, erupt as volcanic response from our hearts and mouths. Life takes on more serious candor as we ponder the affect and influence our decisions will have on our progeny, and the world. Weighty matters are placed on our shoulders, the generations ahead influenced by our kids, and it is rightfully so.
And it remains so as the new title, grandpa and grandma, settled in our hearts a few years ago. But a new role with new parameters arise with the newly esteemed title... grandpa. It just feels good! Indeed, I find a whole new set of words erupting out of my heart and mouth and it still sounds exactly like my dad when he made the transition. Laughter erupts and is elevated to new levels. Smiles are abundantly frequent, especially in the presence of my kids and their kid, my grandson. It is here I pause, with overflowing, unimaginable joy as I stand on the ladder of legacy, one step higher than I was two years ago. It is quite simple, happens quite naturally and is quite amazing!
We poured into our son, he and his lovely life partner doing the same with theirs. They are God's gift to Carrie and I, our hearts rising, overflowing and overwhelmed with endless thanksgiving. Whenever my heart is heavy, hurting or just in need of a spot of joy, NOTHING brings it like my grandson.
Ethen Blowing Bubbles
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Blog to Blog
I don't have many followers who admit it by signing up as one. Every now and then though, someone tells me that they enjoy reading my blog now and then and it surprises me. Yes I look at the metrics and it lets me know I have readers, and am humbled that it is more than just a few, and yes I read several blogs not as officially, committed follower.
One is from a past student of mine, bright, lovely and fun loving. Kristin is one of those endearing movers and shakers whose life reflects the beauty of God, His kingdom and life; She, like all of the lives that entered my classroom destined to make a difference with theirs (at least that is my prayer for every student I had privilege to teach). I followed as this lovely young lady fell in love and lost her love as Wesley succumbed to cancer. This event was heartbreaking, yet her life and writing poured out hope.
Her most recent blog addressed this season in a way I was blessed not to experience or think of until a decade ago at age 46, she being now in her early twenties. Indeed there is a lot of great, wonderful traditions enjoyed by most of us this time of year. The season of Thanksgiving and Christmas flood all of our senses transforming us into festive outlook, especially for the young and even the rest of us in the midst of loss.
As we age, we become increasingly aware of so much more. Much more struggle, much more need, the realities of life continuing through the festive season. The immediacy of loss overwhelms the joys, potentially leaving us to wonder how anyone can celebrate at all, asking questions like,
"Don't they know that I lost......? How can they just go on laughing and ignoring my pain?"..and in reality, they aren't ignoring it, probably. Our eyes get opened to the fact that others have experienced loss too, finding time to have joy, joy in the season tempered by the realities of loss and struggle. Kristin calls it "The Holiday Sting".
No matter what your experience this holiday season, when life comes crashing in, it is my prayer that we all have the great hope of Jesus and the eternity awaiting we who serve as children of our King. The joy of rest from all this pain certainly brings me hope as I face the first Christmas without my dad. The truth is that the daily stuff of life comes every day.
Things don't stop or pause just because it is the holiday season. It is good, when the pain of life overwhelms us, to sit and have a good cry (yes men, real men, like Jesus, can be moved to tears). If you have a friend or colleague that crumbles before you, will you just sit with them and release your fear? You don't have to say a word. And if you are a follower of God, just silently pray for them. It will pass. If the loss was recent, it may take a while to do so. Great friends will be willing to wait, letting the weight of hurt touch our compassion. Just like waves, grief will often come and go. The best gift we can give to one in grief is to let it happen and just be there with them, for them as long as they require.
While I don't really care if you are official follower of this blog, if you are official follower of Jesus, I know our family would appreciate your prayers as we enter this holiday season without my dad. I have and will continue praying for Kristin (and Wes' family), blessed to know such a terrific young lady. This season will be filled with thanksgiving and celebration, but it will also hold unknown events as we grieve the absence of "A Great Character with Great Character" (words on dad's capstone).
May you find this holiday season rich with honor and blessing. May the peace of God reside in your hearts and family as you gather together.
You can find Kristin's sweet blog about the season here:
http://hellokristinmarie.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-holiday-sting.html
One is from a past student of mine, bright, lovely and fun loving. Kristin is one of those endearing movers and shakers whose life reflects the beauty of God, His kingdom and life; She, like all of the lives that entered my classroom destined to make a difference with theirs (at least that is my prayer for every student I had privilege to teach). I followed as this lovely young lady fell in love and lost her love as Wesley succumbed to cancer. This event was heartbreaking, yet her life and writing poured out hope.
Her most recent blog addressed this season in a way I was blessed not to experience or think of until a decade ago at age 46, she being now in her early twenties. Indeed there is a lot of great, wonderful traditions enjoyed by most of us this time of year. The season of Thanksgiving and Christmas flood all of our senses transforming us into festive outlook, especially for the young and even the rest of us in the midst of loss.
As we age, we become increasingly aware of so much more. Much more struggle, much more need, the realities of life continuing through the festive season. The immediacy of loss overwhelms the joys, potentially leaving us to wonder how anyone can celebrate at all, asking questions like,
"Don't they know that I lost......? How can they just go on laughing and ignoring my pain?"..and in reality, they aren't ignoring it, probably. Our eyes get opened to the fact that others have experienced loss too, finding time to have joy, joy in the season tempered by the realities of loss and struggle. Kristin calls it "The Holiday Sting".
No matter what your experience this holiday season, when life comes crashing in, it is my prayer that we all have the great hope of Jesus and the eternity awaiting we who serve as children of our King. The joy of rest from all this pain certainly brings me hope as I face the first Christmas without my dad. The truth is that the daily stuff of life comes every day.
Things don't stop or pause just because it is the holiday season. It is good, when the pain of life overwhelms us, to sit and have a good cry (yes men, real men, like Jesus, can be moved to tears). If you have a friend or colleague that crumbles before you, will you just sit with them and release your fear? You don't have to say a word. And if you are a follower of God, just silently pray for them. It will pass. If the loss was recent, it may take a while to do so. Great friends will be willing to wait, letting the weight of hurt touch our compassion. Just like waves, grief will often come and go. The best gift we can give to one in grief is to let it happen and just be there with them, for them as long as they require.
