Delve Deeply

Change is hard, but beneficial.  The hard part never finds ease and would overwhelm if the beneficial were never considered.  All this coming from a man whose life, career, and, with exception of spouse and home, has been riddled with embraced change.  Loss of any kind slaps us in the face with regularity.  It could the loss of a pet, loss of a job, or harder yet, the loss of a dearly loved friend or family member.  The stinging absence of loved ones can bring blows to our hearts and stomachs, with springs or waterfalls of tears and sorrow flowing, especially in this season.  Were it not for friends and those who love us, choosing to surround us, darkness and angst could press in and consume.

Yes, it is hard for those hurting to enter into the holiday celebrations, yet nothing is better for the soul than entering these times of 'normal'.  It should not be ventured as a means to forget the pain of  loss, or even escape them, but rather to find rescue from potential consumption, a return to 'normal' living, in the moment, with those you care for and who care for you.  It is here where time of remembrance can meet with times of celebration in the midst of pain.  It is not a time of moving on, rather a time of moving forward.

Because I am deeply devoted to the girl of my dreams (my wife), and because I came so close to my demise a decade ago, I know that in my heart and with her, I tried to clearly communicate my desire for her to continue, in joy, after what seemed to be my soon to occur passing.  God, had I departed, had wonderful things still in store for her, with or without me, and thankfully, my life was spared to remain with her, for now.  I am confident if the tables were turned, she would wish the same joys in her absence, and I would find myself struggling to find the joy if pressed to the loss of her, but I would find that joy.  Sure, I don't want to imagine my life without Carrie, and she did not look forward to life without me.  But we were confident that whatever God has planned, she would find her way through while I stepped into eternity in wait for her arrival.  Today, I count my blessings everyday I have her waking beside me, given opportunity to meet and engage my grandson as well as be part of all things that has occurred in my life since that difficult season in my life.

Precious are the remembrances of all we shared with our loved ones through our lives.  Every day, every holiday season we have and had together are rich in love and joy, this heart treasuring the memory of them all. These are the joys that make loss such struggle.  These memories, these seasonal events, these passages these personal, deeply enriching investments fashioned into constructing our hearts for purpose and meaning.  For those who drink deeply from the well of life, deep is the angst of loss.  Brief the time we got to spend with our daughter-in-law's father, but rich and meaningful our times together and we remain thankful for the man who helped raise such a wonderful woman.  I find myself missing Mike's deep laughter and large presence at our family gatherings, and I know his wife Linda misses him every single day.

The next holiday season (yes, I am already ahead of the game thinking about how fast this holiday season has arrived) will come quickly for most of us.  Maybe less IPad and tablet video games and more card and board games filled with discussion would be of more value.  I know I struggled with being overwhelmed with exhaustion this past Thanksgiving, thanks to my retail work schedule.  I felt robbed of my chance to drink deeply with my family and it is costing this soul a lot this season, all because of the retail holiday consumption distractions.

So what is it you need embrace today?  Are you willing to drink deeply from the well of life and times together with a friend or family member?  Who do you know that could use a lift today?  A phone call or visit of friendship to warm their hearts in need?  A card?  (not just a Christmas card either).  A simple delivery of baked goods?  A simple hug?  A moment of care invested to drink deeply the memory of someone special in the life of a friend?  And, don't just stop after the first of January.  Let's delve deeply, drinking in the water of life together, the moving forward and the investing richly in the lives of those we love cherish, in this season and all year long.

Grafted in Gratefulness

For one and a half centuries the fourth Thursday of November, for Americans, is to be dedicated to a celebration of thanksgiving.  The first celebration ever, is believed to have occurred in 1621 with pilgrims and native Americans.  It was attended by 53 pilgrims and 90 native Americans.  It was a result of thankfulness after a great drought ended, and just another celebration of  thankfulness as believers responded regularly with thanksgiving, days of prayer, even in difficult times then.  It was ten years after pilgrimage to the new land.  It became an annual tradition when President Abraham Lincoln (in 1863) declared it a national day of "Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens", to be celebrated on said Thursdays.

As we prepare our feasts, gather with family, or not for some, today's thankfulness should rise from a year's worth (or more) of remembrance.  For me, every day is filled with thanksgiving.  There are monumental occurrences which resonate deeply with grateful, rich, decadent thanks from this heart.  As our family (my mom, brother and I) sat together, huddled in a private waiting room, being told my father would probably not survive his pancreatic surgery, my brother and I cried out to our LORD, calling on our friends to join us, and He rescued dad from the claws of death.  God provided me with multiple jobs, pressing me forward in His calling.  He rescued Carrie from a debilitating spine issue, forcing her to take a half year off work a little over a year ago.  We are thankful she has had a pain free return, given new opportunities to use her skills and learn more about Cystic Fibrosis care, pulmonary, gastro intestinal care in children, working in all these clinics at Children's Hospital as adjunct, not lead.  Sufficiently relieved of overwhelming job stress, God continues to increase her nursing value as we continue forward in His ministry, His plan.  He blessed us with a grandson a little over a year ago.  If you have been following my writing, this package of energy, curiosity and love, has transformed our hearts with abundant thanksgiving and blessing.

I could, and should go on and on, plethora of reasons, miniscule to magnificent with thankfulness to God, for ALL He has forged, and allowed in our lives.  The first Thanksgiving lasted three days.  For some, today will be the only day of pause and thanksgiving, impeded upon by the plethora of distractions tomorrow holds.  For me, today rises out of plethora of remembrances, days, hours and events that rose in thankfulness offered to God, daily.  I stopped then, as I do today, only today will be filled with the basking, this heart, in remembrance of all that wafts to mind, considering this year riddled with thankful moments.

We will have all but one couple in our family around our table of Thanksgiving today.  Just the being together is celebration enough, an entire family reveling in joy and festivities shared.  Such great gift, this gathering.  We join centuries of celebrants who took pause to gather around a feast, feasting on the bounty delivered to all, from the hand of God.  For those of us who find ourselves in relationship with Him, it is a time of recounting, remembering and relishing such sweetness of relationship, His hand of provision through the calm and the storms of life.  From miniscule to magnificent, we will assemble around a table of blessing, prepared and shared together, my heart grafted in gratefulness to all God allows this soul to drink deeply, from Him with thanksgiving.  Again I say, I am thankful to my LORD.  Grafted in Gratefulness.

Of Aromatic Drippings

It was three years ago when I found myself part of this ministry team heading to Croatia to join with some there who teach English as a second language.  Kent and Cheri are two Americans who, while living and loving the people there were key in starting a Bible based church called Living Hope (Ẑiva Nada) now led by a pastor who is a national of Croatia.  It was a sweet trip for me continuing my call to love people wherever my LORD led me.  I had opportunity to love the members of the team and those in Split, Croatia while walking the streets and breathing the air.  My blogs (http://bobariicroatia2010.blogspot.com/) spoke of the many things that happened while there, including receiving the news that one of my students had finally succumbed to the brain cancer that wreaked havoc in the family's life, and of a significant illness that took the wind out of my sails while in Croatia.  Indeed, it was quite a trip, the blogging refreshing my memories and details of a time, just a few years ago, fuzzy, faint yet filled with life transforming events in this soul.

Slammed in the middle of the trip with intestinal illness, discovering an issue with low blood sugar, I missed a trip to Livno, Bosnia to visit the educational ministry ongoing there.  I couldn't understand then, why such event would occur, as it seemed one of the primary reasons I was to go, me, being the professional teacher in the group.  But I did have opportunity to meet with those who were in Bosnia in the fog of my recovery, and they definitely desired my joining them there in the future, and it did occur a year later.

No team, to go with or there when I arrived, I found myself jumping headlong toward the place I missed a year previous, with opportunity to spend not a day, rather a week with the people in their planetary spot, Livno, Bosnia...and I blogged of my trip there, starting here (Grateful Gifts for Hopeful Hearts) with this year's trip blog starting here (I Missed My Plane Plain and Simple).  Twice I have had opportunity to care and invest in the teacher's lives there in Livno, and also in some of the students.  While preparing to leave Bosnia this year, the headmaster of the college bound high school offered me a job there (also with full disclosure informing me that I need either learn the language or share my meager pay with my translator).  I think he was a bit surprised when I shook his hand,  looked him in the eyes and told him I'd consider it!

