I'm Free

There is a price to pay for caring and an even bigger one to pay if we don't. One of my young college age friends (Daniel) I spend some time with as a mentor writes quite eloquently. In one of his musings, he wrote that time is the only real commodity we have to spend that is truly 'ours', and I agree. I would also like to add that if time is not invested in people that we encounter through our day, our time is squandered and fruitless.

So, it is not just the amount of time we spend with people, it is the investment, the care, the knowing of who they are that brings abundant joy to our lives. Priceless memories are made; laughter, struggles and the getting through together. It requires us to get our heads out of our own struggles and celebrations, looking for and toward the struggles and joys of others. The cost? Time. There is no substitute for time.

God has given me a gift that I am grateful to 'own'. It is the gift of looking into lives, even in the darkest turmoil with compassion, yet not being consumed personally by it. I can remember once while awaiting my son's birth, the maternity nurse told us to take a walk around the hospital before Carrie was admitted. We decided to walk to the neighboring Children's hospital where she worked (we discovered on our return that she didn't mean that far, but it all worked out). Arriving at the familiar nurse's station, across the hall a baby was struggling for breath, Carrie telling me she would not be here much longer.

The infant girl was alone in the dark room, the parents not present because they could not endure being near as their daughter struggled for breath and life. I can't imagine the pain of a mother and father watching the child she recently gave birth to struggle for breath and life. So surely their choice was understandable. There was no miracle, no healing, no surgery that would save her life. While Carrie talked outside with the fellow nurses who passed by, I was given permission and entered the room.

I picked up the baby and, yes a few tears came to my eyes, even as they do now in my musing. On the joyous eve of the birth of my second son, here was a baby, alone, facing eternity. As I prayed for her, and held her, an unmistakable peace entered my soul. It was as if God Himself was holding her and letting her know, through me, that she would soon be at peace and see Him. Indeed, it was painful, and for a moment she calmed as I held her and squeezed her precious fingers. In that moment of caring, I was given a great gift. First, the gift of His comfort to me, in that moment of my angst for her young life, and second being God's comfort offered through me, to a needy soul. He provided His gift of endurance to both of us, in the face of such struggle. Finally, the realization that every life, in every kind of need, is to be given His care and comfort as He moves me into their lives.

Sure, it hurts to be around those who hurt. For many, I suppose it would be overwhelming and consume them. But for me, I am compelled to cherish and invest in such lives, to be where many are not and cannot. Not because they are bad or wrong, but because they just can't. It would seem unbearable and utterly heartbreaking for them. Yet for me, for a brief moment, I entered the world of a beautiful infant girl and hopefully made a significant difference in her life for that moment. Because of her life and struggle, I cherish the lives of my children and their relative health and have come to esteem life, no matter who or what the trial or turmoil.

Yesterday, family, friends and hospital staff joined together as we celebrated the life of another beautiful woman, Britia (Bree-shee-uh). She was born April 12, 1971, arriving in heaven April 27th this year. Suffering from Huntington's Disease, she still brought great joy and art into this world in spite of her failing mind and body. She, like so many others I have had the privilege to meet and encourage in their midst of trials, Britia chose to live and do with all her heART. Linda Bounds, and her Healing HeARTs care into Britia's life left a legacy that I will cherish until I meet Britia in heaven.

I share one piece of her work here in honor of the special heART of Britia. Strangely prophetic, here is her work called "I'm Free". So much love was poured into her, yet through her, her joy in deep struggle we learned so much more about living life with joy in the midst of deepest struggle. You will be missed Britia, but never forgotten. Indeed there is a price for caring, but the cost of not doing so, would leave us unaware of the tremendous gift of life we have been given, and the honor to share it with those who can teach us most about the depth and richness of the life we share, together.

Significance in the Shadows of Living

A gentle breeze blows goes oft unnoticed in time of turmoil. We tend to get fixated and focused in the immediacy of what appears a life crisis or buried by the heap of things to do, that we miss the subtle blessings that can bolster us in troubled times. When I speak of 'crises' and 'heaps' the gamut can range from incidental to intense, mild to massive. But such struggles easily draw our focus away from seeing the gentle breezes that fill our lives and the joy that may reside deeply within us.

