Thankful for the Leaves in My Life

Well, it's Christmas Eve day and I find myself raking up a plethora of golden leaves interspersed with a few ruddy, ruby red and occasional orange marbled limbless tree 'hands'. If this time of year is meant for reflection, this annual, twice weekly task forges much reflection as I could mindlessly rake, blow, sweep and scoop the seemingly endless collection into the green bin. Instead, I have learned to choose to enter into a 'work in God's garden' state, engaging Him in reflection. Each year, for the past 27, the number of leaves have grown exponentially as the three liquid amber trees grew from infancy to full grown behemoths.

I am reminded of young love as my then new bride missed the seasons of Michigan asking if we could plant some deciduous trees in the front yard of our new home; and, I obliged, stricken by her beauty and my desire as her young husband to bring her additional joy. Every year, in increasing increment, my angst would grow as the burden of gathering, for disposal, of the fall leaves increased. Yet for the many past years, the toil has been exchanged for joy, for these days, I would be considered a glass is half full kind of guy, though it hasn't always been so. Long story short, just ask my beloved. I have been transformed from a pessimist and oft angry man to one of far more grace and mercy, and this transformation is nothing short of miraculous!

Yes, now I gather the ever increasing armless 'hands' with great joy, my mental musings and reflections turn the increase of leaves into a reminder of the exponential increase in love for the partner God has blessed this life with. What started in ignorance and blind passion, has moved to great understanding and deep passion. What began with youthful expectations of love has blossomed to mature, rich and deep confirmations of love, and, I still trust that the increase will continue. For this love, this passion, my expectations, imperfect then, remain imperfect now, yet more perfect than the years previous. Such, reveals the glory and power of the transformation in a man, by God. You see, a chore (raking, blowing, sweeping and scooping leaves) has been transformed into a celebration. Yes, I am fortunate to have eyes to peer into such beautiful transformation because I choose to converse and reflect together with my Lord.

You see, God has transformed a bitter, frequently angry, pessimistic man, into one who now finds his half filled cup able to meet with disappointment, struggle, mourning and angst as a servant in His kingdom alongside others He brings my way. As I partner with Him, He takes my half filled cup, adds His power and presence flooding it to overflowing. I felt He might be calling me decades ago as one of His many ministers. Turns out He needed to use the past decades to do His work of preparation in this heart.

Thankfully I appreciate the lessons and conversations God has pressed in me as we have walked together through this life; Grateful for His provision of a life partner willing to pray and invest in me, as together we forged through the real struggles of life;  Amazed at the transforming power of God to change this heart from one of pessimism to one of hope; Rejoicing that through all of life's changes and challenges, Carrie has stood by me, as I her;  While I find myself standing on yet another precipice of vocational provision, I know I can trust Him and my beautiful bride always thankful for the leaves in my life.

Seeking Solitude and Silence

An interesting discovery overtook me tonight. I found myself wound up, feeling tense, frustrated and disturbed. Having just arrived home from a worship rehearsal (I am the sound man for our Christmas Eve service) I found myself just wanting quiet; you know absence of noise? This is something that I have come to really appreciate, being at home mostly by myself until these past 6 weeks.

Carrie, my wife, off work because of a physical ailment is now home most of the day and while she does things, leaves the t.v. on walking away from it often. Even though I am at home a lot, I rarely watch the tube, and yes, we have a wonderful 50 inch plasma and a tube HD television in the family room as well. So, in my frustration, I grabbed my copy of "Leadership" Magazine and headed to another room to find some solitude, or mostly a absence of "Property Virgins" or QVC.

While reading, the article was discussing the lack of engaging in inner conversation. And it hit me. Sure, I have my quiet time in the morning and my usual early morning routine. I, and the dog, have the place to myself for several hours before she arises, and it is time I cherish. I, however, have gotten used to the fact that she also used to leave for work, leaving me even more time to control my environment, and the tube is never on. Not so now and with her home and in need of care, I find myself doing so much more. Which is exactly what the article was talking about. Its major premise? That leaders become ineffective when they become entangled in the busyness of business and pastors get entangled with ministry sans solitude.

That's it! I am suffering from lack of extended time wrestling with God about the direction of my life. I thought it was the Christmas shopping and doing for my lovely wife> I thought that I was approaching the holiday overload that always seems to hit me about now. But alas, it is the solitude I seem to be missing. My time alone with myself and my God. It seems I have had plenty of conversations my wife, my friends, and others as I search for a new career. All good conversations, but not enough of the solitude I need. My lack of writing demonstrates my lack of wrestling with all that is in me; wrestling that is with all that is within me and with the God that is within me as well.

Something tells me that I am going to need the time of solitude and deep inner conversation with God by the time February rolls around (I'm working at a pastor's retreat focused on Learning, Leisure and Listening then).I need to find that place of solitude; that place of refreshment, that place unencumbered by the overwhelming 'noise' of the world. May have to grab a bunch tomorrow. Surely need it now. I find myself longing for and seeking solitude and silence. Hopefully, I will arrive soon.

The Peace of Salvation

Being ill, with a gastrointestinal virus, is never fun; However, it does allow a lot of thinking and praying time if one chooses to do so. My musings continue even when ill and in interesting ways brings comfort during such retching times (sorry if the metaphor is too literal).

Every year, we enter into a tizzy of comforting rituals as the year presses to it's end. Kicked off with a feast of thanksgiving and moving to the celebration of the birth of an amazing baby who transformed the world and how humans might view the way we live. Yet as the years pass, our eyes seem to dim, our hearts slowly loosing the passion that gushed into us the moment we understood the incredible way God chose to deal with our waywardness. Our focus shifts from the pondering to the doing, flooding our time with baking, shopping for that perfect gift, decorating our homes, inside and out, with lights, tree, trimmings, all the familiar parts of The Season.

Every year I find myself wrestling to receive some powerful revelation that seals the season for me. While finishing writing a Christmas song, and pondering it's words, I was struck by one line: "No room to be found as God entered His earth." A question arose in my heart. Why didn't God save one room, one place of comfort and 'home away from home' place for Mary, Joseph and Jesus? Though Jesus wasn't born in the dead of winter, He was born in late fall. Barns do not have heat, and a feeding trough for a baby's crib? A room was reserved for the flaming throws of the arrival of the Holy Spirit. A donkey was held in wait for the triumphal entry of Christ on Palm Sunday. Why wasn't there a single room held in wait for the birth of the King of King and Lord of Lords?

Prophesy meets with reality exposing the incredibly masterful way of a powerful God; one who will not use power and providence to seal our understanding of His majesty, but rather allow those who, with all the intelligence we can muster, find and see that He is who His is, the most holy, powerful, full of grace, almighty God. The life of Jesus Christ, is an amazing unveiling of power, forgiveness, the ugliness of sin, and our dire need for a savior. That such a God would 'reduce' Himself to the confines of His creation to fully demonstrate His character to the world, holds a deeply enlightening revelation for those who choose to peer deeply into the event and times of Jesus' presence on earth. No greater love can be exhibited by the Almighty, Glorious and Most Righteous Heavenly Father than this act of incredible humility and show of devastating power through simplicity. Can you see it? Can you understand the power? The majesty? The need to interact with such an amazing God?

The Peace of Salvation
November 18, 2010

In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man?
To be born in a stable a humble estate
In the hands of a baby, redemption awaits.

All the heavens would sing of this glorious way
A child fully King changed our lives Christmas day
As the world held its breath and a star shone its light
The peace of salvation lives on from this night.

As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand

There was hustle and bustle in the town of His birth
No rooms to be found as God entered His earth
But His mother and Joseph just walked and obeyed
In a manger, in a barn the holy babe laid.

Yes their hearts were alight never once filled with fright
But a chill filled the air on that most holy night.
As the glory of God would now conquer the grave
For the peace of His birth would redeem and now save.

As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand

It’s a magical season but not without pain
A suffering servant would soon walk in disdain.
As a man He was sinless and God’s glory would rise
Through the suffering angst filled with grace in His eyes.

He would meet with a harlot and sinners galore
And His passion would heal while His love would restore
Joy and hope to the hopeless with the lost to be found
Given peace that surpassed any peace then around.

As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand

Silent night, holy night.
Wisemen led by starry light.
Radiance beams from this Godly face
In this dawn of redeeming grace.
Blessed heavenly peace
Soon we’ll live in heavenly peace.

In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man.

Familiarity Can Factor Out Fervor and Fear

When God seems to answer our prayers in a positive manner (from our point of view) if we really stop to think about it, it is a very humbling experience. Why, would an all powerful, completely divine being entertain our requests and 'do' as we ask? He certainly is not required to respond to our bidding. When it came to healing, people would come to Jesus hoping to be restored to health as they approached Him, touched his garment, or got His attention. Yet, He didn't always give them what they thought they needed, at least at first. Many times His first response would be "Your sins are forgiven", or, as He stood by the prostitute, writing in the sand while watching her accusers walk away faced with their own issues of sin.

Many times we treat God as a heavenly "Santa Claus", asking for this or that in an almost flippant manner. Sure, we approach the throne of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, but how? Do we understand that we are approaching the heavenly of heavenlies, the throne room of the Almighty and Glorious God? Has familiarity factored out fervor and fear?

