Marriage, the microsm of faith and life as an American

As we press ahead to our 28th anniversary, having exceeded numbers of years 'independent' having spent more time together married than 'single', it is fun to see the lives of a young couple preparing to embark on the journey of sharing life together. Last night I was the sound man at our church for the wedding rehearsal of Kyle and Amanda (soon sharing the name of Smith). They appear young, around 19 or 20 and are unknown to me, yet as I watch them and their family gather together for this event and will see, as a stranger, the start of their commitment, I consider it an honor to be a minuscule part of their joyous celebration.

Weddings for me, wisk me back to the day I pledged my heart to the one who captured it with her character. It serves as a reminder and, as I watch the couple do the same, also reminds me of how little I knew about the depth of the commitment I was making over a quarter of a century ago. For in all honestly, I thought that my feelings of joy and great love had reached it's pinnacle and would carry me for the rest of our years together. It was only a plateau though, and now, through the years together, I have fully realized that the pinnacle is yet to come!

I am no less married today than I was back then. However, I can honestly say that the depth of my love and care for Carrie has been forged through working through struggle and difficult times (we still continue to do so, occasionally, today) as well as the joyous and ordinary events of sharing our lives together. I have come to learn that the challenges we faced and forged through have yielded the richest of joys on 'the other side', having slogged through it together. Often it wasn't graceful, but that too leads to the humor as we reflect upon those times.

The tragedy of many marriages these days, is that we have raised kids without seeing their parents work through such struggles, opting to go it alone instead. Please hear me, I do not look down on them, nor is it my intention to ridicule them. I have had many times of self-centered desires to walk away from my commitment, and can easily see how it could have overtaken me if it weren't for God intervening in my heart. In many ways, I stand in awe that Carrie has chosen to stay with me, yet I understand her commitment as well, and we are both thankful for one another and for the grace we have been allowed to have to stick to it. For as I stated in my vows, God alone would provide the grace I need to be the man she would have for the rest of her life, and by His grace, Carrie and I stand here together.

I wish I could say life together is easy. It is always easier when we arrive at the other side of the struggle. And can I also say that the sweetness of arriving there IS worth the pain of the path that we endured? ABSOLUTELY!!!!

I wish I could believe that the struggles we face as Americans is coming to an end. Frankly, I think it would be a travesty if it did. Don't we all get it? Some of our greatest triumphs rise out of our greatest struggle. But it isn't man's solutions that solve them. If we truly look, deeply examine the depths of the solution, while man participated, it was God who brought the results and answers, as they were too complex for even our best efforts to accomplish. Just like the national budget and all the other ails of our nation, it is beyond us to solve.

As I reflect on the bigger picture, marriage is the microcosm of life. It is complex and simple all at the same time. We start out thinking 'we've got this one', and then as we press ahead realize that what we stepped into was beyond what we are able to successfully navigate unless we find the way to sacrifice; unless we engage the learning of working together to bring success into the relationship. The secrets to a great marriage are found beyond myself and my own perceptions; the truths of life and the way we make differences every day are found in the living for others not ourselves, and for me, listening and following the God who created me. When I get this right, life forges ahead in similar fashion of Jesus, who cared and invested in people, ordinary and extraordinary. The more I give, the more love grows.

It is time for our nation to grow up and return to our roots, looking to God for answers and His leading and blessing as a result of our obedience to fall on our nation and our marriages!!! God will bless America, but America must choose to bless and honor Him in order to allow Him to do so. He will and has done the same in my marriage, and it seems like Kyle and Amanda too have the faith required to join the ranks of us whose marriages survived decades of trials by the grace of our Lord.

Heart to Heart to Heart...

Normally, when we get a chance to 'get away' we often go camping...especially here, in Idyllwild, California. This time, however, we decided to take yet another 'adventurous step' choosing to stay in a cabin instead. I like my life. I love my wife! She has always been willing to cater to the adventurous spirit that tends to drive me. Status quo, doing the same thing over and over again just isn't in me, and she appreciates, even enjoys what this 'spirit' has brought to our years together. What sold me and sealed my heart to hers was also her genuine "I don't need, nor expect pampering' life. Carrie has always been comfortable with comfort and outside of expected comfort. If she has need at the time and the 'normal' means to provide it isn't around, she just makes do with what is available. We share kindred hearts in this.