While I don't really care if you are official follower of this blog, if you are official follower of Jesus, I know our family would appreciate your prayers as we enter this holiday season without my dad. I have and will continue praying for Kristin (and Wes' family), blessed to know such a terrific young lady. This season will be filled with thanksgiving and celebration, but it will also hold unknown events as we grieve the absence of "A Great Character with Great Character" (words on dad's capstone).
May you find this holiday season rich with honor and blessing. May the peace of God reside in your hearts and family as you gather together.
You can find Kristin's sweet blog about the season here:
http://hellokristinmarie.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-holiday-sting.html
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
What's On Your Mind?
With frequent regularity Facebook asks me and millions of others "What's on your mind?". And we post. Some of us blog. Others stealthily move in and out of one another's 'minds' either jumping from one person to another or by checking out their 'feed'. Celebrations, trials and plain ordinary life in between gets posted 'in the cloud' for others to see. A cacophony of mindful, mindless and the gamut between, etched pieces of life held 'somewhere', for a long time.
A while after a friend, John Skogland passed, I noticed my feed still getting volleys from him. His account still active. It was others posting thoughts, missing this wonderful man on his Facebook page, and he was quite the guy! And another, from my dad, who passed this last July. An archive of millions, possibly billions living still, as far as Facebook knows, in 'the cloud' no one there to end the Facebook life.
Crashing in to me came the revelation that our electronic lives can live on far beyond our earthly one. Even this blog may probably do the same. Another Facebook friend, a past student whose daddy is dying of cancer posted an out of print book that a friend gave her about miracles. Books go 'out of print', hard copies singular testimonies of the work, but will Facebook and blogs ever go 'out of print?. Will we ever fill the cloud with so much 'stuff' we will not be able to continue the 'keeping'? (Leave it to me to think such crazy things).
In a recent blog, I shared about a few lives. These few lives in need of a miracle (don't we all need miracles?). A teacher friend of mine posted about a dad cussing her out blaming her for the lack of success of his son. My life was also powerfully connected to Kim and Ken thanks to a friend of hers that blogged and a friend of mine who got posted to my feed. And this was real food for this living soul, Kim's life and struggles lived out as testimony to the power of God for any to clearly see. And so I posted, and blogged, what was on my mind. I get the joy and agony of hearing about an overwhelmed dad and an overwhelmed woman in both in the throes of life, working through it; messy, celebratory, simple, complex, life. Lives 'held' 'in the cloud'.
I am very thankful we live in a time where we 'can' be so 'connected; to one another. My heart sinks and rises in thankfulness for those whose lives of humility and reality, real reality, natural reality, are hung out for one another to see. I am even more thankful for those whose response is to hold one another up in prayer before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who is working out His will for any choosing to see.
Should life as we know it tarry for millenia, I wonder if our Facebook lives and blogs will so too. Who will read and stumble upon the works of small individuals posting amazing testimonials of the eternal work of God? Knowing this might change what you think about posting...or not. Either way, inquiring minds, especially this one, wants to know, "What's on your mind?"
.http://offootprintsandfaith.blogspot.com/2013/11/through-most-devastating-circumstances.html,
A while after a friend, John Skogland passed, I noticed my feed still getting volleys from him. His account still active. It was others posting thoughts, missing this wonderful man on his Facebook page, and he was quite the guy! And another, from my dad, who passed this last July. An archive of millions, possibly billions living still, as far as Facebook knows, in 'the cloud' no one there to end the Facebook life.
Crashing in to me came the revelation that our electronic lives can live on far beyond our earthly one. Even this blog may probably do the same. Another Facebook friend, a past student whose daddy is dying of cancer posted an out of print book that a friend gave her about miracles. Books go 'out of print', hard copies singular testimonies of the work, but will Facebook and blogs ever go 'out of print?. Will we ever fill the cloud with so much 'stuff' we will not be able to continue the 'keeping'? (Leave it to me to think such crazy things).
In a recent blog, I shared about a few lives. These few lives in need of a miracle (don't we all need miracles?). A teacher friend of mine posted about a dad cussing her out blaming her for the lack of success of his son. My life was also powerfully connected to Kim and Ken thanks to a friend of hers that blogged and a friend of mine who got posted to my feed. And this was real food for this living soul, Kim's life and struggles lived out as testimony to the power of God for any to clearly see. And so I posted, and blogged, what was on my mind. I get the joy and agony of hearing about an overwhelmed dad and an overwhelmed woman in both in the throes of life, working through it; messy, celebratory, simple, complex, life. Lives 'held' 'in the cloud'.
I am very thankful we live in a time where we 'can' be so 'connected; to one another. My heart sinks and rises in thankfulness for those whose lives of humility and reality, real reality, natural reality, are hung out for one another to see. I am even more thankful for those whose response is to hold one another up in prayer before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords who is working out His will for any choosing to see.
Should life as we know it tarry for millenia, I wonder if our Facebook lives and blogs will so too. Who will read and stumble upon the works of small individuals posting amazing testimonials of the eternal work of God? Knowing this might change what you think about posting...or not. Either way, inquiring minds, especially this one, wants to know, "What's on your mind?"
.http://offootprintsandfaith.blogspot.com/2013/11/through-most-devastating-circumstances.html,
Saturday, November 16, 2013
It Isn't a Whim...
My girl can shop. I have had other women tell me that she can out shop and wear out any who accompany her...and most often that any is me. I tell my friends that my five foot two bride is the only one I know who turns shopping a stamina event. This morning, when she arose, I told her she wore me out yesterday. Her response? "That was nothing. Maybe you need to start joining me at the gym."
Yes, I am out of shape on many levels. I kept trying to tell myself it was because I was wearing my new Guess boots (from Nordstrom Rack gathered on a previous shopping excursion), not my super cushy Asics Gel Kayano running shoes (that I never use for running by the way) that were to blame. And yes, I will benefit from some additional exercise...some day soon.
Our Christmas shopping is almost done and it isn't even Thanksgiving! I even picked up some clothes for my girl (at Ann Taylor) yesterday. Yes, I know her size (medium petite at this store) and color palate and yes it was all 50% off the sale price (something that she often insists upon)! So, even I benefited from the exhaustive shopping experience! One final gift purchase (hopefully on Black Friday) and I am done shopping for her (with the exception of stocking stuffers).