These days, I do make my requests known before my God, but I'm finding a different alignment; one of waiting and listening for His answer, leading and if He chooses, healing. Sure, I have seen Him perform outright miracles! I have also experienced the apparent 'lack' of miracle only to watch some of my dear friends and relatives check off the planet. Can I say that its all good? I didn't say 'its all easy', but I did say its all good. How do I know? Because I can trust in the most holy and righteous God. You see, its people who make wrong choices, never God. Its our expectations that can be misinformed or misdirected, But God cannot be such.

Yes, I ask God for miracles, and yes, He has provided legion in positive directions. I will continue to ask and wait, ask and wait. And, if His answer is 'no', I'll continue to ask and wait, for only He knows what is best for all. Only He can do the work of redemption, and only He can perform miracles, as our hearts align with His. May we never grow so familiar that we factor out fervor and fear before the most Holy God.

Transformative Transformation

There are priorities in life. We are either overtaken by the binding, consuming, worldly ones, or discover the freeing, life giving ones transforming our lives and the world with hope and power. We are bound to priorities, a set of things or events that will govern our days. There are those we hold with joy, and others seemingly consume us with angst, weighing like an eighty pound backpack upon our shoulders. It is not always that the backpack should not be carried, but it is the understanding of the journey and the carrying of only necessary tools that transforms the way in which we carry our loads.

Grown to love backpacking, I cannot say that I have always enjoyed it, especially in the early days. My first backpacking trip was excruciating as I just joined a Boy Scout troop not instructed how to go about a two day, thirty mile excursion, but allowed to go. My dad and I purchased a large canvas backpack, new work boots and then I packed everything on the list from the Scout handbook, my stuff, like my flashlight, was twin D-cell powered, took my entire mess kit, and my sleeping bag weighed fifteen pounds along with many much unneeded articles. There were many other faux pas making my backpack far to heavy for a little 11 year old Japanese boy to carry thirty miles. On the trip, my leaders and cohorts, realizing my dilemma the second day, spread parts of my silly load amongst them so that I would finish the trip, my aching feet blistering in my new and incorrectly purchased unbroken in 'hiking' boots.

I don't know why that experience didn't ruin backpacking forever, but I did quickly change Boy Scout troops, taking my new found knowledge to a fledgling group of boys that wanted to learn how to backpack. Subsequent trips were mildly better, but I was driven by a new priority, to take all the 'essentials' (which I found were far fewer than everything on the packing list in the Boy Scout handbook) as well as figure out ways to make or purchase far lighter accoutrements. It became a priority in my backpacking life with the challenge to make the trip the most comfortable at the expense of one thing or another that was far less required. Never was safety or potential emergency survival equipment sacrificed, but the essentials were greatly reduced in mass. For instance, I would work my toothbrush handled to it's minimum length for effective use and weight, and eventually would abandon it all together, realizing I could whittle toothpicks that when used correctly would clean my teeth just fine for the weekend.

For most 'newbies', the thirty mile, two day backpacking trip was a terrible experience, even when taught well, and for some, the challenge ended their scouting experience, at least in our troop. Though we spent many meetings preparing them ahead of time, showing them what we learned from our mistakes along the way, they would determine that they were not cut out to be a part of a primarily backpacking troop. For us, we knew the journey was coming, we prepared for it, and even found new ways to make it more enjoyable, and as we matured, added new challenges (besides trying to get the new boys to endure and discover the wonders of long backpack trips) like cooking contests (who could bring the most exotic food etc.). My first win was having steak on the second day (and yes I kept it frozen and then cold until I cooked it for dinner day two) and eventually used my secret method to make lobster on day two.

My love for backpacking would press me to week long excursions in the south sierras, escaping humanity (with the exception of my hiking buddy Curt) and all the 'comforts' of home. What I have come to discover through the years was how to survive, in relative comfort, the things nature would throw at us. Both failures, proper preparation (bringing the correct essentials for each trip), and preparation were key to making the trip memorably enjoyable.


I share these memories because they have so much in common with life and living. Whether we choose to live life as adventure or not, the journey will come and there are many ways to get through it, and rise to it's challenges. Some of us enjoy making life as adventurous as possible, others try to avoid adventure trying to escape it's bumps, with the entirety of humanity stretched in between the two. My living fits closer to the choosing of adventure yet I am not as adventurous as some thrill seekers I know. Yet, one thing is sure, we will all face moments of calm in our lives spanning bridges all the way to moments of terror. So how do we forge through all that life will throw at us?

Some of life's challenges can be prepared for, like facing a time of unemployment, even if such never befalls us, or getting to and through 'retirement', or more realistically, helping your kids tackle homework or cooking dinner. The truth is, life, living and even the mundane tasks can overwhelm us, their pressing like throwing us into a cavern filled with...lions. Or, the cuts of incredibly difficult situations ravaging our bodies and then throwing us into shark infested waters!

Some of us have experienced all of these and more, and yet, I have been amazed as I watched some of my friends, my God fearing, God believing friends endure such angst and challenge with a far different attitude than others, and, I have discovered for myself, how this occurs.

From where does such freeing, life giving priorities, hope and power come? It is disclosed to those who discover the heart, nature and desire of our designer and Creator, God, and His priorities for our lives. I can honestly state that this is not a cop out, not a ploy, not a false hope. I have been to the door of death, and struggled through many of the same challenges all of us have endured. I am confident that if you ask my believing and non-believing friends who knew of my plights and struggles, they would speak of a calm that seemed to rise from my life, and I will state, that this calm did not come in and of myself, nor was it a conjuring of my own positive attitude. When your doctor tells you that they are looking for a heart to transplant into you, and that your blood type will make it a challenge, no amount of positive thinking will make that one occur.

So now, some twelve years later and after a miraculous recovery, I believe I can sit here and speak of challenge in the journey, and who has brought meaning, healing and direction in and through my life's struggles. Sure, my gracious and precious wife has been part of His definitive provision in my life, but even she, at the grace of His almighty blessing.

So there is a choice we have been given; to ignore the gentle callings of The One who can help it all make sense, or graciously embrace the development of a relationship that promises to bring transformative transformation into your life extensively infusing a luminous perspective to our being. It is a journey of refining our load with some planning and some mistakes along the way, but always one that promises to have powerful impact to those who take the journey seriously and invest in listening and learning from the one who is trying to get our attention in and through it, the most holy God.

A Simple and Unastounding Man

Is there a difference between one who is seriously dedicated to knowing God and one who isn't? Absolutely. The 'seriously dedicated' part needs some definition, because many claim to be followers of Jesus, but are they really? The Bible speaks of the road to heaven as a narrow one, and even speaks of many who arrive at the door of heaven speaking of all they did for the glory of God, with Jesus' response? "I never knew you" (Matthew 7:15-23). The key to this passage, isn't what we know about, or 'did' for Jesus, but if He knows us. While some might say, He is God, doesn't He know all? Of course. But knowing about and fully knowing someone are two different things. Fully knowing, requires our response and affects our purpose in life. The idea of knowing here, refers to a relationship.

Over the years, the more I "know" about my wife, the more I have found my purpose (response), and living is driven by her life, her desires, her dreams (affects). All this, requires a relationship, not just a casual one, but one of searching and learning, understanding and exploring the details of what forms her heart and drives her through her days. In fact, there is little that brings me more earthly joy than seeing her laugh, struggle, and live in my presence, as I sacrifice my own desires to complete hers. This kind of knowing requires time, a sincere investment in understanding her complexities, seeing her as a partner in the adventurous sailing we embark, not an anchor. While God 'knows us', His desires is that we serve as His partner in the living, not doing what we want (an anchor), but in response to Him (the adventure).

I am always amazed at how a supreme God demonstrates His power and supremacy through acts of incredible humility. Why would God, subject Himself to abuse and ridicule of His creation? Why would God take on the nature, character, becoming bound by time and space, to walk the earth and serve His creation? Why does the all powerful God allow His creation to 'walk away' from the joy and restoration of His love? Because His humility is also bound by justice and righteousness.

As a man, a simple and unastounding one at that, I continue to ponder the significance God has charged me with, into the lives of others. I wrestle with what makes a life one that will become and exist as one known by Jesus, in such a way that there are no surprises for me, when I arrive at the gate of heaven. I have filled my life with 'doing', and maybe the doing that will be unrecognizable by my Lord. But I want, seriously desire, all this to change. My desire is to be seriously dedicated to Jesus, in such a way that my life accomplishes 'even greater things' than He was able to accomplish as He walked the earth (Jesus' prayer for us in John 17)...however, the only way that these things can happen, is if we all, together, ask and let Him empower our daily lives in such a way that His glory is evident; not our glory, not our fame, not our deeds, His.

Can it be that my life continues, unastounding, while His life, His leading, overtakes those who encounter Jesus, through me in such a way that Jesus Himself knows me? This is my desire.

Wishing Wisdom

Have you ever noticed that wishing for something is not enough to actually attain that which is wished for? Sure, it seems to work for kids, especially at Christmas. But is that really how the real world works? The sad part of growing up is that as we do, it becomes increasingly apparent that wishing for something is not enough. We have been sold a lie. The great deception remains for those who choose to hold dearly to dreams and wishes alone, as if we wish and dream harder, the achievement, or attainment of that we wish for, appears, like magic, before us.