I find the 'indicator' of my place in this state of crisis or heap can be found as I examine that which consumes most of my thinking. Is it focused on me? Do I find myself regularly throwing myself pity parties, looking around thinking, woe is me? Another question I consistently ask myself is 'who is the benefactor of what I am doing?' If it is mostly self directed, occurring with great regularity, it is probably not healthy. I have discovered that my perspective vastly transforms when I invest my life into the lives of others. When I do and go I find my life isn't as troubled as I tend to believe. When I enter another troubled soul's life, I discover that my presence does much to reduce or bring comfort in the midst of their 'troubles', with mine fading in the depth of theirs. I can feel the gentle breeze in my life when I help them notice it in the midst of their anguish. What is wonderful too is when, I, at some point finding myself in true anguish, am met with one who does the same for me.

I have found that a soul once troubled, brought through the intense anguish and questioning, to the other side is best suited to bring comfort to another soul feeling troubled. Other crucial discoveries are, that my presence in their lives, in the midst of their struggle speaks enough, and I need add little else other than words of prayer and care.

Surely my friends enduring the ravages of cancer, and their families have significantly deeper angst than that which resides in me. Indeed, my friend who just lost her mom is reeling in the midst of mourning. Others who have lost and may soon lose their homes are trying to figure out their next step. My trouble? Being unemployed for a year now. Not unimportant, just less significantly troubling as that which several of my friends are enduring.

Yes, I have walked in the valley of the shadow of death. As we all will one day too. But nothing brings hope like having and knowing a loving and just God, who has forgiven and will forgive my selfishness and lead me into the lives of others in need with mine in tow. I do know that two sets of footprints together walking significantly improves both our faith walks. Significance is found when two walk in the shadows of life and living. I love being the gentle breeze in the life of another, for I am grateful for the others who have been such to me. What do you think? But more importantly, what will you do and whom do you know, could use a gentle breeze in their life today?

A Passion for People

Wrestling with my faith, my life, and all that passes through each day, I sit here fully knowing that I am a blessed man, even when life can be full of 'turmoil'. Coming to terms with what seems to be the end of yet another career and the start of another, an appearing open-ended, full on adventure (as if my other choices of employment haven't been?), I still stand amazed and blessed! I have been blessed with passion for my craft, whether it was woodworking, teaching or music and writing (the latter two are more hobby than income generation...yet). My passion for learning new things, being stretched in new ways and even for 'discomforts' in illness and transition of the living of life, meets well with my desire and passion for the leading of God himself through my days as long as they last.

Previously I shared of worth and meaning in a life, yours and mine (well, more mine, you will have to fill in yours as a response to my musings). And, as I forge ahead in my adventure, you should yours as well. The question that should arise then,is how should and will my life press forward as one making a difference and how will and should it look? As I think about it, I find myself coming to the conclusion that there really isn't any time to waste, squander or 'let slip away' doing 'nothing'. I guess that is why I just don't watch hardly any television unless I am doing something (usually watching one of the several cooking programs while preparing the evening meal). It is also why I blog, and write, both prose and poetry why I practice my musical instruments, why I move through my days helping at my church and in the lives of others.

And here is where today's focus lands...investing in the needs of others. I have found that throughout my career choices, and 'doings', the common thread, the passion that made those jobs meaningful were and remain the relationships I enjoyed as part of the 'work'. God has used me to also bring a love for reaching out and building relationships into others, getting them to start doing the same, even if they do not have the 'affinity' to do so. I have seen Him transform lives, especially mine, as together He shows us how to love one another.

