Awaiting Us All

Very few, if any, want to talk about it yet it is there awaiting us all. While you may feel like you don’t want to read this, I believe this to be one of my most important writings, asking you to make it to the beautiful end and then beginning.

We don’t talk about it because there is a fear of the truly unknown inhabiting it. Never intended to exist, the result of desiring to be like their creator, the first of our kind were enticed to consume what their creator, our creator, told them not to. While it didn’t happen immediately, set in motion was the decay and demise of every living and non-living thing that surrounded them, a degeneration leading to death.

Disorder and decay was foreign to the early universe and beings of humanity. It did not have to be but became the result of prideful desire of the creatures created in His image. That is what makes the transition, the aging, the wearing away hard and for us and all of the created world. There exists an unknowable destination that could mean the cessation of our existence but really isn’t.

Death is only a door. On the other side though, the balance of our choice will seal our never ending destination.

I have had the privilege, if you can call it that, to be around many whose life rests on the brink of transition off the planet. For many years I volunteered at a convalescent home as a young man, pre-twenties into my early twenties. Then I married a lovely lady who cares for children as an RN in our local Children’s Hospital, visiting her at work, and even a baby on the threshold the day my second son was born, then later in life first as some I dearly love left us, and now as a minister ushered by God into the fleeting remaining hours of life, some I know and some I don’t.

It seems all my life I was being prepared to understand being at the precipice of transition from this life to next. I found myself standing with them at the threshold of the door before us between this life and what remains ahead.  There was nothing more heartbreaking than holding a baby gasping for breath with complications too numerous to be able to remedy…but God got me through it.

The nursing staff, including my wife had held him whenever they had the time as it was too hard for the family to face his demise. At that moment he was alone and I asked if I could go in his room feeling compelled to do so. Contemplating the birth of my second son (which happened a few hours later) I remember praying over him asking God to give him peace from his struggle and take him home.

For that baby, in that moment, I was comforted by God in knowing that he would never know the pains and challenges of this world, being whisked away into eternal peace after such brief struggle. It was as if part of his brief life was there for that moment when God gave me the strength and courage to walk into his room of death, being His peace as I held him in tears. And as I did so, his struggle for air turned calm. He passed sometime the following night. That time is etched securely in my mind.

I have seen those with a relationship with God in those last hours as well as those without and they both die differently.

As a young man who believed in God back then, I watched darkness grow to consumption for those who lay in opposition to the existence of a God. Some shook their fists in defiant anger at death, but it still took them. Some hoped there was something more ahead believing they were good enough to merit entry, but very unsure and while filled with questions unwilling to believe in anything more than themselves. And for each of these I could offer no comfort. Each of them leaving with a looming sense of demise.

There was and remains a striking difference between the Godless and the God led. Sure, some of them were fearful as the lion of transition encroached to consume their earthly life, however, I was inspired and comforted by many who held onto God as He used dreams, images and thoughts of loved ones who had gone before calling them to what awaited. I also remember that baby whose infancy and innocence knew so little but as I prayed and cried struggled less for breath as I held him. I couldn’t believe the feeling of peace that washed over both of us even while I was in tears. I have also watched as those with fear changed to miraculous peace as God shared with them (using me) the truth of scripture along with what I believe and know exists on the other side.

To those I knew believed in God and Jesus Christ, I have experienced His power overcome fear and distress when I remind them to call out to the Holy Trinity in their time of distress and fear as I do so on their behalf with and for them. As I am led, I read familiar passages from the Bible that speak of God’s great love for us and why death is only a door to a wonderful, perfect, sorrowless life that is ahead and how I long to join them when the time is right. No two visits are ever the same, but every time I get to see the peace of God wash over them and it is priceless, yes, even a baby decades ago.

My most recent visit, two days ago was to the bedside of Andy. Twenty-eight years ago he was found lying on the ground unable to move. One of his vertebrae completely crumbled for some unknown reason. Doctors did amazing work creating a replacement vertebra from his own hip turning him from a quadriplegic into a paraplegic, regaining some use of his arms and hands. He remained in a wonderful care facility for the rest of his life.

Andy never complained. He was always sweet and very generous with what little he had. It was his heart that was huge and he loved life. The staff crowned him as king and loved serving him. He loved hats but his favorite to wear was his crown. Andy ruled with gentleness, kindness, generosity and gratitude. He would even entertain his ever loyal subjects with singing, karaoke style. As a Catholic, he lived his life clinging to the religious. As I stepped up to his bedside, the priest unable to get there, I knew Andy knew Jesus. The staff couldn’t understand why he kept hanging on thinking he was waiting for something, maybe his last rights. Not being Catholic I asked God for help to know and be there for my friend.