Often it is stated that America is 'the land of opportunity', and yes, indeed, it is. But as our nation ages, the 'opportunity' seems elusive something one can only wish for. The truth is, America remains 'the land of opportunity!' There is the opportunity to take a life, or create a life. There is an opportunity to make a difference or be indifferent. There is an opportunity to diligently work toward wealth or expect others to provide it for you through the government.

You see, the word opportunity simply means a situation or condition favorable for attainment of a goal. And it seems as if, our goals as individuals in our nation have changed. We have bought the lie that opportunity will be provided for us, not a result of diligence, integrity, and discipline. If we stand here today only wishing wisdom would wash over us, waiting for it to fall in our laps, our heads or at our feet, fill our pocket books, it will never arrive. It is not enough to wish for wisdom, steps must be taken, dramatically taken in order for wisdom to arrive.

What steps? Well, first of all, there are no shortcuts. It will require discipline and diligence from each of us to search for truth, find honorable inspiration, press to integrity, and diligently discern. Here wisdom is born. Is it too late to start? NEVER! But it is time. Time for all of us to press on toward wisdom...real, honest, virtuous, well placed wisdom. It won't happen by wishing for it. Wishing wisdom never comes. But are you tired of not having her? I live for her. Wisdom is my pursuit of passion, and I believe, honestly believe it is found only as I pursue God.

Which Wing?

So often I hear it, I read it, and wrestle with it. Faith without works is dead. Then the discussion ensues, or my mind glosses over it. Duh, got it, try and live it. We had such discussion in one of the Bible Studies I attended her in Michigan. And then it hit me like a ton of blocks (yes, I have moved and installed more than a ton of blocks as I work on my mother-in-law's home here).

Jas 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

I have had the wrong focus on this verse all along!! You see, all of this is done by God living in and through me. I cannot 'faith' and while I can do works, good and evil, it is only the good works, accomplished by God through me, that brings life to me and others. This verse is demands our surrender, full surrender, to the leading of Christ in and through us. No faith and the best action is of little use and dead. Active faith and no action is also dead.  All the 'good things' I do for others is dead,  unless in the eternal kingdom unless God Himself directs me to do and live. Eternal life, eternal faith, eternal works are of and by only God. He is the one to breathe life into us, into our doings, into the hearts of others.

A good friend of mine (Ken Ture) and great Biblical scholar once said that Christians often argue the point of faith and works trying to interpret what is 'useful' for the believer. His explanation makes good sense...'Arguing about which is more important (faith or deeds) is like asking the question "Which wing on an airplane is more important than the other?"' Can an airplane fly with only one wing? Uh, no.

So faith and deeds are equally essential for the believer to fly in the kingdom of God. The question is not which wing is essential for flight.  To argue this point is absurd! The question should be, is God alive, doing in faith and deeds through us each day? He gives us the faith. He asks of us to do, and do as He leads. It is then when our lives will have a huge impact for Christ, with Christ and in His kingdom. We should want Him to be the pilot, while flying as His copilot toward eternity.  We must be willing to land the plane gathering more and more passengers to take with us on the trip toward heaven.

In whom does your faith rest?   What are you compelled to do in response?  Are your accomplished works of eternal value?  Can we participate in making a difference lasting longer than today? 

Unknowns, Unpredictabilities, and Uncomfortabilities

Walking without my partner has been difficult, and I am glad it will probably be only a temporary state. She flies into Detroit in a week and a half, and I find myself counting the days and hours. God has been kind to me, allowing the work for my mother-in-law to progress with little stress thus far in the seeming answer to prayers of my dear friends, and my wonderful bride. We'll see how it continues as I await the delivery of the rest of the materials for the retaining walls.

The walk of faith is just just that, a walk of faith! Each day has it's unknowns, unpredictabilities, and uncomfortabilities. All the while, The One who knows need not predict or find Himself uncomfortable because He is...GOD! It isn't that He hasn't been uncomfortable, He sacrificed His comfort for our redemption as the only god ever doing such, demonstrating to us that He alone is GOD!

There is great comfort in the walk of faith, knowing that He knows, and that the unknown, unpredictable and uncomfort (okay, discomfort) is only new to me and a surprise to me. There is great comfort in knowing that God is God and learning to trust His heart, His leading, His care for each of us, His children! As long as He continues to give me breath and life, my job is only to walk in faith and obedience to His call, His leading, doing His work, for His glory!

There is little else for me to do, for I cannot save myself, or become righteous unless Jesus works it within me. Nothing I can do, nothing I need do but place my life, each day, each moment in His hands. Life is a gift of His grace, His power. If we truly get this, then complete transformation is on its way within us. He will give us answers to the unknown, strength and wisdom to go through the unpredictable, and the strength to endure the discomfort of life; the walk of faith. It is our walk of faith, but He knows it all, all the way to it's end and to our eternal future. May He lead each of us to deeper trust and life with Him!

Seasons of Abundance and Absence II

Anticipation of a sweet reunion does much for a separated heart. Approaching the finale of week two, my heart grows fonder with each moment and hour my beloved and I are apart. Two thirds of our time apart is coming to an end and today I have put together the plans for the day of our reunion with some of the things she loves, (shopping at a HUGE Christmas store, and dinner at a great restaurant in Frankenmuth) along with a new adventure, staying a nice hotel with a river view.

Yes, even some 30 years later, I am still 'dating' my wife, the beloved partner of all I am and have become with her by my side. This time of absence has done much in appreciation for both of us, in the value and understanding of how much we do to 'help' each other. Already overwhelmed with work, Carrie has told me numerous times that she just didn't realize how much I helped her around the house as now she has to 'do it all'. And for me, as I find myself 'doing it all' for my mother-in-law, I have come to appreciate her presence whenever we have ventured up here to Rogers City to visit her mom. It is so much easier to share the task of M.O.'s (Marion Owens as the people lovingly call her) care when my beloved and I are together.

What has been special is the increasing bond and loving relationship that has developed between my mother-in-law and I, through our time together. What also has been confirmed in my heart is the depth of my calling and the 'nature' God has forged within me as "His Caregiver". God has wired me as an encourager with His gentle spirit and leading. He has given me the gift of caring, nurturing and sincerity as only Christ can give a 'man'. I find myself taking life on fully, embracing and moved by it all. This rich experience, this disciplined time has proven the character qualities God has built within me, and it is for His glory alone, nothing of which I can boast or take personal pride or credit.

Even in absence I have discovered great abundance. Yes, there is pain, real pain. Yes there is joy, real joy. I have come to understand that if every day were a joyful feast, filled with every imaginable delicacy, I would soon grow to a state of non-appreciation for such daily richness. Just as 'religious' practices can become mundane and empty before Him so a fully abundant life would become sadly bane. The ups and downs of life are part of His grand design to keep us before Him, if our hearts remain responsive to what He is trying to forge within us. It is good to drink deeply our pain, for out of the deliverance rises a true and grateful heart for the rich abundance He brings out of the absence (pain).

Are you getting this? Do you choose to embrace only the blessings without the embracing of the struggle? This season of absence, has also been filled with abundance as I build stronger relationships with my mother-in-law and those here in the 'city' where I temporarily live. But then again, this life is temporary too, for I am here looking forward to the abundance of heaven and absence from this place. No more sorrow, and to be fully present with Jesus? I am so there!

Seasons of Abundance and Absence

Every life is a complex meandering like the ebb and flow of water on a river delta through seasons of abundance and absence of rain. Many tributaries add to the character and abundance of our river of life. We continue to collect the grace filled contributions of other streams and creeks, until our river rages with power and beauty not of ourselves, but of all who poured into us. Each unique river empties, it's waters gathered and flowing great distances, to the sea.

What is more glorious and evident of tremendous power and beauty is when we let the Living Water join our river. When God opens the floodgates of heaven, man can only stand back in awe of the thunderous workings He alone can accomplish through each wayward river. And yet there is both ebb and flow; times of abundance and times of absence. Times of waiting and times of working. Times of awe and times of angst. Times to build and times to destroy...okay, so now I'm sounding like Ecclesiastes.

What I have discovered in this time of absence (at least in the employment area) is that the power of our Lord is clearly of greater visibility as my river has become but a trickle. The floodgates of heaven open and wow, immediately and overwhelmingly His power, His abundance rushes through my life in such a way that others watch in amazement, not at my trickle, but at what looks like a dam burst! It is here, where my river was once a creek, I stand. I can feel His power overwhelm my whining, my cries for help, and my 'drying up'. I can't help myself, but He will help me! I can't help but see His glory rising up all around me, my river rising up to worship the God who has given this river His life, His wisdom, His power.

It is in this apparent season of absence that He has poured into me His abundance. My river flows with all the tributaries He sends my way gradually adding to my flow, but then He cracks open the floodgates and I am overwhelmed!! Paul was right, we can be overwhelmed with God's glory and grace in seasons of abundance and absence. May we, each river, be added to daily by the tributaries of the friends He sends our way, and most importantly, by the daily filling of His word and His leading. In this season of absence I am overwhelmed with His abundance!

Falling Fall Foliage

Breathtaking. Simply breathtaking!

My friend at church, Gary, waxed nostalgic as I told him I was heading to Michigan for the month of October. His eyes alight like a kid at Christmas, his change in posture was all I needed to know that it is his favorite time of year and the memories of being here warmed his heart like a fire glowing in the season. And now I fully understand why.