I share of this again, with you, my readers, as result of yesterday's meeting with the professor who leads the trip having co-led with him the past two times.  He confirmed his request (as we parted company in Bosnia this year) that I join him again.  The first full week in March, 2013 the next conference 'is on'.  Indeed, I again feel the tug, no, the impetus to return, and lay it before my LORD seeking, yet again, His provision for the trip, financially, prayerfully and supportively.   Without partners the task would be daunting.

The past three trips have been sans spouse and each year it seems more evident that she participate.  God has given me a partner whose skill and care not only brings increase to my potential and abilities, but is also useful wherever she goes...and I love to have her go places with me.  Carrie's pediatric nursing career could have wonderful use there in Bosnia, potentially joining and encouraging another nurse there exploring investment of care and improvement of such in those with healthcare issues.  She has many other wonderful gifts of caring too.  So this time around, I am praying that God might allow my wonderful partner in life ministry, join us as it seems I head, once again, toward Bosnia.

If you did not follow me on past trips, it is my hope you might read of that which I had opportunity to participate, while on foreign soils, as care flowed from and into this soul.  It is also my hope that as you do, you might feel a tug to join me in prayer, join in the adventure as God leads you.  God provided every dime I needed and more in my past trips, and I am confident He will continue the trend.  This year's trip will cost more should Carrie join me, but again, we will watch it all unfold, should God confirm this venture, with or without her.

I am not sure who gets more out of these trips; them? or me.  Here stands the beauty of 'ministry'.  Our desire is to bless others.  God's plan is to bless all.  As I go to bless teachers and those there working to improve teaching, they, their lives, their sacrifice, their hearts, inspire and bless me. My trips there live joyfully complete, seeing blessing in all, for all.  As I closed my time with the teachers there, I asked what more they might need.  It seemed clear to me, as I carefully listened that, should I return, I could teach some structural learning tools that would meet what they were unable to ask of in detail.  I left, already planning my return.  As I shared it with Dr. Garner yesterday, he confirmed it as the right stuff.  He saw my insight as a teacher, examining the instructional culture need there,  confirming and resonating as appropriate in his heart.  Over coffee, Brad and I spoke of being part of an amazing call to invest in education in a foreign land with skills God forged in us.  Humbling, daunting, exciting, full of compassion and love, we sat drinking in not only aromatic drippings of roasted beans, but the far richer aromatic drippings of the Holy Spirit.   All evidence of this Bosnian blessing at the hands of our beautiful, caring LORD.

Work From Your Rest

In August, I wrote about rest, calling it "Something Sabbath" http://offootprintsandfaith.blogspot.com/2012/08/something-sabbath.html.  In my theology class yesterday, my pastor (the professor of the class) said something I heard before from him but this time it connected, deep and meaningful as a washing wave over me.  I find this time in my life filled with much to do, and, the much to do is increasing, pressing other things out of my life temporarily.  This time is a season of creativity, a season of variety, a season of hope for this seasoned soul. 

My life is filled with gift use opportunities.  I start every day early, rising in prayer and listening for the still, quiet voice of my LORD, press on to this creative response of writing, and then move on to my day.  This morning, I will join the worship team at church, playing my guitars and using my voice harmoniously, adding the musical piece of my life to the corporate gathering of worship.  I will then meet with a dear brother from Indiana (he leads the teacher conference I join in Bosnia) wondering if I will join him yet again to teach, or not in Livno again.  Finally moving on to my day of work at Lowe's.  Tomorrow, Carrie and I will work on the bathroom remodel, finishing my day running sound for the worship team rehearsal.  And, the week goes on...I have plenty to do, having not even addressed the writing/editing work always at bay, awaiting my diligence of time and tenacity. 

My recent forgings into resting from my work, taking a sabbath, collided with deeper consideration as my pastor, Brian Craig, spoke of pendular swing between abiding and fruit bearing.  Abiding is what we do when we are not consumed by the working.  Some may call it resting, but it is dramatically different form of resting, and if we get this right, dramatically, abiding will have monumental influence as we work.  Fruit bearing is participating with God in such a way that effective transformation toward pure living in ourselves and others occur.  What my pastor said was,

"Rather than resting from our work, we should work from our rest."

And, he went on to discuss rest as abiding.  As I continue evaluating the discussion, processing what he said by chewing on and interacting with my LORD, the meaning deepened and moved my understanding.  To abide means to continue in a particular condition, to stay with, remain, await, to have one's abode.  Pastor Brian went on to talk about things we do that demonstrate abiding with God, things like prayer, rest, simplicity, worship, meditation, divine reading, hiking, listening and the like.  Fruitfulness can be working, ministry, evangelism and service.  But what if my fruit (work, ministry, evangelism and service) rose out of my abiding and rest instead of me seeking escape from work etc.?  If done properly, should I not diligently seek the rest as that which charges me work from instead of work toward?

Thus finishes the thought of my "Something Sabbath" blog, for I now cherish and require weekly rest to ensure my work is fruitful, working from what I hear and learn in that time of rest.  My pastor also stated that the Israelites were in captivity the same number of days that they skipped honoring God in Sabbath (I need to verify this as true soon).  He also posited that the day after God created man, He rested...the first full day of man was spent as God rested, man starting as God rested, joining Him in that rest as the first thing on our list of to do's.   

This changes everything.  I no longer see sabbath as resting from my work alone, but rather that which will allow my work fruitfulness as I work from my rest.  It is imperative that I find abiding time.  It is essential that I disengage from the tasks of other days finding abiding time.  I can do things that refresh and renew in this time of abiding, so it need not be 'taskless'.  But I must be careful that it not look the same as the rest of my week.  Something tells me that as I work from abiding, I will be given much fruit in life.  Not just success and income, but the real stuff of value, love, peace, gentleness, self-control, and joy.  It is time to work from our rest.

Always for Him, Always by Him

When we embarked on our 30th anniversary trip to Hawaii, it seemed significant, not just the blessing of decades of dedication, but as springboard toward continued rich, resplendent life together with the lady I love making lavish this life of faith with hers.  For well over a month now, I have been posting a picture a day (with a few skipped), on my Facebook page, from our trip to O'ahu and Mau'i, along with my interactions then and now as God speaks into my life.  A few have been posted to this blog, this one intersecting all aspects of my 'life'. 

It had been raining and this trail.  Slippery and slightly treacherous it stopped nearly all visitors early on; except us.  Carrie and I ventured to what appeared as end to the few arriving here, but I entered this 'hole in wall' of bamboo.  Narrow was the short, winding path, continually shrinking as even fewer and fewer seemed venture deep into its soul.  There is evidence of many walking up to the opening with decreasing evidence the further I ventured in. 

Significant is this image, as life and camera collide here and now in this soul spoke then as it does today.  This month is the month my California State Teaching Credential expires, and today I finish my last class to allow licensing by Wesleyan Denomination, as minister in the State of California.  Reflecting on my teaching career, I can see ministerial evidence as I cared for every student given privilege to teach, some taking up such care, stopping by my class after school or while they were on break, asking advice or in the days I taught at Christian schools, prayers.  It was an honor to invest deeply into those souls and via Facebook I get to continue, with some, in efficacy of prayer, as I follow their journey in life.

Thirty years ago, I headed down this ministerial path, my father then affirming as I started college, that I would be a wonderful minister, the calling seemingly fitting my character.  To most, it would appear I became derailed.  One of my professors made a statement that rocked me and sent me down a longer road.  He said,

"Ministry is the most difficult job anyone can fulfill.  I implore you, if there is any other job you can do that will bring satisfaction into your life, as career, do that.  For if you are not assured of your call, if not satisfied with nothing else but professional ministry, you will be led to ruin"

And so it was, I pursued everything else, until now.