Last Sunday, I preached a sermon about miracles from the passage in Matthew 14. I felt the urging of the Lord to share about my personal miracle of healing, yesterday's shopping experience a miracle in itself. For I should have been either
1. dead or
2. unable to participate in such a challenging event.
These footprints of faith, blessed to live and experience a flat out miracle, led me to step out in faith to ask for more, and they came in so many different ways. So often I pinch myself as I reflect upon the MANY wonderful experiences I have been privileged in which to participate, spending the day shopping with my girl? One of them.
If you read my blog, you may also know of the many challenging times our family faced leading to my dad's transition off planet, something that awaits ALL of us. It is my prayer that these musings speak and reflect a genuine heart in realistic fashion boasting solely in the power of my Lord, for His glory. We each get to live our lives before our Lord by choice, by abstinence or a host of variables in between. God is God whether we choose to acknowledge Him or not, speak of Him or run from Him.
He chose to spare my life for His purpose and bring healing to my catastrophically diseased heart...all so I could go shopping with my girl (well that is part of the reason); AND to be a reminder to whom my sincerest, most resplendent, joy-filled thanksgiving rises. Indeed, I give thanks to the God of the universe unveiling His presence and glory through His many servants choosing to do the same. As this Thanksgiving approaches, I am thankful for the miracles He has wrought through us all. Some day soon, I will get to spend eternity with all those choosing to acknowledge Jesus as The Way, The Truth and The Life. While our earthly days fly by, eternity will last. It isn't a whim that forges my faith, it is the very work of God Himself working, in us, for those looking and choosing to live in response to His powerful kingdom work. My prayer for all is that we taste and see that the Lord is good!
You can hear about it @ http://newheightscommunity.org/home-sp-910752004/sermon-series-new/sermon/47-we-believe-in-miracles
Yes, I am out of shape on many levels. I kept trying to tell myself it was because I was wearing my new Guess boots (from Nordstrom Rack gathered on a previous shopping excursion), not my super cushy Asics Gel Kayano running shoes (that I never use for running by the way) that were to blame. And yes, I will benefit from some additional exercise...some day soon.
Our Christmas shopping is almost done and it isn't even Thanksgiving! I even picked up some clothes for my girl (at Ann Taylor) yesterday. Yes, I know her size (medium petite at this store) and color palate and yes it was all 50% off the sale price (something that she often insists upon)! So, even I benefited from the exhaustive shopping experience! One final gift purchase (hopefully on Black Friday) and I am done shopping for her (with the exception of stocking stuffers).
Last Sunday, I preached a sermon about miracles from the passage in Matthew 14. I felt the urging of the Lord to share about my personal miracle of healing, yesterday's shopping experience a miracle in itself. For I should have been either
1. dead or
2. unable to participate in such a challenging event.
These footprints of faith, blessed to live and experience a flat out miracle, led me to step out in faith to ask for more, and they came in so many different ways. So often I pinch myself as I reflect upon the MANY wonderful experiences I have been privileged in which to participate, spending the day shopping with my girl? One of them.
If you read my blog, you may also know of the many challenging times our family faced leading to my dad's transition off planet, something that awaits ALL of us. It is my prayer that these musings speak and reflect a genuine heart in realistic fashion boasting solely in the power of my Lord, for His glory. We each get to live our lives before our Lord by choice, by abstinence or a host of variables in between. God is God whether we choose to acknowledge Him or not, speak of Him or run from Him.
He chose to spare my life for His purpose and bring healing to my catastrophically diseased heart...all so I could go shopping with my girl (well that is part of the reason); AND to be a reminder to whom my sincerest, most resplendent, joy-filled thanksgiving rises. Indeed, I give thanks to the God of the universe unveiling His presence and glory through His many servants choosing to do the same. As this Thanksgiving approaches, I am thankful for the miracles He has wrought through us all. Some day soon, I will get to spend eternity with all those choosing to acknowledge Jesus as The Way, The Truth and The Life. While our earthly days fly by, eternity will last. It isn't a whim that forges my faith, it is the very work of God Himself working, in us, for those looking and choosing to live in response to His powerful kingdom work. My prayer for all is that we taste and see that the Lord is good!
You can hear about it @ http://newheightscommunity.org/home-sp-910752004/sermon-series-new/sermon/47-we-believe-in-miracles
Friday, November 15, 2013
Through the Most Devastating Circumstances
People move people. Our lives are testimony to our beliefs exposing our hearts before others. If you take the time to examine a life, you will know and understand the truths they hold to. I'd like to share with you two lives of whom I don't personally know but whose lives speak volumes by their actions.
I have a friend who is a teacher. She teaches first grade and is an AWESOME teacher, not because she has excellent classroom management, but because she cares and invests in each student teaching first graders to think, problem solve and desire learning. Nearly twenty years ago, Michelle was my teacher's aide in an elementary science lab and she was and remains phenomenal. Michelle has a student who does not know his alphabet and is lost in class. Her father, coming to teacher's conference cusses her out, blaming her for his son's lack of success. This is wrong on so many levels, but as a teacher myself, I've come to learn this as indicator of struggle in this dad's life. It can be a cry for help, however he may not be ready to receive it unless someone in his life comes alongside to help him see the truth of his actions upon himself and his son. His circumstances have made him self-absorbed, costing his son, and others great harm.
The second life is a woman I learned of through the blog of her friend. Kim is a mom, facing stage IV ovarian cancer. She has been clearly demonstrating faith as she battles and will soon lose. Her life, however is leading the way in truth and courage for all to see. With honesty and power her living clearly demonstrated, to her friend Laurie and the rest of the world, that God is present in the deepest angst and struggle, the greatest reward as leaning on the shoulders of Jesus, walking with Him through it all until sweet release, arriving home in His arms.
Can I say it again? People move people. Our lives are affected by others for good and hard purpose. We can learn from how others live and if we have good friends can learn to live a life that moves people to purpose and care for others. A life can clearly demonstrate a need for God or that God is real in real tough circumstances and His power is made manifest as we endure real life when life gets real hard.
Look, if you read the Bible, you will see that things are not always easy for those who are God's people. God's people make serious mistakes. We can also demonstrate incredible power as we engage God as part of our lives. The Bible isn't about rules and regulations. It isn't about our response. It is about relationship and how this relationship will transform lives with power, on His terms. He is God. I see the hand of God clearly etched into the life of Kim, her living legacy is a testimony of the power of God in her struggle to extend her life for her family at great cost. The most powerful lives speak on behalf of our most powerful God through the most devastating circumstances.