My first time in such a place, I too feel like a kid at Christmas, gasping at the rustling, rusting foliage falling like golden snow at my feet. Standing in the gentle breeze at the forest floor, the wind at the treetops whip through, plucking the ripe leaves ready to flutter to the forest floor. It is as if the leaves are preparing the way for flakes of snow to soon sink similarly from the heavens as well.

For my evolution friends, I desire to posit a question. Of what evolutionary value does such a change serve? What would cause some tree's leaves to only yellow, or run the gamut from red to orange to yellow to brown? Why would trees develop such a strategy? Is this transition just a chance of random chemistry? Is it some quirk of nature just for 'fun'? Or could it be that The Designer wanted to point toward His own majesty and creativity?

So often I hear preaching (like yesterday) and others speak of the visible world versus the 'invisible' spiritual world. I say nay. The visible world boldly speaks to and demonstrates the reality of the spiritual reality! I do not have to press hard to see and know such realities, and the longer and deeper I look, the more apparent the cacophony of the visible and true the eternal kingdom appear. With all its wonder and awe, the visual world is a pale and pointed perception of what awaits those of us who choose to look deeply and discover the fingerprints of the Almighty Creator as we leave footprints along this path of life!

My footprints wander through the forest of fall, surrounded by the golden carpet of fallen fall foliage. My heart melts in worship to my God who designed and crafted every detail in every leaf, in every tree, in every breath of wind. My life a wisp, this snapshot of eternity and the awaiting glory warm my heart reminiscent of standing before my bride some 28 years ago. Surely her beauty, I thought was at it's pinnacle, only to discover it was only a hint of the amazing beauty that would unfold as the years progressed. As I press toward my eternal home, looking back on all that has filled my heart to overflowing, all the glorious beauty forged as I walk toward this eternal kingdom, I sit in wondrous expectation for what remains here, and what will be there.

It would be easy to be enamored with the beauty of the falling fall foliage, stopping there, and feeling satisfied. Don't stop here however, open your eyes to see the glory of The One who designed it all!!!

Discovering the Ills that Infect Us

Yesterday in church, God stopped me on my journey. My pastor, speaking from the pulpit about confession spoke the words that were an arrow to my heart, nailing an ailment that purveys our hearts in plain view. It is the purveyor of hurt, angst and illness that has struck us with a disease that we do not fully recognize. It reminds me of times, when I was sick, and if it weren't for my friends and wife pointing it out, I would not have sought doctors to help me with my ailment.

Surely you have been there before? One such illness I had was a time when I was frequently coughing. I did not notice it but then friends and relatives mentioned it to me. I coughed often and frequently but it had become such a part of my life that I paid no attention to it. After friends commented to my wife and I about my coughing, my wonderful wife started pointing out many time I coughed. I was surprised! I started blaming her, and other things for my 'tick', trying to ignore it and use self found remedies, like cough drops to fix myself. Finally, after little success, going to the doctor, he diagnosed me with small airway disease or the beginnings of asthma. Treatments began, my health fully returned and even when I got other illnesses, they didn't end up in my lungs with pneumonia as had always been the case. I didn't realize I was sick and my compromised state affected me constantly causing additional problems when other illnesses attacked me!

Jesus stopped me and got my attention when my pastor, while preaching on confession, stated that when we receive criticism, we immediately place part or most of the blame on someone else or something else. The full purpose? To lighten our burden and potentially even cast it away, so we do not even deal with the part that is fully ours! We excuse ourselves, instantly reducing our load of guilt by attaching as many others as we can to 'share in it'. No one, including myself, wants to accept blame, full blame for the part they 'own' anymore. We all seek and finds places other than ourselves to place the 'blame' removing any part of our need for change, confession and seeking of forgiveness. This process has driven our legal system to absurdity and is in fact responsible for taking an abundance of our money from our pockets.

Ouch.

I wish I could say that I have arrived, fully understand and do as I should, and occasionally, I do. I have been accused of many wrongs in my life, haven't we all? As I have shared these accusations and my responses with my closest of friends each have risen up to bolster me, trying to help me by sharing why the accusation is surely false, because they know my character. How often they are surprised, and sometimes even angered that when counseled to defend myself, I often do not. Instead, I examine the accusation asking myself the question: "What part of this do I own?". Sure it hurts!!! It can often be like going to the dentist to fill a cavity without anesthesia! Did I make the point? But, what I can say is that when I wrestle with the heart of the issue, own up to my part, seek forgiveness for that which has not been purified in my character, and especially do not retaliate in anger or defense, abundant and powerful healing has occurred! Jesus Himself comes and pours salve in my wound, cares for it and miraculously heals it, transforming my heart into one of compassion and understanding as I examine all the reasons why I should apologize and seek restoration from the accuser.

It is here where even the accuser is surprised when I share with them what parts are true and why. Rather than focus on the parts that don't fit and excuse me from the accusation, they are stunned at the way it had affected me towards humility, and my desire to empty myself of pride. I have discovered that the harder I push against the accusation, the more guilty I really am!

As I sit here unemployed, there are many things I could choose to focus on as to why I don't deserve to be 'in this place'. I can place the blame on an insensitive boss, or the fact that they never fully understood how much of my life I poured into my job as I worked for them. I can blame the poor economy affecting the finances of schools, or a myriad of justifiable events surrounding my circumstances. In short, I can go through these days defending myself and justifying why I am living in an 'unfair, unreasonable' state. But thinking of these things will not 'fix' anything or get me re-employed.

However, if in honest humility I sit here, take full stock of my character and the development God wants to press into me, I then am free to take the next step after I come to terms with what I own and what He wants to transform in me. I need your help to keep me accountable to this task, and we need each other to all walk in this state of discovering the ills that infect us. However, it is not enough to discover them, even with the help of others. We must choose to recognize them fully as they are exposed, wrestle with them until we have come to some understanding of the need of transformation, place it in the hands of our Lord, seek forgiveness from those who we have wronged, and as we do, find the healing that will help us move with a freeing power and conviction that will pour grace, God's grace into the lives of those we spend our time. If we all choose to accept our contribution to the problems around us, deal with them and seek forgiveness, we wouldn't all be 'ill'.

Heading To The Other Side of The Bridge

There is one word when wielded decisively divides humanity into two distinct groups with a chasm between. On each side of the chasm, two dramatically distinct experiences ultimately lay. No one will escape The Bridge leading to a never ending destiny, fixed and unchangeable for the remaining duration. All will argue 'the fact' with the danger hinging on our interpretation or rather misinterpretation of The Fact. 

If we place ourselves and flawed, prideful human logic as the gateway to The Fact we might even think we this life as the only side of the chasm, sadly to discover that as we arrive at the bridge, our perception wrong all along. It is not up to you or I to determine if this life is the only side of the bridge, yet we do have a choice in the matter. This choice is not found in our determination, but rather our submission. This option is not one of personal fortitude or pride, but one of humility and angst in the face of our limitations to experience The Truth.  This option will move us from focus on shortcomings toward a new way of life, living in power and glory, fully cognizant that it emanates not from us, but through us from The One who holds The Truth. 

The determination to be humble has it's dangers as well, for humility is apparent and expected on both sides of the abyss, one form genuine and integrated humility, the other falsely hiding the deep motive, appearing as humility, instead serving and standing as protector of our own pride. Even now as you read this, you are attaching yourself to one side or the other of the abyssal expanse as you press ahead toward your demise and for all of us, our demise is coming.  Daily we press closer and closer, towards The Bridge on one side of the path or the other.

All of us will cross The Bridge, none able to return and convey and expose The Truth of what lie ahead.   Even if able to return, would others believe our confession? It would be like someone experiencing and living in a world with five dimensions.  Their attempts to get us to experience their 'reality' of added dimension unattainable by our 4D limitations.  But what if some of that 5D world actually connected to our 4D world?  What if hints and glimpses became evident as we explored our 4D world while searching for truth?  What if The One who designed and enabled The Bridge revealed The Truth to those who seek it?   Truthfully, if we don't believe and commit to the existing evidence here, why would we believe a return voyager from the other side of death and the other side of The Bridge? It would be no more factual than our experience here, for experience drives our decision and how we choose to live.

I have come to believe that only the genuinely curious ones seeking absolute truth will even consider listening to my arguments of faith and life. I also have come to an understanding that I, in these writings do not hold the keys to enlightenment or destination alteration. Yet I have been given eyes to see and discover the direction toward the discovery of Truth, acceptable character, integrity and identity that is beyond my self-centered desire.   I am being led, fully trusting that I live as one not bound to this side of the chasm but will be allowed passage across the bridge to the other side.  And, I cannot take any credit for where I stand as I press ahead toward The Bridge.

The only credit I can take is my determination to fully uncover The Truth, a fact finding expedition with a completely open and resolute mind to know, as best I can, the eternal destination that clearly awaits us. This destination either exists or is a figment of our imaginations as a place beautiful and resplendent, beyond anything we can imagine with the other horrible and evil, beyond anything we can imagine.

If we choose to live in ignorance and self imposed, self determined truth, we will find ourselves focusing on the wrong side of the abyssal trench, this life alone.   It is not the determination of living that determines our destination, it is our determination to find Truth, absolute Truth about The Destination. There is only One Word and only One Way to seal our forever existence in the peace and beauty of The Truth.

God.