I am not sure of what lie ahead.  But I am confident in The One who knows, making my feet sure on slippery ground, moving this heart compassionately forward.  For I can say to my professor,

I heard those wise and wonderful words, drinking them in exploring, all along, such satisfying jaunts as vocation and growth.  Pressing through each, I gleaned abundance and insight, investing my heart and soul employed, entrusted by those who saw my gifts.  However, in each job, I found a ceiling, a wall, or growing dissatisfaction, needing something more.  It was there, I discovered an opening to what lie ahead, the next step, and here, I find myself again.  I am thankful for the wonderful words, the brief moment where God used a professor to speak into this younger heart such wisdom.  And, I can, with utter confidence state:

Nothing, no other career, no other call will bring me more joy and satisfaction than that of ministry to those around me.  God has given this soul a sense of deep care for my fellow man, fashioned a rich faith, leading a rich life now fully cognizant of His rich call upon this soul of His.  Nothing brings greater satisfaction in this heart than spreading the words of God and His care into the souls of another.  I have seen miracle, answer to prayer and power unleashed in ways never imagined, not for my gain, but His  Not for my glory, but His.  Not by my hand, but His.  It was always for Him, always by Him.  May you and I always follow Him in this great adventure called life.

When Ethen Comes to Visit

Last night, our oldest and only married son called to let us know he and his son would be stopping by for a 'change of venue'.  I had dinner going (leftover arroz con pollo and corn cake) and Carrie (my wife) was whisking her way home from work.  Hurriedly I set the table, having dinner ready when my lovely bride arrived home.  We had time to debrief her day and mine while the excitement of our guest's arrival warmed our hearts.

We are extremely fortunate, having our son, daughter-in-law and grandson, Ethen, living minutes away from us; And we recognize the blessing, in this time, of their proximity.  Nothing puts other activities on hold like being with Ethen.  A few months past a year in age, our extremely observant, visually and sonically curious, constantly in motion grandson warms our lives like a fire in the fireplace on a cold, damp rainy night.  His giggly laughter, toddling wanderings, and especially his hugs melt our hearts, like dark chocolate in a double boiler.  Our world richly revels with wonder when Carrie and I get moments with our grandson.

Bryce, our son, is an amazing man.  Relational, caring, a blessing from God to the lives of those he works with, his friends as well as to his mom and I.  He makes time to visit his grandpa and grandma (my dad and mom) who live a little more than an hour's drive away regularly.  As a teen he would visit them on his own frequently when my parents lived in town.  He is hard working, a man of character and integrity and a follower of Christ.  His wife, Melissa is the answer to our prayers for him and the most precious daughter we could ever ask for.  Her accounting prowess and sweet, tender heart (mixed with some feistiness) fill the gaps in Bryce's life and together they are remarkable.

Yes, the world around us, the cares, the darkness all vanish when Ethen comes to visit, or whenever we as a family are together.  And it is such blessing.  Nothing thaws this heart like a blazing fire in winter fireplace than being with my grandson.  When I request a hug from him and he comes toddling with open arms to be scooped up by his loving grandpa, it is heaven on earth.  When he lay his head on my shoulder in blessed confidence and trust, fully relaxing his entirety, my total focus, my whole being feels wrapped in love, all gift from a beautiful toddler's heart into mine.

I cherish the joy, the moments of sweet celebration when family is together.  Not only at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but anytime we spend time gathered, with any family member.  Yet in a world riddled with turmoil, stupidity, concern, hard times, selfish ambition and evil, all these melt, no vanish as nonexistent, when Ethen comes to visit.  Scant on earth is the perfect, flawless diamond of joy shining in the eyes of this grandpa when Ethen comes to visit.

Not With Fear, With Peace

Conquering fear is challenging quest.  We all live in fear of something, or many.  Some spend our lives frozen, unable to face the gripping circumstance, relegating, relinquishing, succumbing to the power, the fright of terrible outcome.  To others, fear drives us, demanding we tackle the beast by thrusting ourselves into the fangs of fear, not blindly, we're not stupid; rather, having learned that when we do, with reasonable caution and planning, fear can be overcome.

The older I get, the more attempt, with greater success, I mitigate the possibility of terrible outcome.  Exercising greater and increased wisdom, I realize this body grows increasingly brittle, this life and living also.  A younger lad, discovering my fear of heights while working on swaying, bouncing, rattling scaffolding outside a four story building, I needed to make a choice, not work, let my fear negatively affect my safety by overwhelming me, causing me to do something that would lead to terrible outcome, or to trust those who constructed the scaffolding, and the seemingly narrow, worn, bouncy 2 x 12 planks I walked and worked on.  I watched my colleagues, either confident with these surroundings, or doing a better job than I in hiding their fear, work seemingly unaffected by that which consumed my thoughts, what to do if a board broke, or the seemingly rickety scaffolding gave way.  My worst fear never appeared.

Throughout life since, I have had opportunity to confront this fear of heights.  Moving toward the edge of escarpments while backpacking in the Eastern Sierras, working on other buildings on scaffolding, even taking up rock climbing as the Boy Scout Troop I led was fortunate to have experts show us the way to safely execute the sport.  Redundancy, careful placement of well maintained and designed equipment took most of the risk out of scaling and belaying rock faces and escarpments.  The more we met success, the greater my confidence grew, my fear of heights tempered, all but disappearing.  In fact, as you can see in the photograph above, I seem to enjoy the slaying of my fear of heights.

Today, I propose a different track than you might embark, if you had not read this blog; facing fear offset with trust.  Many of those I engage in conversation seem more fearful than ever, wondering if our government will make things better, or not.  Deliberating what will happen to our nation should our leaders continue down the slippery slope of overspending, bigger government, healthcare for the masses and more taxes.  Some of my friends are fearful because they have lost their jobs and their homes, have a spouse who walked out of their lives, or a dear loved one being escorted by calamity or old age into eternity beyond this life.  But there are also many of my friends who, in the same situations, do not walk in fear.  Sure, the ground is flaky and crumbling; the cliff seems impossible to scale, the future they had planned unsure, but they walk far differently than those enrobed, entrapped in fear.

I have found many, like myself, who have developed legitimate trust; Who, now finding themselves standing on the rock face, at significant elevation realizing they were led there by God, allowing Him to assure our footing and security not in the apparent dangers surrounding us, but rather in the lifeline that will keep us from ruin and demise.  Okay, we will meet our ultimate demise some day, sometime. We will also collide with near disaster and dissolution of our plans.  But for many of us, we have mitigated our loss, being assured of eternal contentment without fear.

The reality is we have a lifeline through Jesus; a real man, really God, who really sacrificed His life for ours, giving us full access to relationship with God.  It may seem easy, exchanging our trust in this world with instilling trust in the perfect God/man whose character none has yet defamed.  But if it is so easy, why don't more do so?  Does it seem too risky?  Would you rather trust in the wisdom of man?  Or the wisdom of a supremely compassionate, absolutely powerful, divinely sacrificial, morally uncorruptable God?  Doing so has moved this heart from fear to faith, from frozen fright, to releasing refuge as part of God's divine kingdom with His divine plan, taking me on my divine journey, on this stroll leaving these footprints of faith unencumbered, enrobed, en-rapped not with fear, with peace 

True Healing, Real Joy and Meaningful Life

Yesterday I blogged about love and the barrage and assault of the world around us preaching of it's counterfeit, a self-centered, selfish feeling the world has been led to believe is love.  This morning, I rose thinking of the book of Hosea (typically pronounced Ho-zay-uh), read it in its entirety with my heart breaking as the Jews abandoned their trust and love for God with costly ramifications.  I don't ever remember a sermon or sermon series from Hosea, and for many this book in the Bible can be seen as the 'downer' it is, tragic that a man would be commanded by God to marry a woman who would be unfaithful, walking away from the blessing of being married to a good man, providing greatly for this woman who is undeserving of such grace and mercy, unappreciative of real love, seeking the counterfeit, having probably illegitimate children as result, with Hosea remaining faithful to her.  Wow. 