While I didn't have privilege to know Kim, thanks to Laurie and my friend who posted a link on Facebook, I do now. My teacher friend posted about a dad who cussed her out at a conference where she was trying to advocate for his son. Please understand, I am just stating facts, trying to report them. These two lives speak and expose the truth of what they believe. The dad is blaming the teacher for his son's failure, Kim blames no one, including God for her struggle choosing to see hers through the eyes of God.
I believe Kim understood that Jesus endured excruciating pain and suffering as He willingly headed toward the cross. I believe she also experienced His presence as she walked through her trial, trusting Him for wisdom and strength along the way while God provided it in spades. Only a God who has personally taken on human existence and suffering could fully comprehend what Kim experienced. He has done this for all that we can believe and trust in Him. My prayer is that the father, whose son is struggling, meet and learn from the Father who sent His son to the cross. Kim did and as she walked with the Father, her testimony is awe inspiring, a testimony of our powerful, compassionate God. Some ask "Where was God when....?" Kim clearly demonstrates that God is near to those who see Him for who He is. Through the most devastating circumstances God is available and in the midst of them all, for all who choose to see, see.
You can read about Kim at http://blog.lauriepolich.com/touching-death-and-finding-life/.
I have a friend who is a teacher. She teaches first grade and is an AWESOME teacher, not because she has excellent classroom management, but because she cares and invests in each student teaching first graders to think, problem solve and desire learning. Nearly twenty years ago, Michelle was my teacher's aide in an elementary science lab and she was and remains phenomenal. Michelle has a student who does not know his alphabet and is lost in class. Her father, coming to teacher's conference cusses her out, blaming her for his son's lack of success. This is wrong on so many levels, but as a teacher myself, I've come to learn this as indicator of struggle in this dad's life. It can be a cry for help, however he may not be ready to receive it unless someone in his life comes alongside to help him see the truth of his actions upon himself and his son. His circumstances have made him self-absorbed, costing his son, and others great harm.
The second life is a woman I learned of through the blog of her friend. Kim is a mom, facing stage IV ovarian cancer. She has been clearly demonstrating faith as she battles and will soon lose. Her life, however is leading the way in truth and courage for all to see. With honesty and power her living clearly demonstrated, to her friend Laurie and the rest of the world, that God is present in the deepest angst and struggle, the greatest reward as leaning on the shoulders of Jesus, walking with Him through it all until sweet release, arriving home in His arms.
Can I say it again? People move people. Our lives are affected by others for good and hard purpose. We can learn from how others live and if we have good friends can learn to live a life that moves people to purpose and care for others. A life can clearly demonstrate a need for God or that God is real in real tough circumstances and His power is made manifest as we endure real life when life gets real hard.
Look, if you read the Bible, you will see that things are not always easy for those who are God's people. God's people make serious mistakes. We can also demonstrate incredible power as we engage God as part of our lives. The Bible isn't about rules and regulations. It isn't about our response. It is about relationship and how this relationship will transform lives with power, on His terms. He is God. I see the hand of God clearly etched into the life of Kim, her living legacy is a testimony of the power of God in her struggle to extend her life for her family at great cost. The most powerful lives speak on behalf of our most powerful God through the most devastating circumstances.
While I didn't have privilege to know Kim, thanks to Laurie and my friend who posted a link on Facebook, I do now. My teacher friend posted about a dad who cussed her out at a conference where she was trying to advocate for his son. Please understand, I am just stating facts, trying to report them. These two lives speak and expose the truth of what they believe. The dad is blaming the teacher for his son's failure, Kim blames no one, including God for her struggle choosing to see hers through the eyes of God.
I believe Kim understood that Jesus endured excruciating pain and suffering as He willingly headed toward the cross. I believe she also experienced His presence as she walked through her trial, trusting Him for wisdom and strength along the way while God provided it in spades. Only a God who has personally taken on human existence and suffering could fully comprehend what Kim experienced. He has done this for all that we can believe and trust in Him. My prayer is that the father, whose son is struggling, meet and learn from the Father who sent His son to the cross. Kim did and as she walked with the Father, her testimony is awe inspiring, a testimony of our powerful, compassionate God. Some ask "Where was God when....?" Kim clearly demonstrates that God is near to those who see Him for who He is. Through the most devastating circumstances God is available and in the midst of them all, for all who choose to see, see.
You can read about Kim at http://blog.lauriepolich.com/touching-death-and-finding-life/.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Seeing Beauty and Glory Beyond Anything We Could Dream or Imagine!
While walking from the church parking lot to the office, along the sidewalk I noticed a few leaves with lenses of water resting on them. Wanting to capture them, sans Nikon digital camera, I pull my phone from my pocket, compose and capture two images, this the second of the two. Entering the office, I show the secretary and finance manager the pictures of what they walked by this morning and did not notice.
Life can be about making the most of moments, or best yet, given the gift to see what others pass by having yet to be given such gift. I can honestly say that I cannot take credit for what I am guided to see. Trying to live my life in a way that peers uniquely, encourages souls, captures surrounding beauty, I would like my life, images, writings and personal investments to demonstrate that despite the cacophony of distractions, if I look for them, I can find a cacophony of beauty and truth that fills us with glory, God's.
Say what you wish. Listen to whomever you choose. Live your life on your terms. I am sure you are a great friend, spouse, dad or mom. As I wrestle with life and its meaning, there seems to be a resonance, a compelling ache within my bosom; A desire to see beauty in ashes, peace in the midst of angst, and hope assured. It seems the more I look for it, the more I find it in each day, tomorrow, next year, decades, centuries and then for millenia.
I would like to see and know truth, absolute truth, not concocted or twisted to fit what I or others believe; real; absolute; truth.
What I have come to find is that no human has power to influence all of time from the beginning to its eventual end. Yes, even science believes there was a beginning of time and seems to look like there could possibly be an end in absolute entropy. When I read the connectedness and influence of majestic being into the lives of individuals and people given eyes to see beyond time, linking a common character and nature to its unfolding, pointing to even what is to be, this, for me, reveals an entity capable of unraveling truth to those choosing to listen, and yes, it is found in the Bible.