I spoke of his relationship with God and Christ. I knew he had that relationship because of the way he lived his life. Sure, it was imperfect. Sure he faced many challenges, some well, some not so. But what mattered most was that he believed all his failures are forgiven because Jesus covered them, Jesus took them and threw them as far as the east is from the west. I had moments with those who loved him present and moments alone with my friend. But what I saw is the same thing I’ve always been able to see when God leads me to the threshold of death in the life of a believer; a washing of peace finds its way into their souls.

I cannot take credit for that miraculous event. I only get to experience the peace of my Lord wash over them as I stand with them at their threshold. I believe and trust that when my time comes, I will get to receive that same washing I experienced with others, including that baby. I have come to realize that my calling is to be God’s emissary of peace wherever He leads me in the midst of those with fear, disorientation, chaos and distress. He gives me the strength and courage to stand with them on their threshold of death and it is such privilege. I cannot explain what I feel and why I so frequently find myself in that place but I go when called and do as He leads.

I have to tell you that death has gotten much less fearful for me as He leads me as close as humanly possible without actually walking through the door. Medically I found myself looking into the eyes of my trained nurse wife seeing that she believed she was going to lose me, but that is for another story. I know that I do not possess the courage and strength to stand there with them, but He provides all we need in those times together.

For Andy, I know that his eternal crown is beautiful and flamboyant. I believe he will live in a palace ruling gently with Jesus Christ, just as he did here in the palace of his care facility. He has already heard the words,

“Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master."

And I look forward to visiting you, Andy, in your palace as I walk there from my apartment when I arrive. I am thankful for our sweet times together.

I find it sad that very few of us want to talk about death. For me it is just a door. I have seen many joyfully walk through it, longing to be there with those they love who have gone before having a relationship with their Creator, He providing a peace that passes all our understanding…just as we have been promised.

Eternal life awaits us all. For some, we choose to spend it in a place without fear, evil, or death, not because we earned it, but because it was granted us by a relationship with God who became flesh and dwelt among us. He did so to offer us redemption by His sacrifice...and we entered that relationship. For we who do, there is something, somewhere beautiful, peaceful and beyond imagination awaiting us all. My prayer, my hope is that you too can find His peace when you get there, standing on the threshold of the door to eternity. To God be the glory, forever and ever, Amen.

Seeing More Without Sight Than Those With

There are so many ‘pieces’, long investments I have had the privilege and honor to ‘do’ and ‘be’ that are distant, fading ‘memories’ in my life. You have them too, people and places you poured and maybe continue pouring yourself into through different circumstances. We can learn from the circumstances and the people we were with, helping us understand deeply, the value of life and living…together.

It is rare that there are ‘one off’ times with people that forge significant growth in our lives. Those ‘one off’ times do happen. I remember, as a boy, an alcoholic uncle who was very street smart and wise telling me while sitting on a beach together in Hawaii that he saw and believed I would become influential as I learned to talk less and take time to listen more to the wisdom and stories of others warning me not to let bad choices ruin my life like they had him. I had so few times with Uncle George, three at the most, but that one time, alone with him while the others in our family were snorkeling in the nearby reefs ‘sticks’ in my mind for some reason.

While eating dinner with our friends a few nights ago, talking of life and death (see post a few back) I was foisted back to another memory from long ago, a time when I ventured weekly to visit, sing and share life with those convalescing in a facility and some of the staff who welcomed my time with them. It too started with a challenge from the Activities Director there when I called to offer bringing our church choir to sing during the Christmas season (I was the interim choir director at age 18 having never done anything like that before but having a school band background). She said,

“You churches are all alike. You flood us with desire to perform during Christmas and forget about us the rest of the year.”

Ouch. I promised her that ‘we’ wouldn’t. And her quick response was,

“You all say that.”

Our church choir did go and I tried to get any to join me to continue going without success. In short order a real director was found and I resumed my place as member, relieved to return, by the way. But that Activities Director lit a spark in my heart that wouldn’t go away and I followed up on ‘my promise’. I started going once a week to sing with only another young lady from our youth group (who didn’t sing) joining me as I stuck to my promise.