There is no one else I desire to have with me on my adventures than her. There is no one who fully understands me and adds to my adventures like her. I cherish her suggestions, frequently asking for guidance along the way, and together we have shared the most remarkable and rich life any couple could ever desire. Perfect? Fully harmonious and unified? Hardly, but through the years, as we grow in understanding of one another, we enjoy and have become more unified and harmonious.

We can sit at the table on the porch of our cabin, she making her bead bracelets, me reading or writing my blog, stopping to figure out where we will eat dinner, make reservations on the phone, me asking her if we should eat inside (where the live blues and jazz group will be performing) or inside where it might be a bit quieter, she choosing inside because she'd like to talk next. All the while, as I now make this blog entry preparing for yet another delightful, delicious and dewonderderful time with the love of my life, over another meal. While I may, in the past, have been disappointed in a restaurants offings, I have yet to be disappointed in the joy of sharing life with my beloved bride!

In a previous blog, I shared about my apparent next step of employment, a seeming step backwards on the climbing of the vocational ladder; and it is funny and very humorous that my life has always been an adventure of interesting proportions. Fully educated, even having a celebrated life, it seems that though I have been allowed immense success in all that I do, God never allows me to bask in any self glorification of it. Honestly now, I can say that I am thankful for it too. I always used to think, I'd arrive and get credit for the many wonderful things and talents God has allowed, and given, rarely though has He allowed such.

What I have come to appreciate, hope and trust is that when my life is over, there will be a celebration after I am gone, when I will not be able to be prideful or sin because of my self-serving desire for some of the glory. If the testimony of any life would be that others knew of God because of our passion and drive to love people as Jesus Himself did, and that were true of my life, then as I join my Master in glory, His glory will continue to rise because of a life spent honoring Him.

It is humbling, very much so. to think about being employed part-time as a floor sales person in the plumbing section of a national building supply store. It is humbling for me to be relegated to making far less per hour than I did even just out of high school as an apprentice carpenter. But just as I have learned in every aspect of life, I do things that few others can do, and I do the same basic things that every other human on the planet does as well. I take out the trash at home, I wash and fix our cars (well, not everyone can do that), I scrub the occasional toilet, I take shopping carts that others are too lazy to return to the near by corral, I still open the car door for my beloved, and in everything I do, I oft attempt to do it well.

So why not be the best plumbing guy with a teaching credential, having shared my expertise internationally, been a licensed contractor, photographer, musician, information technology manager, technology integration specialist at Jet Propulsion Laboratory, dad, husband, trash man, and just a guy? Why not? I can bring to this job what few if any could...and more importantly, be paid for it, getting me off the state doles of unemployment.

It often strikes me that in our times of 'entitlement' where people feel they 'deserve things', this is and potentially will be the doom of America. Hard work, a willingness to do what it takes attitude, and innovation have long left most of the working class. Here is where the reality and full understanding of Jesus fully faces and applies to my struggle and daily living. For the ultimate act of humility and love came from a part of the God triunity, Jesus Christ choosing to go on a short term mission trip, leaving the perfection and peace of heaven to visit His creatures, showing them clearly His power and willingness to pick up the trash and do as we do. He chose to meet with those society despised and did not appreciate, and he took on the religious leaders who should have recognized who He is.

Jesus has challenged me, today, to walk as He did, willing to give up what I think is majestic and beautiful in this world, to hold on to what truly is majestic and beautiful in this world, His presence and leading. I wish I could say that thus far I have done well at it, but truthfully, the only things done well have been the things He has done in me, with me, for others, exposing the glory and deep love of God for His people. I have learned so much about Him through the beautiful five foot two lady He provided for me for these past nearly three decades. I have learned so much about Him through my friends at churches I have attended and through pastors, imperfect as they are, who shared their lives with me.

I look forward to what will unfold, the fullness of being and living this wonderful life He has led thus far, into the future, and eventual eternity those of us will share with God if we choose to listen and have a relationship with Him. In many ways this is my heart to heart with the few friends who read my minuscule musings, but in so many ways this is God's heart to heart from my heart to heart with Him. I suppose this makes it a heart to heart to heart exercise.

I rest in thanksgiving and awe at all that this insignificant life has been allowed to experience; sincerely appreciative for the wonderful friends and great family generously placed around me. For every opportunity, every grace, every joy, every struggle and every detail, including this sweet retreat to the hills, is rich in blessing, and I relish it and the bountiful love of all who choose to join me in such adventures.