Have you read it? Are you making judgments based on what others tell you? Is listening to people enough? Is your life satisfying? How do you know what is true? Are you surrounded by beauty? Do you see and know hope?
Can I also let you know that there is one who is trying to keep you from seeing truth and beauty having you focus on things that may not really much matter?
There is beauty here that points to amazing beauty beyond here. We can each choose to listen and look for it, or allow distraction to fill our lives and miss it all or even most of it. Yes, I too miss far more than I could, but am thankful that on this day, this moment, I had the desire to look and capture something placed originally for me, given privilege to share with you who chose to read this blog. Maybe you feel a tug. Maybe you have grown weary of well doing. It might be possible that you are yearning for more; More beauty, more truth, more hope. May God open our eyes, seeing beauty and glory beyond anything we could dream or imagine, getting glimpses of what lie in wait for those who desire to know God.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
We Become the Perfect Gift...
This morning as I sit eating my noodle soup (saimen) for breakfast, there is a movie playing in my head, memory of my petite grandma sitting across the table from me slurping her noodle soup. For Japanese, it is impolite NOT to slurp your noodles. I remember my auntie and mom confirming that fact when I was a young teen experiencing this for the first time. It went against all I was trained to do, yes, even being raised by Japanese parents, for, after all, we are and were raised as Americans. Americans do not slurp noodles.
This wonderful memory (my grandma long gone) speaks abundantly into life and living. First, what is acceptable to one may not be to another. We are raised and formed in a 'culture'. Not only the national culture but culture of our childhood home(s), families, and experiences. Second and more importantly, our life experiences take us to the homes of many others whose family culture differ from ours and it is good to gracefully enjoy it.
I remember having chorizo and eggs after I spent the night with John, a neighborhood friend who was hispanic. It was a treat and experience I remember today every time I see it on the menu or make it for myself at home. I also remember another friend's mom (Mrs. Runk) made us pancakes in any animal form we requested, bunny, dog, gorilla, lion. Notice the breakfast theme here?
Our lives are greatly enriched when we learn to embrace and appreciate the culture of others. Some may be invited into our personal culture, we becoming a more eclectic us, others remaining as part of sweet memories. Marriage seems to be 'on my mind' a lot these days and as I ponder mine, I realize that as I embraced Carrie as my wife, two very different 'cultures' came together. As our son, Bryce married his sweet Melissa, another family and culture was added to ours as well, and we cherish the addition. Traditions and family cultures merge and sometimes collide. Vying for family time together complicate matters, especially during the holidays.
Each time I begin writing, I often do not know where it will end, this time being no different. But it fits the season. Grace and sacrifice are needed in the season of Thanksgiving and Christmas. And, as I consider this, isn't that what the season is all about? We fuss, we plan, we rearrange schedules, we shop, we look for that perfect gift, we party, we give and give until we can't give anymore, and for many, the season ends in near train wreck.
My grandma, John's mom, and Mrs. Runk were just being themselves. I rise with thanksgiving that I was raised by my parents to appreciate who they were and what they did. This holiday season I would like to be remembered as one who took notice of all the little things others do, rather than the big. The perfect gift we give others is the gift of ourselves. We can't commercialize it, package it and sell it for others to purchase. We become the perfect gift. When we engage our Lord in our day, He helps us be a perfect gift of His grace into the lives of others.
Yesterday, while driving to pick up some crushed rock to install at the preschool, a woman and her daughter were off to the side of the road, their car having a flat rear tire. As I drove by, I noticed her confused look as she gazed into her open trunk. God told me to stop, turn around and help her. She had called roadside assistance and it would be another 45 minutes before they arrived. Her husband moved to Arizona to take a new job and she remained to finish the school year with her daughter. I changed her tire, spoke words of blessing to her and sent her down the road.
I desire no 'at-a-boys for this as I was just doing what God asked of me. It blessed her and I. In this season, it is my prayer that I continue being and sharing my culture of care into the life of anyone God leads. The ways of Jesus are becoming my culture. I'll say it again and complete it, we become the perfect gift as we live like The Perfect Gift to mankind, Jesus Christ, should you profess to be one of His followers. May it be so for many of us, this season. You are His perfect package, His perfect gift to those He causes you to encounter. May His grace and perfect love pour richly from your souls to theirs.
This wonderful memory (my grandma long gone) speaks abundantly into life and living. First, what is acceptable to one may not be to another. We are raised and formed in a 'culture'. Not only the national culture but culture of our childhood home(s), families, and experiences. Second and more importantly, our life experiences take us to the homes of many others whose family culture differ from ours and it is good to gracefully enjoy it.
I remember having chorizo and eggs after I spent the night with John, a neighborhood friend who was hispanic. It was a treat and experience I remember today every time I see it on the menu or make it for myself at home. I also remember another friend's mom (Mrs. Runk) made us pancakes in any animal form we requested, bunny, dog, gorilla, lion. Notice the breakfast theme here?
Our lives are greatly enriched when we learn to embrace and appreciate the culture of others. Some may be invited into our personal culture, we becoming a more eclectic us, others remaining as part of sweet memories. Marriage seems to be 'on my mind' a lot these days and as I ponder mine, I realize that as I embraced Carrie as my wife, two very different 'cultures' came together. As our son, Bryce married his sweet Melissa, another family and culture was added to ours as well, and we cherish the addition. Traditions and family cultures merge and sometimes collide. Vying for family time together complicate matters, especially during the holidays.
Each time I begin writing, I often do not know where it will end, this time being no different. But it fits the season. Grace and sacrifice are needed in the season of Thanksgiving and Christmas. And, as I consider this, isn't that what the season is all about? We fuss, we plan, we rearrange schedules, we shop, we look for that perfect gift, we party, we give and give until we can't give anymore, and for many, the season ends in near train wreck.
My grandma, John's mom, and Mrs. Runk were just being themselves. I rise with thanksgiving that I was raised by my parents to appreciate who they were and what they did. This holiday season I would like to be remembered as one who took notice of all the little things others do, rather than the big. The perfect gift we give others is the gift of ourselves. We can't commercialize it, package it and sell it for others to purchase. We become the perfect gift. When we engage our Lord in our day, He helps us be a perfect gift of His grace into the lives of others.