In the middle of the book, God speaks of His provision for her in time of blessing, through Hosea as He honors his faithfulness to Gomer (Hosea's wife), but she failed to see that the time, though brief, of blessing and real love was not of Hosea, but from God Himself, for her, and she wanders away into the hollow search for what she perceived real love, selfish pleasure, and there were consequences as she walked away from God.  Not because He wanted to strip her of goodness and mercy, but rather because of His justice, as a means to woo her return, because God loves her, and Hosea as well.

My faith in God is not blind, nor based on empty hope.  It is not a bunch of rules, but a yearning to know what is real, what is true.  My desire is that I find a way to live as one who makes a difference in humanity for humanity with those I love, and I have found life not to be a seeking personal riches or that those who speak of me might call me a 'good man'.  I believe God exists because I see His hand, His work, His character, the fact of His existence as I mature in life.  While many run to and are tempted by the false love which satisfies an empty, self-centeredness, I have discovered wealth in understanding God's heart, His work, His faithfulness to His children who turn away from selfish ambition and pleasure, discovering beauty and pleasure far beyond anything the counterfeit love provides. 

Sure, it is hard to read a book like Hosea, and, to me, it parallels the plight of America's walking away from the God who blessed our nation as we followed Him in inception, but when I do, it is my wake up call.  My blessing does not come at the hands of my government, our nations leaders or even by the wonderful wife I have, and she is such wonderful blessing.  Our blessing falls from the hand of our LORD, the one true God who loves us beyond anything we could ever imagine or deserve, for we are the harlot when we are disobedient.  The consequence of our disobedience, just like the consequences of any loving mother or father guides and demonstrated deep love for their children is intended to redeem and raise upright and selfless citizens bearing true and meaningful love for one another, imitating and acting like God, like Hosea. 

The book ends with one final volley, 

Whoever is wise, let him understand these things;
        whoever is discerning, let him know them;
    for the ways of the LORD are right,
        and the upright walk in them,
        but transgressors stumble in them.
(Hosea 14:9 ESV)

I have stumbled plenty in life.  I have walked in disobedience, but as I listen, hear and pursue truth and real love, I have discovered that it is found in God, not in man.  It is not a set of rules, not religion, but is found in the one who can love an unfaithful person so much that He clearly shows us the way to real joy and love, a redemption from our wanderings towards real healing, real joy, real living.  Have you really tried God?  Not religion.  Not just the quest to be good.  Not the association of those who call themselves better than others, but rather those who know they are a harlot, a whore and wandered, but remembering the time of blessing as they walked with God, return to that time of relationship with the being whose desire is to bless us and lead us in a way that is true, selfless love, clearly demonstrated by He who is faithful to us in spite of our unfaithfulness.  I believe we can find true healing, real joy and meaningful life when we understand the real sacrifice God offers us through His son, Jesus, and the entirety of the scriptures, Himself.

Live to Love, Love to Live

Stop the train!  I need to get off!!!

Our trip to Hawai'i was nearly two months ago and I find myself longing to go back.  It hit me like standing in front of approaching bullet train this morning as I found myself pumping my legs and arms on the elliptical with 8 flatscreen monitors blitzing, no assaulting me, vying with visual stimulus for my attention.  In addition, the song on the overhead was literally screaming, yelling at me, this new form of 'music' whose testimony shreeking like our surrounding environment.

I find myself often retreating to silence, even at home; my residence becoming cocoon and haven from the cacophony of media and life.  A dear friend dying, work (having three paying jobs now), working out, shopping (yes, I go with my wife and have learned to enjoy shopping), writing, reading, studying and doing homework for a class, practicing music for ministry at the church, remodeling the guest bathroom, installing whirlpool jacuzzi tub and tile... I say it again, stop the train!  I need to get off!

And, I will and do as I can. 

Finishing breakfast, having returned from our usual Monday, Wednesday, Friday early morning workout (yes, even on Veteran's Day while most seemed take today off there), I will ready myself for a day of work at Lowe's, the first seven hour day in quite a while.  All this, while Carrie has her usual Monday off...and, this is the only day I am scheduled to work, at Lowe's all week!  My 'day of rest' last week was Friday, and I'm already thinking I need another, soon.  Like tomorrow.

In August, I wrote about taking such days; the importance of one day a week calling it Sabbath. (http://offootprintsandfaith.blogspot.com/2012/08/something-sabbath.html),and I have done so every week since.  Our vacation/30th anniversary trip to Hawaii was well deserved and much needed for us, and me, and, maybe because it was so restful (mostly) and refreshing to spend entire days with my beloved, I find myself longing return once more.  I am growing weary of the daily media assault and lack of consideration for others rising in our world.  There is such a refreshing breeze that floods this heart when I see others honoring one another before themselves, especially when it is offered to me. 

Yes, I need to be considered, and you do too, even indirectly.  When someone returns multiple carts back to the store at Lowe's (and it is rare), considering us, as employees, it blesses me.  Heck, if people would just return their carts to the corral, that would be considerable gift to us as well.  If we, one at a time would take the time to care for one another, simply and seemingly insignificantly, our world would be transformed with refreshing breeze of love.  Yes, love. 

Our take on love has been made counterfeit.  Becoming a feeling, we seek gratification, when, in fact, love requires sacrifice.  No, not what you are thinking, real sacrifice, real care.  Did you hear it?  How can customers show love to employees at Lowe's?  Being considerate to return carts to the corral.  What if they, when there was a problem with their purchase, understood that manufacturers make mistakes and so do our shippers and things are sold hiddenly damaged or missing parts.  What if, some of our customers, rather than steal parts, talk to us so we could give them to them and order the missing part from the manufacturer rather than going under our radar, selling it to another customer thinking it complete?  And all this dishonor and selfishness is just at one of my jobs,Lowe's.

Let me make it clear.  Love requires taking the time to learn what might please and honor another life.  You have to learn how they think, what makes them happy.  It isn't just giving them gifts, it is giving them the right gift at the right time.  It could be returning carts.  It could be giving flowers.  But frequently, it probably is, just the right words of encouragement at the right time.  Taking the time to pick up a piece of trash, or take out the trash.  The simplest form of love is taking the time, really taking the time to look into the eyes of another, discover who they are and what you may say to them to show them you know and love them.  I can't tell you what to do, they will, if you listen and observe.  Yes, it is time to love.  It is that simple.  Maybe I wouldn't need to escape my world if I were just loved more.  I live to love, because I love to live!

We Salute and Honor

For a while now, I have found myself writing about a man I have been given permission, by the family, to call 'dad'.  Warren Dunbar is not direct blood relation, duh, to me.  But he is and remains a father figure, spiritually speaking, to this heart and soul, a blessing of absolute value from God to me.  It is Veteran's Day and dad is a vet.  He fought on the soils and banks of the Rhine in Germany for our nation.  Side by side, he watched some of his friends and colleagues perish, God sparing his life to fight on in life, as His representative for His glory.

Now, standing in line at the welcome window to heaven (click here to read) dad has been privileged to wait and see his great grandson for the first time. 

For all his life, Warren has stood and lived for God.  He served, he gave, he sacrificed, he used his talents and gifts to benefit and lead in the Kingdom of God, as child of The King.  No man is perfect, we all struggle, fail and learn, but when our lives are placed in the hands of God, He redeems, adds value to our strife, bringing victory for His cause, the cause of holiness.  

We all walk in the wake of demands and causes.  We either choose whom we serve or default to serve ourselves.  My desire, having been shown the way, is to live as a man who lives for the glory of God, out of imperfect means, perfected by our King.  I had no privilege to serve our nation as a vet, but I choose to honor, every chance I get, to shake hands, look them in the eyes and heartily thanking them for what they have done and do.  It isn't just for a day a year.  That we give one day as a nation to honor them, when they gave years and some even decades of their lives and time in service to us.  No, I stop most everyday and pray for all who served our great nation, all who gave, with many giving all...still.

What have you sacrificed for our great nation?  How can you give more?  Pray for them.  Honor them.  Sit with them.  Love and appreciate them.  

Thank you, mom and dad Dunbar.  We salute and honor all you veterans today and always!