It is not our way, it is His. It is not our determination, it is His. It is not found in our goodness, but in His. We cannot provide sufficient goodness to deserve passage across the chasm, only He can. We cannot hold the complete understanding and ways of Him, for only He is immense and fully righteous beyond anything we could ever imagine in our current state of existence. Only He holds the keys to truth and way of living that assures us we living as ones, living more as those on the other side of The Bridge. We each will determine, by choice, prideful human logic, or humble human submission before God, if we believe there is more than life here, and if The Truth points to a life beyond.

Indeed One Word, God, One Way, Jesus Christ, stand at the end of bridge.  We each hold the choice of our forever fate, He ultimately allowing or denying our passage. We have, by our living, already made the choice.  As long as we live here, our hearts can remain focused and determined by our interpretation of life here only, or our hearts catching glimpses of this true reality, this life being our only opportunity to demonstrate our faith in the clues He has given.  We can choose response at the mercy of His Offering of grace, Christ, or at His wrath. The choice is ours. Not religion, not man's conjuration or conjecture of who He is and what He requires, but the reality and response to His Leading, His Calling.  Each of us instead placing ourselves in His Mercy, and in the quest for absolute Truth; our futures determined fully in whom we trust; God or The World; This life alone, or this life as a part of the quest toward the next.

It is not up to us to judge which side of the path you are on.  The bridge we all are heading for is inescapable.  There is no time to waste, no time to grow lax, no time to stop our pursuit of The Truth, lest we be derailed and end up in the chasm, crossing the bridge thinking we will arrive at it's destination, only being throw off it to an eternal, forever separation. Call us fools if you'd like, but once we leave here and start to cross the bridge, there is no return, no alternate path, no longer a chance to change our belief, our path. On the other side of the bridge?  A place of peace.  A place of absolute truth.  A place where the glimpses of what we saw here in 4 dimensions are blown into infinite dimensions, not just 5.

Our experience, our glimpses point toward this place of peace, carrying us there bit by bit, unfolding as we wrestle to find The Truth.  How is your examination and search working for you?  We all will find ourselves out of excuses once we leave here and start across The Bridge.  We are not asking you to do exactly as you see us do, with the singular exception being that of seeking The Truth while moving toward The Bridge as one who is living as a truth bearer more and more.  You will recognize it when you see something in our lives aligning with that which is on the other side of The Bridge we all approach.

Ask Him to show you The Way.  Ask Him to show you The Truth.  Ask Him to show you The Life.  We know, you will discover the well placed evidence of the infinite dimensions of God; choosing to live not as one bound to this side of The Bridge, but the other. How will you know if you are seeing the real Jesus or a counterfeit?  Ask Him to reveal The Truth.  I promise, the real Jesus will point to the other side of The Bridge not here.  He will reveal The Way, The Truth and The Life.  Trust us, it looks nothing like only what we experience here but rather something sweeter, something deeper, something astoundingly richer and more glorious.  Something more like what awaits us on the other side of The Bridge.

Systematic Systemics

Our lives align with our beliefs as a testimony of our character, and, while our character may be publicly exposed, it is in our privacy where it lays bare. Who you and I are, stand in replete testimony when 'we think' no one is looking. The integrity of being, is best understood by those who see us in all situations, especially in our perceived solitude. No one on earth knows me better than my parents, who raised me, and now, my wife, who lives and experiences most of who I am and have grown to become. My strengths, my weaknesses, my battles, my joys are established in the doings and living experiences forged within me. These are all shaped by those I have shared 'life' with, either by being together or vicariously through multiple media 'investments'.

Experiences and beliefs are shaped by systematic examinations in life, becoming systemic characters of our integrated selves. The complete truth is, that whether we believe it or not, how we spend our time shapes our systemic beliefs and realities. Over indulging in entertainment, binds us deeply to the surrealistic worlds spun by imaginations, detaching us from the honesty and pain of our daily world experience vying for our hearts and souls. It feels better to revel in a surrealistic dream, than within the toil and struggle of life, yet the more we engage in the surreal, the more disappointment and discouragement delves into our days.

Drinking deeply of life, in life and through life seems too caustic and like the poison which slowly kills, yet, it is the other, the escape from life that is truly the poison which leisurely takes our life from us. These poisons which dull the senses or carry us away from reality, these venoms that we allow into our veins only postpone the inevitable, our need, true need to confront life and find the answers to the consequences of disobedience and self-service. Systematically we allow one form or the other of escape or life to infuse our veins allowing a systemic conundrum press us hard for solutions.

We should choose to face such quandaries with the sharpest of our senses, fully piqued, effusively effervescent with engagement of the only one who can help us find the answers to our dilemmas. How often we tend to run away rather than run towards our only hope, our only way to peace.

Life requires, no, demands proactive, systematic endeavors which color and polish our systemic view of our days. Without a systematic search, should we choose to remain unprepared for the struggle, we will be reduced to only retreat and hide. Yes there are a plethora of people much more intelligent and Holy Spirit led than I. But in this, my journey, it is only my responsibility to wrestle in a manner that allows God to reveal Himself to me with greater abundance each day. Even most cancers start in one place and slowly consume healthy cells until the life of the organism is snuffed out. We all are systemically infected with a cancerous life. Systematically and systemically, I am pressing hard to restore health to this body allowing God to perform His miracle of perfect, systemic healing.

Learn to Lean, Learn to Listen

Difficult it is for us men to hear of struggle and issues of trouble and not try to solve or rescue the troubled one. We are wired as 'fixers', constructors of answers or finders of solutions, at least I often find myself as such. So, when the earthly love of my life is in a valley, this time at work, wrestling with genuine angst and a bit of fear, my heart is desperately desiring to be her knight, riding into her trouble, carrying her off to safety and peace. I could offer her suggestions and ideas, but I am being told to be only encouraging and mostly praying. As our nation struggles and men throw their empty answers of hope and provision around, again, I am being told to be only encouraging and mostly praying.

It is so 'not me', letting her talk about situations, share her frustrations, all the while, just holding her hand or looking into her struggling eyes with tenderness and concern, with all the strength I can muster, then pausing to pray about it or say something to let her know I am standing with her in this time and struggle. As I think about our nation, it is so 'not me' to rather than lead a continual charge, blathering about what 'seems obvious to me' and to most 'rational' citizens our answer to the issues and problems our nation faces, and just stand with her (America) in this time and struggle.

I find myself learning to lean and learning to listen. Not only to her (my wife and my country), but most importantly to God. He is asking of me something that goes against my fiber, my wiring, my...pride; saying less and praying more, much less and much more.

While most people, including myself, think that praying is our talking with God, I am finding more value in the leaning and listening rather than the tirades I spin in His direction, now finding my heart, changed. Some root characteristics that once overwhelmed me (I seem to like to talk...what teacher doesn't?) is finding temper, balance and I believe, pervasive prudence. I am beginning to really enjoy 'listening' rather than hearing myself 'talk', nearly forcing myself not to speak unless completely compelled to do so, by God himself, not me. I have noticed that often, even when I want to say something, He has another start speaking before I can get going, and for these 'reminders', I am thankful. I need His help still to be still, learn to be quiet, cease the pursuit of making sure others hear what I 'think' I 'have' to say.

Most fascinating, is that the less I say, and the more I pray, the more miraculous the result; the more I find I am learning to trust His working, His solutions, His answers which exceed anything I could hope or desire. Sure, a plethora currently remain 'unanswered' today, but I am confident that His answer and timing will reveal His glory; Confident because I see His answers, His glory unfold in my recent days.

I have invested in the study of His scriptures, exposing His character and leading to others and continue to do so. I now find myself with the singular desire to unleash the fullness of God into my life and the lives around me, something I cannot do, only He can. So as I learn to lean, and learn to listen I find myself learning to let God be God in and around my life. Duh. I have come to discover that it is not for me to solve, unravel, rescue, or answer, it is up to, as it always was and is, Him.

What would happen if our nation of believers fully trusted in our Lord and Savior? What would happen if God were sought with diligence and humility? In prayer and fasting? What would happen if ALL His men, His people would seek His answers, His provision, His direction for solutions to our really complex issues and problems?

He says:

When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among my people, if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place. For now I have chosen and consecrated this house that my name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will be there for all time. And as for you, if you will walk before me as David your father walked, doing according to all that I have commanded you and keeping my statutes and my rules, then I will establish your royal throne, as I covenanted with David your father, saying, ‘You shall not lack a man to rule Israel.’

“But if you turn aside and forsake my statutes and my commandments that I have set before you, and go and serve other gods and worship them, then I will pluck you up from my land that I have given you, and this house that I have consecrated for my name, I will cast out of my sight, and I will make it a proverb and a byword among all peoples. And at this house, which was exalted, everyone passing by will be astonished and say, ‘Why has the LORD done thus to this land and to this house?’ Then they will say, ‘Because they abandoned the LORD, the God of their fathers who brought them out of the land of Egypt and laid hold on other gods and worshiped them and served them. Therefore he has brought all this disaster on them.’”
(2 Chronicles 7:13-22 ESV)

We are not Israel, but we certainly once were a nation brought out of a land of burden, to a land with His new opportunities, along with His leading. We have abandoned His statutes and commandments. Ask yourself this...does it not seem like He is beginning to "pluck you up from my land that I have given you?...and cast you from my sight?" BUT, notice the call isn't to change the hearts of those who don't know Him, rather only ours, His followers, His real followers! His people.