Yesterday, while driving to pick up some crushed rock to install at the preschool, a woman and her daughter were off to the side of the road, their car having a flat rear tire. As I drove by, I noticed her confused look as she gazed into her open trunk. God told me to stop, turn around and help her. She had called roadside assistance and it would be another 45 minutes before they arrived. Her husband moved to Arizona to take a new job and she remained to finish the school year with her daughter. I changed her tire, spoke words of blessing to her and sent her down the road.
I desire no 'at-a-boys for this as I was just doing what God asked of me. It blessed her and I. In this season, it is my prayer that I continue being and sharing my culture of care into the life of anyone God leads. The ways of Jesus are becoming my culture. I'll say it again and complete it, we become the perfect gift as we live like The Perfect Gift to mankind, Jesus Christ, should you profess to be one of His followers. May it be so for many of us, this season. You are His perfect package, His perfect gift to those He causes you to encounter. May His grace and perfect love pour richly from your souls to theirs.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Perfect Harmony Rises Through Discord and Sacrifice
The footprints of other's of faith can be found as I peruse their Facebook pages. I find it humbling to have access to so many young lives, some who passed through my classroom decades ago, others, friends of my kids. The blessing of the internet allows continued connection in ways never before accessible. I am thankful that many young lives have trusted me to continue knowing what moves them through life through social media. It is a joy to watch them take new steps.
Today, it seems to be a season of union, many saying "I do" to the loves of their lives and the adventure ahead with intimate partner. The trip of a lifetime can be found as a marriage moves through its courses. Having been married for over 30 years, we have discovered a few tidbits of wisdom. Carrie and I walked these decades listening to many dear friends whose investment in us leads us to do the same in others. As we walk through the sandy beaches of life, we hope our lives leave footprints of faith for others to follow as we follow our God, together.
There is nothing more energizing than the merging of two compatible lives. My bride and I have discovered we have many interests in common. Both Carrie and I grew up liking Snoopy. I still like Snoopy, but she elevates it to a fuller level; so much so that the wife of a recent couple staying with us asked, "Who is the Snoopy lover?". Yes, Snoopy (and on occasion the entire Peanuts gang, permeate the decorative theme of our home, and we both enjoy it. We also find the Craftsman style of furniture appealing as well, having made the financial commitment (encouraged by many bargains) purchasing many pieces for our home.
There are, however, many differences as well found in marital union and many can seem in opposition. You don't have to agree on everything, you just need to flex through your differences. So many of these 'differences' keep things interesting for both of you as they have for us. Carrie is extremely talented at sewing and crafting, many tell me I am talented in music and writing. She used to play the clarinet and I'm sure was quite good at it, but no longer pursues musical endeavors. I still continue growing musically, having merged my word crafting with tunes to create songs. We continually give one another plenty of 'space' to deepen development of our differences. I'm like the attention deficit disorder poster child of interests moving from one thing to another trying new things, mixing them with old (a past love of kite flying being one of them). She is stable, sure and consistent (sticking to and finishing her projects) something I continue learning as important for many parts of life and living. We rarely watch movies together as neither of us enjoys a shared genre, and we rarely watch the networks or movies at all.
Of all the things we have learned through marriage, the most important seems to be quite simple. Marriage is not for the meeting of our own needs. Instead, the most satisfying and joy instilling times have been when we realize that the purpose of our marriage to is encourage development and growth in our spouse to become the best Godly example possible. For me, I want her to feel honored by her husband. When I drop all things, peer into her heart through her eyes and just listen, she falls in love with me more and more. I have also learned not to solve her issues but rather pray that God lead her to solution so she can grow. I may ask her some clarifying questions, to get her thinking, but stop there. Here is where knowing a powerful God transforms a marriage. I trust Him with her.
Another thing we have committed to is to never join in a conversation that speaks of our spouses shortcomings with others. While others may frequently denigrate their spouses and while we fully know one another's faults, we choose not to spread ours around. We have learned to enjoy speaking of the things that are blessings in marriage, including the trials that demonstrate our need for one another. Marriage isn't perfect, it is the process of perfecting us as we learn to live life together. How much more profitable is it to speak of the way we chose to accept rather than join in destruction or commiseration of character, especially of one we say we love.
Intimacy requires trust, favor and acceptance. It is far more than outward attraction and physical desire. Marriage is designed for character building; development of integrity, honor, favor, deep and meaningful love. In its deepest sense, marriage is most successful when it focuses on the other rather than self. We have found that when we sacrifice our needs, to meet the other's, the depth of relationship moves far beyond what we could ever dream or imagine. We have found that our marriage, built on trust and faith has kindled the most fulfilling friendship we could ever have on earth. Perfect harmony rises through discord and sacrifice. A joyful marriage erupts when we choose to celebrate our spouse and honor their life. Don't believe the lies of the world. Chose to live differently. Consider how to spur one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24 in the Bible). This alone will keep and transform our marriages for decades.
Today, it seems to be a season of union, many saying "I do" to the loves of their lives and the adventure ahead with intimate partner. The trip of a lifetime can be found as a marriage moves through its courses. Having been married for over 30 years, we have discovered a few tidbits of wisdom. Carrie and I walked these decades listening to many dear friends whose investment in us leads us to do the same in others. As we walk through the sandy beaches of life, we hope our lives leave footprints of faith for others to follow as we follow our God, together.
There is nothing more energizing than the merging of two compatible lives. My bride and I have discovered we have many interests in common. Both Carrie and I grew up liking Snoopy. I still like Snoopy, but she elevates it to a fuller level; so much so that the wife of a recent couple staying with us asked, "Who is the Snoopy lover?". Yes, Snoopy (and on occasion the entire Peanuts gang, permeate the decorative theme of our home, and we both enjoy it. We also find the Craftsman style of furniture appealing as well, having made the financial commitment (encouraged by many bargains) purchasing many pieces for our home.
There are, however, many differences as well found in marital union and many can seem in opposition. You don't have to agree on everything, you just need to flex through your differences. So many of these 'differences' keep things interesting for both of you as they have for us. Carrie is extremely talented at sewing and crafting, many tell me I am talented in music and writing. She used to play the clarinet and I'm sure was quite good at it, but no longer pursues musical endeavors. I still continue growing musically, having merged my word crafting with tunes to create songs. We continually give one another plenty of 'space' to deepen development of our differences. I'm like the attention deficit disorder poster child of interests moving from one thing to another trying new things, mixing them with old (a past love of kite flying being one of them). She is stable, sure and consistent (sticking to and finishing her projects) something I continue learning as important for many parts of life and living. We rarely watch movies together as neither of us enjoys a shared genre, and we rarely watch the networks or movies at all.