                                                               Warren and Val Dunbar

Choose and Use the Words of Life

An air of excitement touches my life having received my first check for writing/editing.  I say this, not in boast, but with great thankfulness, my LORD God seeing fit to press me forward as a writer.  Having spent a lifetime learning to engage, connect and communicate with my fellow associates in life and living, it seems He has opened yet another door, providing His care and leading into this life of His child.

As I examine scripture, the means God used to 'create' in the beginning was with words.  He said, "Let there be light." and light, for the first time ever, was given 'birth'.  Common as it is today, complex like no other form of matter, it beams into our homes, posits vitamin D in us, burns our skin (if we let it), and 'powers' photosynthesis.  Just as all of creation was spoken into being, it is my belief that words, well used and carefully crafted, can breathe life into souls for the good of His kingdom.  And so has been my quest, to be the Thomas Kinkade of words. 

If we stop just a moment, I'd like to propose also that with every good and beautiful thing, resides a counterfeit (Read my blog "Counterfeit Counter Fight").  Yes, make no mistake, the same powerful use of words can lay waste the spirit and soul of a man as well, or destroy the powerful mountain of good poured into a life.  Words used in haste, without filter, with selfish, self-serving ambition has equivalent power to destroy. 

Returning to my study of scripture, I have come to discover that God's desire is that we, created in Their image (yes, I find this multiplicity and singularity daunting task to understand as well), have been endowed similar power to utilize words to create, and destroy.  Having been given such power, the only thing I long to destroy is evil, not people, but the evil that desires consumption of us.  The only power?  God Himself and the words He lovingly placed as revelation, in the Bible, through those chosen to reveal Him.

My hope, my quest, my life has learned and leaned upon my understanding of His spirit, the powerful spirit of God Himself, placed in my life.  He has transformed this life, moving it from being steeped in disobedience to steeping my life in His cup, His will and His hope for this soul, here, finding peace and amazing freedom in the midst of turmoil. 

Yesterday, an interesting event occurred.  Needing help to solve an issue, I called a customer service line.  Jan (Janet) answered the phone and offered rescue, sending me an email (how I know her name is really Janet) with a link to the page of their site to resolve my quest for a particular product).  My gracious, kind response for her help was met with an interesting response as we finalized our conversation.  I was full of praise and thanksgiving for her work and help.  I shared with her that my hope was that most customers felt the same (knowing that my experience has demonstrated otherwise with many of my customers at Lowe's).  Her response was unaffirming immediately followed by saying, "You have not only made my day, but my week and my month".  A flowing, deep and grateful sentence transformed Jan's life; a complete stranger using words of kindness and appreciation breathing life into a commonly disparate, desperate soul.

There has been immense transformation within this heart of mine; A desire to be salt that flavors, water that brings life, and joy that brings peace into the lives of those I know and those who read the musings of my heart as it interacts with The God of the universe,  The Creator of it, The Master of words designed to transform empty space, fill it with light and carry it all with His purpose.  He/They created us in their image, endowing us with similar power; the power of words, true words of life, standing easily against the counterfeit words of destruction.  Choose today which kind of words you will use.  For me, I long to choose and use the words of life.

Using and Including

I work several part-time jobs to keep me busy, thankful for the employ I have.  Today, I will open at Lowe's (5:30am) working 4.5 hours, then will work at the preschool (facilities manager), finally editing and writing for a neurosurgeon, who hired me for my writing/editing talents.  I enjoy the varied day I will have and see each job as unique opportunity to use my gifts and talents.

Yesterday, while working at Lowe's, I had two nice customer interactions.  With the patience and care I learned as an elementary school teacher, every encounter, with every customer is spent first listening carefully, then, if I don't fully understand what they are looking for, gently queried for more information.  It is always a caring dance as often they are not sure what the plumbing part is called.  What I appreciate about Lowe's is they say customer care (they call it customer focus) is paramount, and I live to care, so it fits me well.

The first interaction that captured my heart was a middle aged couple (maybe 15 years younger than I) shopping for bathroom grab bars and a handheld shower fixture.  Obviously not for themselves, I asked if they were doing a remodel for someone.  With a hearty yes, they spoke of their neighborhood, mostly surrounded by those much older than they and of a particular neighbor who for decades brought fruits and vegetables from his yard needing these accoutrements in his home now.  They seemed to know what they were looking for, so I thanked them and praised them for being such wonderful neighbors.  It was a sweet moment.

I went back to front facing (straightening out neatly) the faucet boxes in the aisle, while listening to them as they talked.  It made the moment even sweeter.  The lovely couple carefully examined the display, discussing what they liked about the grab bars and handheld shower fixtures and what features they thought their neighbor would appreciate.  It was apparent that they knew him well, even more apparent that they loved him greatly.  They were hovering over the two articles for a half hour (I continued working and later returned to the aisle peeking around to see if they were still there, and they were).  Their love for their neighbor elevated my heart and day confident that he, their neighbor would be absolutely blessed by their caring purchase.

The second encounter was precious in a different way.  Ken came to the plumbing desk looking for a bypassing shower door.  He had gentle demeanor and seemed a little down.  He was price conscious so I pointed out the features of our in stock doors.  He wanted installation so I continued in our usual path, selling him a detail.  I am not sure how it came up, but in our conversation, he mentioned that he had recently lost his wife.  It happens to me a lot.  People tell me the darndest things everywhere I go.  Sometimes when I am standing in grocery lines, a woman will tell me of her marital troubles.  I often ask Carrie if I have a sign on me that says 'counseling and care for free'.  Carrie has been present when this stuff happens, so she knows about these 'interesting' encounters.  I responded to Ken by looking him in the eyes and told him I was sorry to hear of his loss.  I could tell by his return gaze that he felt some comfort from my genuine, caring response.

Feeling led by the LORD, I asked him if he attended a church and he did, a very large one in El Cajon.  Leading a grief recovery program, I asked if he attended one at his church knowing they offer one.  He had.  All this 'side conversation' happened while I was waiting for the computer to update as I continued forward with what Ken needed from Lowe's, and since it was relatively quiet, I extended full care into my customer, as I do with every customer.  We finished getting him the detail, someone to come out an measure to assure what he wanted will work, and Ken thanked me, shaking my hand, with gentle, sincere gaze into my eyes as we parted.  I believe he left not only getting what he came for, but also with the love of our LORD.

I feel compelled to share these stories, not as a means to puff me up, rather, I hope as a means to encourage others to do the same as the young couple, care for your neighbors, giving them the incredible gift of love, and for others, like Ken, taking the time to learn of where they are in life, making a difference with the care of our LORD.  I have learned much in humility working at Lowe's, but I also see my job as more than just a job.  Every day, I have an opportunity to care, wherever I am; in my neighborhood, in the stores, at Lowe's, at the preschool, and even with the doctor for whom I help with writing talents given by God.  I pray for both, the couple who warmed my heart and the heart of my LORD, and Ken, whose aching heart is wondering why she went home.  In my previous blog, I spoke of building community.  God had the couple show up, letting me know community is and does happen, and used me with Ken to demonstrate He is using me and including me for His glory investing in community around me. 

Giving Us What We Deserve

The way I look at the election is that we are a nation divided.  It seems clear to me, that a little less than half of us seem content with where our nation has been the past four years with a little more desiring change.  The other choices for leadership were not overwhelmingly convincing.  Our nation could not see all those picked as potential change agents in leadership as potential agents of restoration.  I say this, because, as I compare it to our city's mayoral and committee race, the outcome was vastly different.

We live in a small city, Santee, California.  For a long time, as the city looked for revenue, the thought it rested in was a home building project mostly in a landlocked portion on the outskirts.  Blocked in by government land (military property) many of us opposed it because of the obvious traffic issues it would place on our already crowded and limited outbound/inbound roads.  Our leaders listened and looked for other ways to develop revenue.  New shopping centers and the soon arrival of a private college is turning our city into a 'gem', and, for the incumbent mayor and councilman, a landslide victory.  Not even close, our residents pleased with our government officials decisions voted heartily in support of their response to us, and their insightful way to meet fiscal responsibility.  There was an issue with a street falling into great disrepair, the city posting signs that the road was private and not their responsibility.  When a well represented portion of our city attended the council meeting dealing with the issue (the town hall was filled to standing room only overflowing into the parking lot) the city council agreed to find a way to repair the road in response, and fixed it rapidly.