The problems my wife faces at work pale, significantly, to the problems we face as a nation. God will provide her, and my struggling heart for her, answers. Yet now I find myself at His feet asking for an immense and far more reaching issue, the heart of this nation in which I find myself living. Is it possible that He would lead us, His people to a return? He is God and can do anything we ask or desire. I am starting with myself, and praying that He infects, instills, informs and instigates a mighty movement, His holy presence returning to a nation who once trusted Him for our leading, leaning on Him for our protection.

I find myself learning to lean and learning to listen. Will we, as a nation, learn to lean and learn to listen once more to the almighty, righteous, holy, wholly worthy, God?

Leading Life

Presently perched on my shoulders, is my head. Duh. With the constant struggle to keep 'my head' in check. How one goes through life, leading life, encouraging whole living without being or sounding prideful is a delicate balance. Citing examples of personal excursions and doings that bless others can be self-serving, and therefore overtly full of inappropriate pride...or, if done correctly, can encourage others to join in with similar acts and responses to our Lord, for His glory.

I suppose it's time to stop worrying about motives, and start leading life, following the Leader of Life, Jesus Christ. It is my desire, hope and motive that this blog is not self-serving, but self-exposing as one life follower of Jesus Christ, inspiring other lives to go and do, inspired and led not by this blog, but Christ and the Holy Spirit! I honestly want 'these footprints' to be of His leading, leading my life.

How does this happen? Only through prayer, constant communication with God, our lives an accurate testimony, and continuing story of Jesus Christ walking the face of this earth. I cover, as I hope you do to, these blogs with prayer and thankfulness for God's inspiration in each post. I also ask Him to allow those who may 'need' such encouragement to find bits and pieces of it here.

Some of you may wonder why I don't often 'pepper' this blog with scripture. For those of you who know scripture, it is 'peppered' with such, woven in the lines as applications of it. I have come to see that a life lived, immersed and bathed in scripture is demonstrated by the outcome of the life...the glory of God revealed in and through us daily, with ever increasing regularity.

As I see it, there is only one Leading Life, Jesus Christ, and if we let Him lead our lives, we will join in the leading of lives in such a manner that others become leaders of life. Sound familiar? Oh...Jesus called that 'making disciples'! Will you join me as a disciple of Christ and invite others to read, comment and join us in the the leading of lives to the only Leader of Life? This blog stands, I pray, as a testimony of one life, in directed obedience, seeking to inspire others to rise to His call. I really don't care if you jump on this blog and become a follower, but rather that you invest your life as Christ directs and walk, truly walk as His follower. He alone is our Leader of Life, who can change our world by using those who listen and follow The Leader.

Underwear. Under Where?

A little humor can also go a long way. Did the title of today's blog pique your curiosity? Whether you choose to wear them or not, there are reasons for dawning such garments if not for practicality's sake. But where could I possibly be going with this?

While most consider these garments to be 'essential', or at least practical, it is often taken for granted and not normally socially acceptable to discuss. No elaboration is needed right? Yet, how often the essence or practicality of a pure, holy and genuine response to God 'hidden' underneath garments of manipulation and contrived adornment and clothing, while all along our Lord sees through what I present to the world. In a sense, He sees all and knows all, and I try to fool Him and others with 'my take' on what a Godly life 'should' look like.

While it is embarrassing to be 'exposed', most of us wouldn't think twice about walking around in our underwear at home (of course discretion is needed even there). For in intimate settings of family and home, the rules are different than out in the world. Yet, God demands of me whole and complete intimacy; the recognition that He sees and know ALL, and is desiring for my response to fully recognize this fact.

My pastor this weekend has forged new thinking within my heart about God and how I try to 'manage' Him and my understanding of Him. In a sense, my heart was fully exposed to Him for what may be the first time, ever. I am a doer and to the many who know me, find public display of my faith and 'righteousness' as the fine clothes that speak of my heart, while all along, He sees into the complete and total picture of me. I am undone! My arrogance, my appearance, complete appearance, exposed (as it always was) to my holy and almighty God! This time, though, I can see, in desperation, why I need a savior!!

AND, I have one!!!

I find myself asking God to help me put aside all my expectations, all my preconceived notions, all my 'religious' practices, all my conventions of access to Him, yes, all the ways I try to manipulate Him as God, to receive and hear directly from Him what I am to do, how I am to present myself as a living sacrifice before Him, holy and acceptable which is my reasonable service of worship. (Romans 12:1).

I am sure He will continue to use many familiar forms of access, prayer, meditation on His words found in the complete Bible, and some of the current 'doings' in my life, yet I desire to live a life under where there are no 'secrets' from God (I try to fool myself into thinking I can hide anything from Him?), and, in fact, where I find myself standing exposed and 'comfortable' being all He has made me and will make of me. My desire is to be a man who asks of God, "Oh, I need your help to remove every blemish and impurity that is hidden (and honestly not hidden, but which I cling to) to my spiritually desirous pure eyes within me. Lord, help me find it...under where? Aha, there it is, and here you go. Take it, remove it far from me. Forgive me, and thank you for exposing it to my eyes, for Your glory."

Lord, take me today, and make the words of my mouth and meditations of heart pleasing and acceptable to You, oh my Rock and my Redeemer!

Unsettling and unsatisfied...

How often do we find ourselves 'here', moving through life a bit unsettled and unsatisfied with a preponderance of discord and difficulty dousing our days, dimming our delight, hampering our hope? With hope hampered, what is it, exactly, that would bring absolute restoration of opulent optimism?

A wrestling heart comes from dissatisfaction of banal living. Inspiration comes from listening, inspired listening from discerning ears, discerning ears from wrestling heart. A wrestling heart, inspired, listening and correctly discerning, discovers truth, and the truth, absolute truth, will set us free from a banal existence.

Who can we listen to, or should we be listening to restore order and hope around us? Can our government restore this? Will having the right job suffice? Will making more money, having a boss that sees and understands our hampered ability to accomplish the impossible suddenly providing the army of employees to support success satisfy?

As a dear friend of mine often asks, Quoting another interesting man, "How's that workin' for ya?". Has the cavalry arrived? Will it? Has our government provided wise and prudent leadership for our nation? Will access to health care for all be enough to bring you hope? Will victorious war and protection of our nation bring us hope?

While all of these things would contribute to a 'feeling' of hope, each in concert would not even fully satisfy and bring us complete hope. Where are we looking for our hope? Who can bring it on and make our lives 'work', our existence filled with joy and satisfaction?

I have found one man whose life defied empty religion, pointed to, delivered and fully exemplified one who has and will answer our 'need' for complete hope in dire, desperate times. His name and ways seem to offend those who don't fully know and understand that surrender and humility are the only way to find peace, hope and truth. Yet, His compassion and ways are like none other. His promise of hope extending far beyond my wildest expectations. His power to do, heal, protect, restore order, provide for my needs from His riches and wisdom beyond anything I could ask or imagine. His healing and inspiration far reaching and miraculous. Who is this man? Jesus Christ. Read about his life. Listen for His leading and our lives will move from unsettled and unsettling to peace and power that transforms not only our lives, but transforms the world.

Facing Fears

I have been here before. We have (Carrie and I) been here before. It seems the end of another career with the pressing on to yet another? Another time of unemployment is unsettling for Carrie still, and honestly, for me as well. Yet, there is one lesson I hold to and embark upon every time I have been faced with this state of living; continue looking, doing and listening each day for the 'work' I am to accomplish within it. Some may call it a 'blind and worthless faith' that I hold to, but if one were to examine the details of my life, the movement and success of this soul's living, the opportunities, the challenges, the steps of faith which speaks volumes into lives, I call it a well placed faith.

Tonight, while going to a favorite restaurant, a tall young man approached me and asked, "Mr. Arii?". My gaze rose from the counter where I was standing and turning towards him, his expectation rose as well. I smiled and vaguely recognized his features. "Your...my brain reaching deep into the failing cells...Adam!" The astonished face of the man I last saw as a boy over 10 years ago as I taught a middle school science class, changed to a smile as he reached out his right hand vigorously shook mine. His parents followed quickly behind him and we engaged in a momentary conversation. Yes, it was a blessing to connect with a young man who was a past student who remembered me and wanted to see me again in this place. It was also wonderful to hear about his success as a business major and pitcher for a local college and now (from his proud dad) the # 1 pitcher in San Diego county. So there we stood, me with a grateful heart, filled with joy because of the tremendous sacrifice it took my family and wife to allow me to change careers and become a teacher, Adam's teacher.

Earlier, I spoke of yet another career change, and with education in dire straits and my job virtually vanishing, I find myself at another crossroad. My Facebook 'friends' are mostly past students, and stand as a testimony to the care I enjoyed investing in their lives. Adam's approach today speaks to that same investment. While working as a teacher, I found myself caring for young hearts. Now, while continuing to work with I find myself working with adults in my church. Adults who have lost love ones and walk the road of grief. Often these words in my blog have pointed to the pain and anguish my friends face as my footprints have led me into their circle.

In talking with my wife this morning while out to breakfast, I discovered that she is uneasy with my unemployment, compounded by her feeling 'buried' at work. She confesses trust in our Lord for His provision, and she is looking forward to seeing it happen, but the waiting...is hard.