Of all the things we have learned through marriage, the most important seems to be quite simple. Marriage is not for the meeting of our own needs. Instead, the most satisfying and joy instilling times have been when we realize that the purpose of our marriage to is encourage development and growth in our spouse to become the best Godly example possible. For me, I want her to feel honored by her husband. When I drop all things, peer into her heart through her eyes and just listen, she falls in love with me more and more. I have also learned not to solve her issues but rather pray that God lead her to solution so she can grow. I may ask her some clarifying questions, to get her thinking, but stop there. Here is where knowing a powerful God transforms a marriage. I trust Him with her.
Another thing we have committed to is to never join in a conversation that speaks of our spouses shortcomings with others. While others may frequently denigrate their spouses and while we fully know one another's faults, we choose not to spread ours around. We have learned to enjoy speaking of the things that are blessings in marriage, including the trials that demonstrate our need for one another. Marriage isn't perfect, it is the process of perfecting us as we learn to live life together. How much more profitable is it to speak of the way we chose to accept rather than join in destruction or commiseration of character, especially of one we say we love.
Intimacy requires trust, favor and acceptance. It is far more than outward attraction and physical desire. Marriage is designed for character building; development of integrity, honor, favor, deep and meaningful love. In its deepest sense, marriage is most successful when it focuses on the other rather than self. We have found that when we sacrifice our needs, to meet the other's, the depth of relationship moves far beyond what we could ever dream or imagine. We have found that our marriage, built on trust and faith has kindled the most fulfilling friendship we could ever have on earth. Perfect harmony rises through discord and sacrifice. A joyful marriage erupts when we choose to celebrate our spouse and honor their life. Don't believe the lies of the world. Chose to live differently. Consider how to spur one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24 in the Bible). This alone will keep and transform our marriages for decades.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
The Hardest Things Done Always Reap the Greatest Rewards
At this point in time, I find I have many Facebook friends having either a loved one in transition off planet, or surviving a recent loss of a loved one. Until we lose someone very dear and near to us, we just don't seem to think about or ponder the pain others are going through, and in many ways it makes us uncomfortable.
Having led grief recovery groups for over four years, now, my most recent event was colored by the relatively recent loss of my father and having my mom join us. And, it was all good.
Did my eyes well up in tears from time to time? Yes. Especially as a young lady, having recently lost her father tearfully shared about it. And yes, I could relate to her grief and welcomed her tearful, emotional expression of love demonstrated to us all. Our eyes of compassion connected to her heart as we just sat with her. We didn't have to say anything. Her tearful sharing brought touches of healing through the act.
While we sit in grief, the most effective thing anyone can do is to just sit with us in the moment. A nod of affirmation. A gentle hug. A great friend knows the love language of their friend in need and just offers it back to them. If your grieving friend is an encourager, speak simple words of encouragement, like "I am here for you", or "Its okay, don't apologize for your grief, let it be what is, real and hard". If your friend is a person of few words, and a doer, say little and just do what will help them next. If a hugger, hug. If a crier, cry with them. If a joker, find ways to lighten the moment, gently. A smile and a bit of laughter may go a long way. If they are a loner, let them be alone and be willing to stay near. Discover what they need and provide it for them. This is love in a grieving person's moments.
If you don't know the person, don't say anything. Get to know who they are. Listen. Listen some more. Don't act until you know. As you learn, do. The simplest thing is to help them do the next thing, or just sit with them with caring, unjudging eyes and heart, where they are, you there so they won't be alone.
Grief is the one thing ALL of us will probably experience and yet none of us talk about it. Every loss in every case is different and will hit us differently. There is no one way, one thing to say or one way to feel in the midst of grief or helping one in grief.
One of the many hardest things I did was drive away from my mom standing in front of her home knowing she would enter it empty after dad died. It hit me like a hurricane hitting shore. She had entered it empty before, when dad was hospitalized, but this emptiness would now remain permanent for the rest of her life. Questions raced through my mind. Visions of my mom crying herself to sleep. Numbness, solitude, the unknown. But we survived and she is now doing well. She admits that she is 'okay' (in semi-deflated tone), but she is bowling and has some good friends who surround her, some having lost their husbands years ago. And I am thankful for their presence in her life. They can help her in ways I can't...yet.
So if you took the time to read this blog, thank you. I hope you found it enlightening and helpful. I hope this might be part preparation, if you have yet to lose a loved one, or, if you have lost a dear loved one, a reminder or connection as you ponder your experience of loss and grief. Didn't the best comfort come from those who knew you and your life, speaking or doing with you as you do others?
The secret to being a great friend is knowing your friend and loving them the way they love you while sitting in comfort with them. Compassion is sharing passion. Coming alongside another relating to them as they relate to their world. Could it really be that simple? This is the greatest gift we could ever give, but might be the hardest thing we will ever do. But the hardest things done always reap the greatest rewards.
Having led grief recovery groups for over four years, now, my most recent event was colored by the relatively recent loss of my father and having my mom join us. And, it was all good.
Did my eyes well up in tears from time to time? Yes. Especially as a young lady, having recently lost her father tearfully shared about it. And yes, I could relate to her grief and welcomed her tearful, emotional expression of love demonstrated to us all. Our eyes of compassion connected to her heart as we just sat with her. We didn't have to say anything. Her tearful sharing brought touches of healing through the act.
While we sit in grief, the most effective thing anyone can do is to just sit with us in the moment. A nod of affirmation. A gentle hug. A great friend knows the love language of their friend in need and just offers it back to them. If your grieving friend is an encourager, speak simple words of encouragement, like "I am here for you", or "Its okay, don't apologize for your grief, let it be what is, real and hard". If your friend is a person of few words, and a doer, say little and just do what will help them next. If a hugger, hug. If a crier, cry with them. If a joker, find ways to lighten the moment, gently. A smile and a bit of laughter may go a long way. If they are a loner, let them be alone and be willing to stay near. Discover what they need and provide it for them. This is love in a grieving person's moments.