Now, I wish I did a great job at this, but find myself improving and moving in the right direction even through mistakes and blunders. I also find that people enjoy the risk of someone caring rather than resting on my comfortable 'easy chair' at my computer. But even this blog stands as what I hope is a part of multiplying community and the passion I have, caring for people. Musically, my horns and guitars are tools. I can choose to use them selfishly for my own personal enjoyment and edification, or develop my skills as a means to help others find pleasure and resonation with my heart of passion as well; a passion first for God, and then for people, all people as He leads me through each day.

Our jobs, doing the laundry, dishes, homework or shopping can become empty tasks if we let them. However, if we see these things as part of the praise and worship of God, and also as a means to help others find pleasure and resonation with our hearts of service and care, this world would be transformed by loving connections, deep connections to good, in spite of turmoil. This passion for God and people will then lead to passionate peace. We can be a part of His transformation of our world, one person at a time if we would just live with a passion for people connected to God's passion for people. It is the thread of life for me, how about you?

Living Life Beyond Myself

As short as I try to make these musings, there are plenty who may find it too much to read or too hard to ponder the issues I find myself wrestling. What I find interesting is these musings are held in cyberspace for what appears to be future generations to discover and potentially read, long after my demise. I can still find the blogs I did over a decade ago as a means of communicating with the parents of the students I taught which no one visits, nor would even consider visiting.

As I just celebrated another annual milestone, the significance (or mostly insignificance) of my establishment in this world, I was struck with this question; What significance will my life, all said and done have in the lives of those I love and care for, and those who may never know me, but discover my musings, of my life in the future? For isn't the deepest of personal human existence found in the legacy and meaning we have on the world, our world and places we go? Are we trapped so much in the getting through today that we have forgotten the reason for human life and living? Is life purely about only making a difference in the lives of others, the giving of parts of ourselves to help those in the midst of struggle and need?

Today, many rush to the epicenter of flooding and tornadoes that have ripped through parts of our nation. A few others are heading overseas to help others find hope and healing, doctors, nurses and caregivers finding worth in the sacrifice. But what happens when their strength dwindles as does monetary support? For there are still homes that need rebuilding from hurricanes many years ago, forgotten because the tyranny of the urgent compel us to drop and move to Tennessee and around the bulging Mississippi. There is no huge reward in staying the course and finishing what has lost its vogue in the long haul when it is needed most by what is remaining. Because what is left is left because it has no hope.

I am not saying this to criticize those who go and do, which is more than I have been willing to even try. I am one whose life reflects the exact thing I am speaking of, for I too move from what needs to continue yet remains incomplete, onto the next thing that has more appeal because a larger group is more in need.

We are human. We want our lives to count like none other for it is sad when any of us checks off the planet and few remember or pause to reflect upon that life, or worse yet, when they do, the life conjures up hurt and evil rather than beauty, joy and thankfulness. I do want my life to count for something, and it has, when I visit someone in the hospital or console someone who has lost a loved one. It has when I sincerely cared for a student and invested more in their lives than just educating them. It has when I truly demonstrated my love for my own two children (now adults) confessing my shortcomings as their dad, and recently with my wife as I confessed the same with her.

I do want my life to count for something; something bigger than me, and I think I've found how to go about it. Sure, I can do and participate in the good things, the self sacrifice, the honorable, but it will all be meaningless if by doing these, no one else is ushered into the kingdom of God or encouraged to continue the journey.

In Matthew 7 Jesus says this:
Mt 7:21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

This warning is for us who believe. How sad it is that they (we) be so close, yet totally miss the point. It is not what we do, it is that Jesus has a relationship with us, and our relationship with Him is moving forward as He tells us.

Jesus also tells us that "wide is the path to destruction". Many of us may think we are on the path, but really aren't. Ouch. Can you hear it in my musings? I am wrestling with some hard things here. But I have come to one conclusion. If I want my life to count for more than I can dream of, I need to trust it to the only one who can help me rise to more than what is humanly possible for Bob. Where can I find this? In God alone. The good, all the deep good you see in me is the result of my obedience to do as He asks. Not the inherent good in me, the divine and holy good found in God. Desiring my life to count for something will be of some benefit, but doing as He asks will reap benefits beyond this life, into the next.