My days are filled with doing. I am finishing home building projects, carefully monitoring the financial aspect of it all, and volunteering for other tasks as they arise. Various light handyman jobs, writing, teaching an Adult Sunday School class at church, leading a grief recovery group, writing music, singing and playing my instruments at a local hospital, cooking for large groups and my family, counseling a few people and selling a car are just a few of the 'tasks' I participates in as the weeks advance. All of them monetarily unpaid. My days are filled with doing.

While I am not making an money (with the exception of selling the car), I am getting paid. I get paid with thanks, smiles, words of encouragement, and just the satisfaction that I know, as I do, I am making a difference; not in stuff, but in people's lives. The things I have been doing have made other's lives a bit easier, or added joy, or peace or encouragement.

Life is not about monetary pay. It is about facing fears full on and finishing with strength and integrity. It is about doing in the day and receiving pay in ways more satisfactory than money alone. Maybe this is why I truly loved teaching. Sure, I got paid for it, but the richest part of my paycheck was the smiles and connections I made with my students. So, the pay continues as I do and invest in the lives of my friends and community. No, its not in dollars, and no, you cannot eat if you don't get paid. Yet I know, just as He has in the past, that God will lead me into His riches, and no one can claim his wealth, it's all His.

As we face fears and trust Him, he promises to care for us. He has yet to fail me and I know and believe God never will. What fears are you facing? Who are you trusting for the answer to your fears? What are you doing while you are waiting for something to happen? It might be the way I'm designed, but surely, I cannot just sit on the couch, or in front of my computer, doing nothing. If you find yourself unemployed, what are you doing? How are you getting 'paid'? If you are just sitting on the couch, watching the flat screen, maybe that is why you aren't even the recipient of the richest form of pay found within this blog. Let's together face our fears and listen for God's call in...today.

Our Own Ownership

I started a venture asking a simple question...What do I truly own? Ownership means that I have full claim, authority, dominion of that which I claim is mine. Extrapolating it to the day of my demise, I come to realize that whatever I believe is really mine, I actually only possess to use while here on the planet. The absolute, long-term truth is, though I may have purchased the item, once I am gone, I am no longer capable of remaining the owner of "IT". Extrapolating further one must ask, do I even own my own life? Is it something I can possess in spite of my death?

What I have come to discover is that yes, I do own my life and the time given me to exist. We all own this present 'time'. I do have choice. I do have reason, which has been crafted within me since the day of my birth and as I continue to walk this planet we call earth. And, while not all believe in one, I do have choice with my soul, the particular being or entity which makes me uniquely me. No one is a carbon copy of anyone before. Each of us has individual characteristics that will never be duplicated in any other being. No one will ever write like your or me. No one will ever dream like your or me. No one will ever do exactly as you or me. But someone else with either own my possessions or discard them upon my earthly demise.

As I think about the bumper sticker we have all seen "He who dies with the most toys wins" my responsive bumper sticker would be "He who dies with the most toys looses the most toys". None of us will take them with us, and nothing we own, except our souls will last for eternity.

To those who don't believe we have a soul, you will someday. For when you are taken from this place, your soul removed from the body which temporarily 'holds' it, you will discover the error of your thinking. And for me, if the soul is not an entity, and upon my earthly demise I find myself nothing, even if I were to die with a few toys, I still would have lost it all, yet I know my life would account for blessing of others as I lived and breathed.

So, there remains a choice, there is something we 'own' for sure being our earthly existence and what we choose to do today. Whether you believe in God or not, each of us can choose to look for truth, and honestly, I am truly seeking to know truth. Not religion, not some conjured up human reasoning, absolute truth.

I have seen miracles. I have experienced that which defies coincidental explanation. I have prayed and seen the gamut of modes of answers to my prayers. I have listened and followed both righteous leadership and unrighteous leadership. I have worked hard to discern the difference between the two, and believe I have found a way to determine such. Have you? Where do you go for truth? Whose truth is it that drives your life? Where is the absolute goodness in your days? How has your life been essential in the quest of your soul and the soul of others?

We do own things. Our own ownership speaks volumes to our integrity and character. Our choices in each day, each moment reveals who we are and where we are heading. I am trying to use all that I own to invest in the lives of others, making our journey through this life as tolerable as possible, fully believing that what I leave behind pales significantly to what I will own in the future, beyond my life here.

What do you own? How will you use what you own today? How will your life speak of your ownership after you exit?

Time for Clarity

When I clearly cleave to clever contortions, twisting truth to fit false imitations of what is truly truth, I eventually come to realize my failings. The more I contort, the more probable my error and my evolution of truth becomes. It is clarity I seek. The simple, evident and persistent existence of truth; not some contortion of truth, but the absolute, inarguable, innate, inseparable, invaluable truth; which some believe to be nonexistent.

How do you clearly find truth? Can absolute truth be relegated to some human contortion? Or do you even believe such absolute truth exists? Where would such absolute truth be found? How would you know if you found "it"?

Relative truth, the truth that each of us 'manufactures' from our understanding floods the world today. What is okay for one has become the premise or acceptable as a way of life for all. Tolerance, has become intolerance for if someone speaks of Godly truth, or some absolute truth, such has become intolerable. Conformity to a single truth or righteous, Godly truth has been removed from the realm of 'tolerance'.

It seems that a majority of people shun external 'imposition' of morality based on a Godly perspective. Why? Could it be the 'nature' that has been placed in us, created in 'the image of God' which compels us to actually believe we ourselves are god? If such godly goodness within us is 'real', why are we surrounded by and barraged by such unsettling 'evil' or disaster? Have we developed a 'blindness' to corruption and loss of personal integrity? Have we become acceptors of sin and wayward living in such a way that we 'allow' it to overtake us? Is there an answer for all the difficulty that surrounds us?

If one does not believe in absolute truth, how is that working for us? Is our world actually getting better? Is there great improvement in the goodness and godness of man? Are we actually heading toward an Utopian society with peace and goodness reigning because of our fully innate and complete goodness?

I am seeking clarity. I want to see and know the truth. I do believe that many have good intentions, good integrity and good will; I just don't see it evident in the larger community. I have determined to make it my own personal striving to discover absolute truth, and hope that my 'musings' here uncover that which is truth. It is bane to state that I live and breathe absolute truth. It is a struggle I face daily, even moment to moment. Yet, I want to bless my friends, be an encouragement, real encouragement as a man of integrity, looked upon as one of humility and service; living such a life that those who know me see that there is a way to absolute truth and that is sweet in it's attainment, lived out in a way that oozes grace, mercy and love to a world in angst.

Give me clarity to see, all that You have created me to be. Yes, God, I do believe in Your absolute truth, and desire to live in such a manner that those around me would see the fullness of You, and who you really are, as I have come to know You.

It is time for clarity. It is time for grace. It is time to live as people of integrity, standing in truth; absolute truth.

Absolute Absurdity to Righteous Response

I used to wonder how a man like Adolf Hitler could infect a culture in such a way that people would shun all form of right moral reasoning, see their infected culture as the only deserving survival at the expense of all else, with the only ultimate threat being the culture led by right moral reasoning. How could an entire people be led astray into such a life of absolute absurdity? Then it grabbed me. There was another man, who infected a culture in such a way that they were taught to adhere to moral reasoning, see their infected culture as one needing a turn from empty religious practices and sin, surviving not only this life, but in an eternal glorious one, absent of absolute absurdity, reveling in righteous response to a risen Savior; all this, standing opposed to the other way of leading and thinking.

We all are growing weary of putting our trust in failing men of promise, a failing economy, failing wars, failing marriages, failing employment and are looking for a real savior. A person of conviction and charisma. A person with a plan and the ability to make the world a better place to exist, who seems to gather others seemingly capable of accomplishing such a task. Saddening is that we allow ourselves to become followers of men, and in this pursuit become infected with a disease that dulls our senses allowing heinous crimes, empty comfort and vacuum of lies to encroach upon us with no solutions; like spectators of life desiring change yet impotent to effect it.

The road to murderer is rarely an overnight decision. Bit by bit the value of life is removed from the one who eventually takes a life. They come to feel as if they are more deserving of some aspect of life itself than their victim, and being deceived, snatch the very thing they cherish in themselves from someone else.

While this is the most extreme form of absolute absurdity, we, the people, seem to be heading down a similar road. As our nation declines in leadership, innovation and righteousness, we seem to be turning to 'the wrong' god(s). Integrity fading, commitment and sound thinking waning, we are being tossed as if in the ravages of a storm on the sea thrown about in a dingy.

Is it not time to be real reflectors of righteousness in response to the only wise God? Is it not time to fully impute our trust, our passion, our service into His hands and under His continual leading? Are we listening and desiring to be ALL that He wants us to be?

I find myself wanting to move from a life accepting absolute absurdity to one of righteous response...not to my own heart, or the 'goodness' which lies within (ah yes, my goodness is a lie), but to the truth, the power and manifold grace of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and God; His goodness is true. To live as a citizen of heaven, imparting heavenly goodness and blessing to those around me, this is my desire. To serve and invest in that which will bring eternal benefit and glory...to God, yet again is my desire. Will you join me in the listening? Can we, together change our world in such a way that the power and majesty of His righteousness and mercy will pour into the lives of our friends, neighbors and community? I have many friends who are doing exactly this, and I want to stand with them. Together we can let God restore His peace, His guidance, His protection, His blessing on us, a nation who used to believe and live "In God we trust". It is time to move from lives headed toward absolute absurdity to ones of righteous response to His leading, standing and living together, with God.