If you don't know the person, don't say anything. Get to know who they are. Listen. Listen some more. Don't act until you know. As you learn, do. The simplest thing is to help them do the next thing, or just sit with them with caring, unjudging eyes and heart, where they are, you there so they won't be alone.
Grief is the one thing ALL of us will probably experience and yet none of us talk about it. Every loss in every case is different and will hit us differently. There is no one way, one thing to say or one way to feel in the midst of grief or helping one in grief.
One of the many hardest things I did was drive away from my mom standing in front of her home knowing she would enter it empty after dad died. It hit me like a hurricane hitting shore. She had entered it empty before, when dad was hospitalized, but this emptiness would now remain permanent for the rest of her life. Questions raced through my mind. Visions of my mom crying herself to sleep. Numbness, solitude, the unknown. But we survived and she is now doing well. She admits that she is 'okay' (in semi-deflated tone), but she is bowling and has some good friends who surround her, some having lost their husbands years ago. And I am thankful for their presence in her life. They can help her in ways I can't...yet.
So if you took the time to read this blog, thank you. I hope you found it enlightening and helpful. I hope this might be part preparation, if you have yet to lose a loved one, or, if you have lost a dear loved one, a reminder or connection as you ponder your experience of loss and grief. Didn't the best comfort come from those who knew you and your life, speaking or doing with you as you do others?
The secret to being a great friend is knowing your friend and loving them the way they love you while sitting in comfort with them. Compassion is sharing passion. Coming alongside another relating to them as they relate to their world. Could it really be that simple? This is the greatest gift we could ever give, but might be the hardest thing we will ever do. But the hardest things done always reap the greatest rewards.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The Best We Can Do
The day my father passed from this earth to the next life was July 19, 2013; Today, November 5, 2013. Every time I revisit my dad's grave, a new detail is added. First, a few weeks after his departure there was a laminated card in a green plastic holder with a few details, his name, rank and site number posted in neat row aligned with a host of others. Dad's marker is at the end of a row by the edge of an occasionally flowing stream. I arrived on my second visit with my mom and brother, to His engraved granite marker resting upon hardened reddish soil, the dry, compacted earth resisting placement of the spiked funnel shaped vase. And finally, yesterday, dad's marker was surrounded by thick blades of soft green grass, with soil so soft the placement of the vase and flowers were easy.
There is another thing noticed each time I arrive. This process progresses, increasing numbers of tags, markers and grass filling dad's section, 59A Others gather around to visit their precious spot, some bringing a chair, all bringing something to place by all that remains of physical account. Or is that really true?
Yesterday, as I walked past thousands of markers in search of my mom's bowling buddy's wife's marker, I envisioned what might be if only the deeply touched lives of those buried there all showed up at once (I know...who would think of such a thing?...me). I think, in some ways we would be surprised at who would show up, and who would not be there. More importantly, the ones who do appear would pack out the place, many desiring to stand by other's sites as well.
The Bible speaks of our lives as grass, a vapor all referring to brevity here on earth. Yet we are destined to live something much longer. Our lives, each one of them is a physical account of all who have lovingly invested, pouring their lives and wisdom into us, and for many, we will have an eternity to stand or sit with those whose lives led us toward this eternal existence and The One who made it all possible, Jesus Christ.
The longer I get to live, the more it seems revealed to me that life and its living is more about pouring into others, sacrificing our own self gratifying requirements such that others gratefully pour into us. We are born the most needy of beings and without the care of someone nurturing us, we would surely perish. The sign of maturity is moving from this requirement of care to being the one who lovingly gives it, not just to newborns, but spouses, kids, and friends. We have the opportunity, every day, nearly every moment to come alongside someone who could use some care; some word of encouragement; some genuine love. By doing so, it might be the act that would draw them to be one who would stand by our marker remaining here remembering the sweetness of our life touching theirs.
Next to every marker are the remains of a life who touched some. My mom was overwhelmed by the number of people gathering at dad's memorial to honor him. I am blessed to be the son of a man whose life unveiled the truth and way to live a life that was real and really spoke into the lives of others. I hope and believe that what God has started will continue through me to my children and grandchildren. I also trust that His work will do so into the lives of my beloved and all the friends and lives He carries me near. May He touch the lives of those around us as He leads us through today. It is the best we can do.
There is another thing noticed each time I arrive. This process progresses, increasing numbers of tags, markers and grass filling dad's section, 59A Others gather around to visit their precious spot, some bringing a chair, all bringing something to place by all that remains of physical account. Or is that really true?
Yesterday, as I walked past thousands of markers in search of my mom's bowling buddy's wife's marker, I envisioned what might be if only the deeply touched lives of those buried there all showed up at once (I know...who would think of such a thing?...me). I think, in some ways we would be surprised at who would show up, and who would not be there. More importantly, the ones who do appear would pack out the place, many desiring to stand by other's sites as well.
The Bible speaks of our lives as grass, a vapor all referring to brevity here on earth. Yet we are destined to live something much longer. Our lives, each one of them is a physical account of all who have lovingly invested, pouring their lives and wisdom into us, and for many, we will have an eternity to stand or sit with those whose lives led us toward this eternal existence and The One who made it all possible, Jesus Christ.
The longer I get to live, the more it seems revealed to me that life and its living is more about pouring into others, sacrificing our own self gratifying requirements such that others gratefully pour into us. We are born the most needy of beings and without the care of someone nurturing us, we would surely perish. The sign of maturity is moving from this requirement of care to being the one who lovingly gives it, not just to newborns, but spouses, kids, and friends. We have the opportunity, every day, nearly every moment to come alongside someone who could use some care; some word of encouragement; some genuine love. By doing so, it might be the act that would draw them to be one who would stand by our marker remaining here remembering the sweetness of our life touching theirs.
Next to every marker are the remains of a life who touched some. My mom was overwhelmed by the number of people gathering at dad's memorial to honor him. I am blessed to be the son of a man whose life unveiled the truth and way to live a life that was real and really spoke into the lives of others. I hope and believe that what God has started will continue through me to my children and grandchildren. I also trust that His work will do so into the lives of my beloved and all the friends and lives He carries me near. May He touch the lives of those around us as He leads us through today. It is the best we can do.
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