In short, they used their wisdom and thinking to find ways not to raise taxes, but find new revenue for our community without burdening us with more expense.  In fact, our city continues having the lowest sales tax in the area!  Because they have found ways to bring revenue in without forcing what they thought would be the answer, they showed us great leadership and we, the people responded with a hearty amen.

Not so with the rest of our nation.  We stand wanting answers, desiring a better life with our dollars going farther and maybe even healthcare for everyone.  But I think we are in for rude awakening as it all unfolds before us, unless we are prepared, those who have health care now, for less.  To me, it is rare that government has done better than private sector in caring for our people.  But many of the private sector companies have also become stingy and self-serving, also not gaining our support, facing regularly increasing costs.  Not so with my Carpenter's Union Trust as it has steadily grown, seeming abundantly secure for my retirement, far beyond the 'cost of living'. Social Security?  No such guarantee.  Our national debt growing to unbelievable levels brings little comfort to this soul bent on spending what I have and not what I have not, focusing on taking financial care of my family and investing for those I love, as I work, underemployed, with a degree, working 3 part-time jobs to 'stay afloat'.

I confess not being smart enough to answer the nation's needs as part of the world economy.  But I also wish our governmental leaders would take same suit, seeking guidance and wisdom not in and of themselves but from our LORD God, for the people, by the people.  If we had candidates that did so, I believe there would be, like here in Santee, a landslide victory.  Surely there must be ways and means to provide for everyone in our nation in a different way, with resourcefulness not resentfulness, with real resolution not ranting resolve, a way with integrity and not indebtedness, financially and socially speaking.

When we have candidates who listen, respond and do for the people, by the people and with the people, there will be unity.  When focus is placed on solving deep seated issues, fiscally and financially, with responsibility and non-partisan resolution, without attaching ridiculous side issues to bills, the rise in governmental support will grow.  Americans everywhere are starting to see the need to live with integrity, not indebtedness; we desire our leaders do the same.  I don't think I really care if they are black, white, homosexual or heterosexual, or? as long as they lead not from their platform and perspective of how they choose to live their lives, but see their lives of service as a means to benefit and transform our nation back into a solid, unshakeable union, with God as our leader.  I'm not asking those who don't believe in God to do so, that is your choice.  I am asking those of us who admit having God as our leader, step up to the plate and live like it, engaging Him in conversation, living with grace in a world that can use a heap full of it.

Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, we are a nation under God.  He raises nations and deposes them.  And He seems bent on giving us what we deserve as many who claim Jesus as LORD, walk away from Him.  But, in our small city, I stand thankful that we have been blessed with great leaders in a town of growing faith, He also giving us His blessing, what we deserve, in spades.

We Have a Place Prepared for Us

I will cast my ballot, bathed in prayer for our nation and my state today, then, packing guitar and Bible, head again north to be with Warren again, the spiritual dad I have spoken recently in my blog.  Anticipating my return, I warned him I would come today, 'dad' requested the musical part of me show up.   

I love music.  Nothing can speak to a soul, connect a heart, soothe and change our attitude like music.  It can become an scintillating beacon of living light in the darkest of times and it has connected me with God frequently as I encounter Him in this medium.  Music opens the doors of heaven in praise of His glory as I worship God bonding my heart with His, linking light and life.  Lyrics have risen regularly from my soul as I ponder my time here, the meaning and purpose of this soul placed in this time, with others around me. 

Psalm 47 says, Psalm 42:7 Deep beckons deep in your roaring waterfalls; all your pounding waves and breakers have swept over me...11 Why then are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!

Our nation sits in interesting times.  As a country we have lost sight of The One who gave our forefathers purpose in freedom, The One who challenged a group of human to endure great hardship, giving birth to a great nation.  A nation 'Under God' and indivisible, and as we walk away from God, we drift toward divisibility, loosing focus, loosing purpose, loosing freedom.  You may not think it, but there is great freedom in Jesus Christ.  Freedom to be and do right in a hurting world.  Freedom to encourage and build up others rather than attempt to destroy character.   Freedom removing chains of evil from the heavyhearted.  

In these times I cling to Psalm 47 and my LORD, for I know who is in control, raising up leaders and nations, tearing them down as well.  I am not downcast, in despair, or disturbed at the trials heaped upon us as a nation.  I am also not downcast, in despair or disturbed with my 'dad's' situation, standing in line at the welcome window to heaven.  

Today, I go to vote and spend a little more of the final times with my spiritual dad, Warren.  Both bathed in prayer, I can do little to change what God has ordained.  I am compelled to do my part in each, thankful for the freedom to do so.  I do not know what awaits us as a nation but pray for God's mercy for His remnant here, His children choosing to follow and listen.  As I listen, I vote and head up north, pleading for our nation and beseeching God's great comfort for my friend Warren, and His family as they watch him slip away into eternity.  'Dad's' earth suit has fulfilled it's earthly purpose; his mind sharp and intact.  He finds himself slipping into eternity fully cognizant and fully prepared.  He leaves a nation steeped in turmoil into a kingdom full of grace and peace, absent of suffering, and, for those of us blessed to have deep relationship with God, as my 'dad'?  We are heading there too.  

I share with you lyrics I will sing to my 'dad' as he lay in his hospital bed in preparation for entrance to his eternal rest.  I am not lost in despair, downcast or disturbed.  As I walk with my LORD, my God, the God of our nation, I am to endure the hardship and joys of sharing life together, looking forward, with great anticipation, the life beyond, with him.

And We Love to Glorify Your Name
Words and music by Bob Arii

One day I'll live in a place that I'm told
Where the streets are like gold.
Tears will be vanquished peace without anguish
Never more to be cold
Or ever grow old.

I have a place prepared for me
In heaven.

Hope can be found here as I look around near
the end of my rope.
You come beside me to comfort and guide me
Through Your life I find hope
And the courage to cope.

You fill my life with the peace and joy
Of heaven.

And I love to glorify Your name.
Jesus you came to walk the earth and bury my shame.
At the cross You suffered and died for me
So life would be made new.
And when I live to bring You glory
My heart finds life in You.

Glory and honor now rise to the Father
As we sing You our praise.
Hearts You've made holy for You and You solely
Hear the thanks that we raise for all of our days.

You are the reason we're part of the kingdom
Of heaven.

And we love to glorify Your name.
Jesus you came to walk the earth and bury our shame.
At the cross You suffered and died for us
So life would be made new.
And when we live to bring You glory
Our hearts find life in You.

One day we'll live in a place that we're told
Where the streets are like gold.
Tears will be vanquished, peace without anguish
Never more to be cold
Or ever grow old.

We have a place prepared for us
In heaven.

You have prepared a place for us
In heaven.

Living with Loss Loosely

I have an abundance of thankful thoughts as I think of my dad.  Not my 'dad' (the spiritual father I have been blogging about) but my real, biological dad.  My real dad is the dad I wrote about in my blog "A Very Happy Father's Day".  Blessed immensely with a wonderful, creative father, he has helped me look at my world with interest and unique perspectives.  Yes, dad, I know you read these blogs, and I hope you find today's filled with love and appreciation.

My dad has always had some unique 'views' of life and living.  He frequently posited 'interesting' questions that brought a lot of humor into our lives and even the lives of his grandchildren.  One question I fondly remember him asking me in my very young days and my boys watching dad play with them was, "Why don't we have an eye on the end of our forefinger?  Then we could see around corners!" Following that statement, he would stick his finger in my ear (and our son's ears) telling us that I didn't have an ear infection.  Another time he poked his finger through my door and waited...until I noticed saying "I see you."  I remember having a toy gun that shot orange ping-pong balls.  It was hinged with a mirror on top so you could stick in around a corner, see your target (most always my brother, but on rare occasions my mother) and shoot it...always reminding me of my dad's wishing he had an eyeball on the end of his finger.  Such great memories!