Recent Re-connection

The internet, Facebook and other 'tools' can be squandered and reduced to banal, self-serving mutterings, or utilized, in a sense maximized, as a powerful and potent tool to effect very momentous and meaningful matters as the cause of life presses into each of ours. Such is one recent timely event, the re-connection to a fellow friend of decades ago in school through Facebook.

Brenda, as I remember her, was always a positive, perky and engaging young lady and we spent many hours and days together as fellow members of the bands in Jr. High and High School. It isn't surprising to me that she has a great job and is quite successful as a powerful business woman in the Information Technology world. What is an encouragement to my heart is her faith and the timing of our re-connection. Initially just a shared joy at the discovery of our current interests in life, and to see in my friend, a love of God and heart of service to Him. So,interestingly, and in short order, this connection has turned to one of support and encouragement to her in the loss of a dear friend and neighbor of hers.

Interesting too, that my last post here, speaks of yet another thing near and dear to the heart God has given me, the heart of compassion for those who have lost loved ones. Coincidence? Really? For me, it comes as little surprise. God continues to do amazing things directed by His amazing will, for the glory of His kingdom.

Catherine Shelton was 42 and involved in a tragic traffic collision in Village West section of Claremont, California. She did not survive her injuries. She is described as a caring person making everyone around her feel comfortable. Very social, she had a wide circle of friends and was loved by many in her community as evidenced living as a neighbor and girlfriend of my new Facebook re-connected friend Brenda.

Shelton was a former member of the Disaster Response Team of the local chapter of the American Red Cross and served as a board member of Claremont school's PFA. She was also very active in the business community working as a realtor for Coldwell Banker Town & Country and was an active member of the Claremont Chamber of Commerce.
She is survived by her 19-year-old son who recently graduated from Claremont High School.

Once again, the brevity of life and the tragedy of death touches my life and the life of one of my friends. Any son, and especially hers, will be mourning the loss of her life and wrestling with the unknowns of the future. Brenda, as a dear friend will also miss Catherine and come to terms with the loss of the presence of her friend. The real and certain agony of death touches you and me in this event as well and speaks to our soon future and transition off this planet.

For many, it is too difficult to approach and 'sit' in the presence of death. It is an ugly thing and never truly intended to be. And yet, death too will die someday for those of us who walk in the shadow of our Lord, Jesus Christ. There is a calling, a wooing upon our hearts. It is evident to me that there must be something more than just a banal existence and then banishment, the snuffing out of a life forever, reducing us to little more than equal with an earthworm, snail, monkey or other animal. Use your mind, senses to connect and listen for absolute truth. Not a truth contrived by men (and women) but absolute truth that exists because it is right, honorable, lovely, pure...sacred.

Our days are directed, or can be, if we choose to think less of ourselves and more of others. Our world will be transformed from one of hate and fear to one of beauty and grace of our Master, Jesus Christ, should we choose to live selflessly, with a heart of service. I know my friend Brenda is doing such. I also know that many of my friends at my church are too! It is time for us as believers to rise and be true, complete representatives of our Lord to a world fixed upon fear and the uncertain future. We have hope, we have guidance, we have, or should have peace.

May God take us through our day, and impart His power, His grace, His wisdom, His holiness and His glory as we take each step. I truly celebrate my recent re-connection to Brenda, but always celebrate my continual re-connection to Christ, through prayer and His people.

Face to Face

Every week, as I co-lead a grief recovery group, I come face to face with loss, painful loss of dear loved ones. Ten years ago, I came face to face with what most in the medical profession would have considered my eminent demise and probable transition off the face of the planet, and to this day, I cherish each day given me here. I also hold dearly the lives of my many friends and family who surround me each pressing on toward their transition as well.

How often it is, that we ignore IT, deny IT, are uncomfortable in the reminder of IT, and are desensitized by IT happening on the big screen and in video games. It is as if somehow we are comforted in knowing that the people are only actors or virtual people, either surviving what looks like real death before us, or just an image of what appears to be living. One statement that I hear in the presentation of the GriefShare leaders on the video, is 'it is rare that both marriage partners die at the same time'. And in our grief group, it positively demonstrates this point. One remains, and while it is hard, it is...life.

Some, may wonder how I can do such a thing as lead a weekly grief recovery group, facing death every week and as a care minister, pressing demise of many I serve several times a week. The truth is, that if God does not give me strength, I cannot. The other side of it is, that in coming to and facing the truth of my departure and the potential departure of my friends and beloved family on a regular basis, forges in me the priorities that make every effort to value the lives of each who I am blessed to know. IT, has changed my perspective of life, on life and the living of each day.

I want to be honest with you, my few readers, and say that my heart breaks constantly for those around me. I spend time in tears, in prayer, aching with great sorrow for their losses and mine. As a 'man' I wrestle with what the world may see as weakness, crumbing before my Lord in tears, before my friends as well, and yet, I wouldn't trade anything for what God has wrought in my heart, His compassion for His people, my friends and family. I drink deeply of cup of life, honestly confronting the fullness of what is and what will be coming; my face to face with God and the people He seems to be calling me to. I regularly stand face to face with death, face to face with ever pressing demise of disease and age, knowing fully that ultimately I will stand face to face with my Lord, Jesus Christ, in His presence, full presence, in heaven.

Jesus alone has conquered death and given me the opportunity to join Him in life, eternal life. A place where tears are vanquished. A place of peace without anguish. A place that after living there a million years, I have barely started what will be an eternal lifetime with God. It can be a place for all of us, and the joy of being together for it all. May He use us, to lead many to the throne of grace and eternal mercy, face to face with the Almighty Lord!

Sinful Suffering, Sacred Suffering

In Lystra and Derbe

Ac 14:8 In Lystra there sat a man crippled in his feet, who was lame from birth a and had never walked. 9 He listened to Paul as he was speaking. Paul looked directly at him, saw that he had faith to be healed 10 and called out, “Stand up on your feet!” At that, the man jumped up and began to walk.
Ac 14:11 When the crowd saw what Paul had done, they shouted in the Lycaonian language, “The gods have come down to us in human form!” 12 Barnabas they called Zeus, and Paul they called Hermes because he was the chief speaker. 13 The priest of Zeus, whose temple was just outside the city, brought bulls and wreaths to the city gates because he and the crowd wanted to offer sacrifices to them.

14 But when the apostles Barnabas and Paul heard of this, they tore their clothes and rushed out into the crowd, shouting:

15 “Men, why are you doing this? We too are only men, human like you. We are bringing you good news, telling you to turn from these worthless things to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them. 16 In the past, he let all nations go their own way. 17 Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.”

18 Even with these words, they had difficulty keeping the crowd from sacrificing to them. 19 Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. 20 But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city. The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe.

Can you believe this? People were trying to honor Paul and Barnabus, taking it too far by worshiping them and while Paul was trying to stop them from improper worship, the Jewish leaders enter, getting control of the crowd (because even the truth of which Paul spoke could not get their attention). How is it that the Jews completely misunderstood what was happening and turn the crowd from praise (and improper worship) into enough anger (improper anger by the way) to stone him?

It has been brought to my attention, many times how we, as believers, do great harm against things done 'correctly' in and before the eyes of our Lord! A pastor and friend of mine contributed on our church blog about 'bumper sticker' Christians who do more to turn people away from Christ than win them over to Him with His love.

See-- http://www.newheightscommunity.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=291:lord-save-us-from-your-followers&catid=31:pastors-blog&Itemid=198

What is of importance in this passage is that God took care of Paul and preserved his life, probably because he was doing what was honorable before the Lord. What is also important is that God did not spare Paul of the stoning! Of what blessing might there be in letting Paul endure unjust stoning? This boggles the mind!!! Yet, I have come to believe that Paul, like none of us, truly came to terms with the unjust suffering of His savior in that moment, as did those disciples who surrounded him and prayed for his return to life on earth! (which God obviously raised him up again, remember people were stoned until confidently perceived as dead!).

My life is surrounded by, and would be overwhelmed with the suffering of His people as they press through life. In my previous blog I spoke of Dan and his sufferings. I have friends who are suffering abuse, betrayal, unemployment, hunger. I have friends of dear friends who are suffering from cancer, failed marriages, even prison (for things they deserve). What I have come to see clearly, is that suffering is an active part of our redemption. For those who cross the boundaries in crime, prison is supposed to be suffering to actively change their hearts (how have we gone wrong in this area?). Even for those of us who suffer doing honorable things before our Lord, these sufferings are for our good as well.

The real questions are these... Are we suffering as a part of God's discipline for unholy, disrespect to Him as servants, His longing to sanctify us through correction? Or will God take our righteous suffering, wrongly accused and misperceived by others and use it for His glory?

Much of our suffering is brought upon us as part of God's discipline and correction in our lives; sinful suffering. Some of our suffering is brought on by the misconceptions of others, our motives fully accepted by God; sacred suffering. Sinful suffering, sacred suffering; Both are part of the equation of redemption. If we choose to be connected with Jesus Christ, we will experience both, yet our savior never even participated in a morsel of sin, which is why His suffering, sacred, undeserved, pure before our Father and His, is the only suffering that can fully redeem us in this life to the next. Ours is to press ahead in such a way that our suffering is not driven by sin, but driven by His glory revealed through us. Paul considered it an honor to be stoned for Christ and His righteous glory. Now that, is the power of sacred suffering.