In my blog a few days ago, in my opening volley I wrote, "One of the hard parts of grief is that we are in it and 'the world just goes on'.  So what does the opening volley of this blog have to do with this?  Trust me.  Stick with me. 

My father, posing interesting questions, way outside the box formulated my questioning spirit.  Sure, eventually I thought, "It wouldn't make sense to have an eyeball on the end of my index finger.  I'd be smashing it into everything and it just wouldn't be practical...or would it?"  Well?  Driving on my way to leading the grief recovery group, I was thinking about "the world just goes on" thought, and off I went.....

What if, because of our great grief and loss, the world did stop for it?  What would that look like?  While standing in line at the grocery store, the person behind us (complete stranger) taps our shoulder and gives us a hug, without our prompting, and says they are so sorry for our loss.  The checker then also pauses and sincerely says, I heard about your loss the other day and was waiting to see you.  I have been praying for you.  You are shopping at Costco, everyone we pass acknowledging our grief and loss, in every aisle!  Indeed the whole world is now sad and noticing our loss.  The next day, we go to get gas and the station is closed, in fact all the stores are closed to honor our loved one and our loss.  Everywhere you go for weeks, even months, people, complete strangers all around us are saying they are sorry for our loss.

I think you know where I am going.  My dad imagining what it would be like to have an eye on the end of our forefinger is interesting and humorous, but not practical.  If we got what we think we wanted, the world to stop, acknowledging our grief, it would be absurd, very unhealthy and extremely uncomfortable. 

There are reasons for life 'going on' as we are bowled over in grief.  Death and dying, though many do not rush to think of it, and most dash away from it like the plague, is a part, daily of life.  We see it and hear it in the news...daily.  We don't think it will touch us, as if by it's regular appearance in the lives of others, never touching us, we are immune.  But if death has not slammed into your life, losing someone you dearly love?  It will.

If the world stopped for my grief, we'd all have to stop for everyone's, every day.  There would be little healing, nonexistent hope, lack of joy.  Leading a grief recovery group has changed my life.  A lot.  Every Thanksgiving celebration, every Christmas, every birthday now has a realistic tinge of hurt as I think about many gathering around the table one seat empty because of loss.  Be it a military family whose loved one gave all in service of us.  Be it the family whose loved one didn't make it to work or home because they perished in a car accident, or at the hands of a driver under the influence of alcohol or cell phone.  Be it the family who lost a daughter to a selfish act of violence, or just the process of aging as it is with my spiritual 'dad' Warren.  But I live with loss loosely.  The sting doesn't overcome my life with paralysis.  It deepens my joys, reminding me to drink deeply, the time I have with those I love today.  It causes me to remember and share now, while they are still living, the precious memories I have, adding abundant wealth to my life. 

So dad, I wanted to share with you and my blog world, my sincere appreciation for the gift of query you added to my life.  The stirring of a curious mind willing to venture into interesting places with interesting thoughts.  I want to also thank you for never putting the kibosh on my personal explorations and interests, always fueling them with purposeful and loving support; Both you and mom standing together, inspiring my heart.  There is an abundance of joys that await in every day.  Sure the wound of grief requires attention to bring healing, but the miracle of life is that with a bit of care, along with the intervention of God, the healing will come.  I can live with loss loosely because nothing will ever take away the fullness of living life lavishly, starting with you, dad and mom, raising and cultivating this heart, continuing on as the LORD develops it even deeper.  I am eternally grateful for your investment and the continual investment of my LORD for His glory.

Building a Community in Unity

One of the many things I do in service to the LORD, is leading a faith based grief recovery program called GriefShare.  I have a wonderful partner, Peggy, who co-leads with me having lost her husband over 20 years ago, her mom to suicide, a brother this last summer and a host of others close to her, and, she recently retired, so no, she isn't 'ancient'.  No coincidence, annually, we lead a stand alone, few hour, meeting called "Surviving the Holidays" the first Saturday in the month of November, yesterday being the day.  I say no coincidence, for many reasons.

1.  I find myself standing in approaching grief with the loss a dearly loved friend who has been a spiritual 'father' to my heart and soul.
2. I have been blogging about grief, my own and a bit of others.
3. God used the meeting yesterday, to bring complete strangers into my life, strangers who understood me and I they, not only because of our faith, but because they had recent significant losses in their world.
4. As I continually pray for and spend time with the lives of others who have attended our workshops, the two ladies who came yesterday added to my list, I find personal strength and healing.
5. I find these meetings encouraging and refreshing because even though 'I know the stuff', walking together as those who have lost loved ones is encouraging.
6. Our gathering finalized the need to start another piece of teaching and learning for the benefit of our community.

 The timing of the meeting, and the attendance of two ladies seeing the opportunity on the website (griefshare.org) met each of us, including Peggy and I,  where we are, with our experiences in sweet union of care.  No meeting is ever the same, having done this particular aspect of the program for four years.  I expect to see God show up. I pray diligently for Him to do so.  For the first time in our offering of this annual event, we had no confirmation of any attending, wondering what God was up to, and by the end of the meeting, it was absolutely clear.

God consistently demonstrates His plan for me...I am to spend a lot of time waiting while preparing for what is ahead.  Be it a change of church (only once in 38 years) or change of job and calling, everything happens slowly, MUCH slower than I want.  In each 'change' the time of waiting and  preparation is paved with beseeching prayer, interacting with Him and His word, the Bible.  I used to find myself asking, "Did I hear you right, LORD?"  "What are You waiting for?"  "Let's get this show on the road." Finally figuring out, after my last long stint, finding myself unemployed having never been so for so long (4 years), this IS His 'general' plan for this guy...to wait in and as preparation.

An example of such is found in what burst with new thrust yesterday.  For nearly two years now, I believe God was leading me to start a network group of those who lead and co-lead in grief recovery ministry.  Peggy and I have met many challenges along the way as leaders ourselves, thinking that surely others must be going through similar situation.  As I examined the GriefShare website, the number and frequency of groups has decreased.  I recently spoke with another pastor who had a thriving grief group with excellent leaders watch the program disappear from the ministry at the church he shepherds.  For some time now, with my teaching skills and heart for others, I felt surely we could all benefit from a gathering of those who lead grief recovery ministries.  And I believe the door was finally cracked open yesterday.

The only two attendees at yesterday's meeting were from another church in the area, one an attendee of that group who saw our listing for this one time meeting asking the co-leader attend, with the second being that leader.  Both having faced the loss of a child, among other losses, our meeting was filled with discussion and care, for one another.  It was a sweet time, reminiscent of each meeting Peggy and I have had privilege lead.  God always shows up.  He always speaks to our hearts.  He always offers healing and leading to those who choose receive from Him.  And this time, He seems confirming is the time to begin the road of gathering.

I find myself siting on yet another precipice, an additional call.  Using my gift of encouragement and teaching, He seems to be confirming now as the time to assemble care leaders in grief ministry; from any church, any denomination for the benefit of our community.  Rather than have many groups with only a few attendees of the grief stricken, what if we were to partner with other programs, sharing the ministry for the benefit of all?  What if we came together to discuss and learn from one another the leading of God through the storms?  What if we joined to share the amazing healing our time together with those God brought has brought us as leaders?  What if, instead of focusing on our denominational differences trying to attract people to our distinctly different church communities, we came together focusing on the rich commonalities of our faith focusing on letting Jesus, the leader of we all, bring His healing into our community, drawing us all in need to our churches standing in unity?

We, here in our small community of Santee might have greater impact should we all gather, with our Leader, as leaders of faith.  My prayers now focused with greater impetus and drive; my heart fixed on the immense calling of our God to reach those here; my gifts and talents once again finding themselves at the starting gate of another opportunity of faith; mixed deeply in the preparation of His work, His calling, His desire to use us, His people for the amazing work of building faith in the only One worth building faith on is challenging this heart to move forward again.  And yes, it will have it's high and lows, struggles and celebrations, but, I know that when God shows up, miracles happen.  I find my heart, and I believe God's saying, it is time; Time for building a community of faith, in unity.

Live Life Lavishly

One of the hard parts of grief is that we are in it and 'the world just goes on'.  Facebook friends keep posting the same 'stuff' they always did, ventures into public places (shopping, coffee shop, etc.) remain unaware that your world is a bit unraveled, or raucously rocked by turmoil of grief.  I have counseled many in the throes of grief; many stuck in grief; many wondering if life will go on; and for them, it has.  Those who remain stuck, make a choice to live in the hurt in such a way that friends and loved ones find themselves avoiding the one stuck.  But for many who choose dealing with grief, drinking it deeply, living without embarrassment when ambushed by it, having many friends who love the person enough to just sit with them (you don't have to say a word, especially words that don't help) they make a choice to move toward healing.

Dr. David Levy, neurosurgeon and champion of mental health and healing, has stated in one of his talks I attended, that stress changes how we deal with life.  We become more 'reactionary' rather than proactive in the process of living.  Ordinary things that had little effect on us become grating and painful, and if we stay here, bitterness results.  We find ourselves saying,

"Don't they know what I am going through?" or

"Why can't they be more understanding?  I am in the middle of the most troubling time of my life.  I lost my husband/wife, and best friend.  They just don't seem to care or understand."

Truth is, many of them don't know of your loss.  Another possible truth is that many who do know, and really care about you, don't know what to say or do.

We, in America, live in a time where the nuclear family is often broken or spread across the nation. The cohesive family unit, living together, sharing life and insight in all things life, often working together in family business, eating  around a common dinner table?  Gone.  We also live in a time where life and death are not seen as 'regular' parts of living.  We don't work the farm and see that the cow's life must be given to provide us food.  We don't have numerous animal assistants helping us with our daily tasks, being our friends with their loss and aging adding trauma to our work, and lives.  Indeed, our lives are relatively 'insulated' from the very process we are engaged, living and dying.

I find myself in the midst of grief as I watch my 'dad' (spiritually speaking) standing at the welcome window of heaven.  In my past several blogs, I have tried to share the real agony of grief and the real reason I have hope.  I hope to encourage those who read, to embrace the process of life...and death by choice, not by reaction.

Dr. Levy is right.  When I am under great stress, I do become reactionary.  However, I have found stress significantly reduced, or even eliminated when I understand and broach the fullness of my experience here, my purpose as I trek down this path.  Choosing to drink deeply of blessing, upheaval and everything in between, these footprints of faith desire nothing less.  I find myself encouraging you to join in the wealthy quest of living life lavishly.  Find the richness, the beauty, the honorable way of living with full integrity.  Learn from mistakes and change.  Speak regularly and frequently with those you love, deep in appreciation, reveling in the sweet times of life and living together.  Long for the gathering of loved ones making it a point to venture seeing them, especially those far away.  Live in such a way that you have no regret with their passing, or of yours.  I say it again;  Live life lavishly with those you love.  You will find life, peace and meaningful purpose if you do.

Every Fiber of Being

The air here weighed heavy in my lungs.  I often find this occurrence whenever I venture up to the Los Angeles area especially when it appears so thick you might consider cutting it with a knife.  It is only 3:55 pm but my eyelids feel as if anchors were tied to them and thrown overboard.  Such has been this day; heavy, tiring, but worth, so worth every minute, every penny of gas required to be here, and every sacrifice made to join my friend and 'dad' as he remains in line, at heaven's welcome window.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to sit with the family as the hospice doctor talked about what is to come and what their expectations are with dad.  It was, indeed, quite educational and informative, and hard. I am assured that these moments will also be kind preparation for the ministry I find myself called.  That these doctor choose to serve those at death's door, and their families whose loved ones are dying is a gift well appreciated by those they provide care.  Warren's hospice physician (a temporary replacement as the primary hospice doc is on vacation) did a wonderful job unfolding what is and what 'might' be to come, helping them understand and wrestle with the potential future choices in his care.

That my presence here has served my friends well, seemingly perfectly and appropriately timed is confirmation of my LORD's directive to come;  Small tasks like watering the numerous potted plants in front and back yard of mom and dad's home, and large ones like letting visiting family meet in the lounge of the skilled nursing facility providing me opportunity to visit with dad alone immediately after the doctor unfolded, alone with dad,  the details of his prognosis were a few of the many appointments God had planned.

As this moment unfolded, I was given freedom to tell Warren what his life meant to me and how much his character and walk with our LORD impacted my soul.  I also asked if I could pray with him.  His response? "Absolutely" with vigorous nod of his head.  I started strong and gentle and ended our time before the throne of God in tears; thankful tears for the life of His child, the impact God had given me from the strong man now physically struggling in frailty with strength.  God is beckoning dad home, my prayers celebrating his life, crumbling as I speak of his homegoing were all meaningful moments; And as all this unfolds, I will never forget dad's hand squeezing mine tighter and tighter as my heart ached more and more until the final 'amen'. 

This is the kind of 'stuff' most might not 'run to', with many feigning.  I share these 'moments' freely and candidly in hopes that readers might come to grips with understanding to follow suit.  This is the kind of difficult 'stuff' demonstrating deep love and care for those we love and care about.  I know my choosing to drink deeply the cup of life with my 'dad' has encouraged him immensely, gently assisting in the opening of the door toward heaven for him with celebration, full love and angst mixed in reality.  What was consistent with dad, is that as my grief 'slipped out' in our prayer time together he saw my real sadness at the thought of his earthly demise as a gift while showing me, once again, his strength and confidence in God.

Dad understood the loss, having lost many of his friends as they charged, side by side, in the heat of battle, fighting in Germany for our country.  He, now 94, having outlived many of his dear friends, understands the angst of not being able to sit in his living room chair, drinking deeply of life together again with his friends.  He fully recognized it apparent, his time to join them near, the struggle we face in his soon departure; and dad has assured us he is ready.

It is a stunning, holy beauty that has unfolded before our eyes as we look back on the day.  A gift to both Warren and us as each circumstance, moment and chunk of it unfolded before us.  It came to pass because we chose to be there with and for 'dad' trusting our LORD for His guidance throughout. 

I am confident and full of joy for dad, knowing where he is going, and that I will join him, someday.  Until that day, though, my heart will feel more empty because I will not be able to talk with him, sitting again with him, he in his chair in his living room. Because my heart is filled full with the real stuff of dad, which will lives in me I will move forward with pieces of his life forging mine.  Nothing can remove the fullness of his care, his humble heart infused in me and the precious memories of great living, together.  The fullness of peace, in my heart, is knowing that dad and I have revisited some of the pinnacles of his life touching mine, a he reaches the end of his earthly career, and I hope to have a few more of those moments before he slips away.

Honoring a life after they exit is only for us who remain.  Honoring a life all the way to the end is not only for us, but for them as well.  We are blessed with opportunity to do so with dad, given the time to assemble with weeks to unfold, the end approaching.  It isn't the case for everyone.  Some are snatched from us in absolute surprise.  The point here, is it time today, in every moment to honor the lives of those you love, making time, speaking and being with them.  Warren, my spiritual dad, fully realized this fact and chose to live a life determined to honor everyone who crossed his path, and it seems that God is allowing many of us opportunity to return that honor by showing up at his door to heaven, gently and lovingly pulling it open for him as he has for us, all his life.  I know that my charge is to join his charge, pointing the way toward heaven with every fiber of being God gives.

The footprints of faith lead us beside others as we walk this trail in the trial of life.  You who read, for this moment, pass my written 'footprints' as I share of my venture.  Sharing deeply, and pointedly, it is my way, along the path God has given me, to point toward heaven.  If you choose to understand and see the beauty of a life lived with God and for God, embark on your venture with Him, I believe our world would change dramatically.  Those who have transformed my understanding of living weren't the celebrity, the athlete, or politician.  My champions invested directly into hearts, speaking volumes of care and interest in the life God had before them.  My heroes regularly opened the door of heaven for their friends, pointing the way there, toward heaven my every fiber of being coming alongside dad's.