While serving and caring there, I met a wonderful resident.

Velma was almost always laying in her bed whenever I entered her room. The very first time I visited her, as soon as I silently passed through the doorway, an overwhelming sense of warmth and joy would fill me. She turned her head my way and greeted me. Mind you, this, I soon learned was significant. While looking at me her warm smile and gentle, glazened glance was followed by,

“Who’s here?”

I responded, curiously so,

“I’m Bob.”

Her instant response being,

“Oh you’re the sweet man who sings in the hallway. Come closer, sit by me.”

As I drew near, it became clear that Velma was blind. Her gaze returned toward the ceiling as she returned to her restful position thrilled to have me as a visitor.

Velma became one of my favorites to visit, full of joy, overflowing with peace and quite simply amazing with her ‘senses’. To this day, when I think of her, being blind, I know she ‘saw’ more than any sighted person ever would see because, as she would put it, she loved the Lord God Almighty.

While there were many stories to prove my point of incredible ‘sight’, there is one that stands as significant as the one with Uncle George.

I would always try to ‘sneak in’ to Velma’s room without success…ever. Most times when I’d enter she’d ask,

“Is that you, Bob?”

This in itself always amazed me. But this time as I entered her room, she, with excitement said,

“You never told me you were Oriental.”

Stunned and bewildered I froze. What? How? As I pressed nearer to her bedside I asked how she knew.

“God gave me a vision last night. I saw you singing your song, playing your guitar in front of several thousand people. I didn’t know you were Oriental.”

What? No way! Just the thought of me singing in front of a few hundred was like a larger than anything I’d ever expect. The thought to be playing and singing in front of a few thousand? No way! But even more striking she specifically ‘saw’ that I was Japanese! That in itself would have been enough to confirm her amazing, supernatural ‘seeing’.

Velma passed, and there are other significant stories related to her and our visits I must write, but, once again, that is for another time. I was heartbroken at her passing as a young man, her light, her life so significant in mine for so many reasons.

It was a few years later that I had started attending Point Loma Nazarene College (now Point Loma University). The college was having a school wide spiritual gathering and I was asked to sing a song I had written from Matthew 6 as part of the gathering. I had shared the song with Dr. Welch, the spiritual adviser when I'd interviewed with him as an attending student (he did that with every student asking each student to 'bring something that reflected best who we are) and he asking me much later to share the song because it fit the theme of the gathering perfectly. (Trusting the Lord and the "More" of life and living).

The gymnasium was packed as I shared the song with the students to our Lord. As I was finishing the song, I remembered looking up and around me then for some reason my mind flashed back to remembering Velma. She loved that song and asked me frequently to sing it to her.

This is what she saw in her vision!!! In the yearbook there is even a picture of me with my guitar on the gym floor from that gathering! She was here!!! It was everything I could do to hold myself together finish the song then return to my seat a tearful pile of mush!

In my life, there are many events unexplainable, miraculous and, from my perspective, far bigger than me. I’ve been privileged to have eyes to behold the beauty, power and majesty of a God who will prove Himself if and when we choose to look for Him. He placed Velma in the life of this very young man to demonstrate that He has ways far above ours, because He had given me eyes to see and be willing to listen and learn from others around me.

My uncle was right. I took time to stop talking and listen more to the experiences of a precious, beautiful, black woman who loved the Lord with all her heart, became blind as a young woman, but still had more fire in her soul than anyone I know. Velma, while being blind saw more that I will ever see of God being sighted. She was given a detailed, clear vision of a future event before her passing about my life after she’d moved on. That event still speaks into my life to this day, as one of many God events proving His divine nature and character to me because I stopped, listened to Him and stepped out leaving footprints of faith.

Open our eyes of faith, Lord, to see Your majestic work in others, for Your glory that others too might enter your kingdom work with lives thicker, richer and more beautiful than those without You. Show us Your power, Your mercy and love, giving us Your visions that lead us forward, again, for Your glory.

Powerful Not Puny

For four and a half years now, I have been the primary care giver for my mom, who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My dad, fought the war of pancreatic cancer for over a year, his last years calling me to be wingman in the caring for he and mom, and that too was very challenging.

My parents lived a little over an hour north of our San Diego County base.  My brother, living six hours away joined in as he could, I treasure every moment he joined me as wingman for there is nothing better than siblings flying side by side in battle.  As dad's health deteriorated, I was enlisted to care for their yard, take them to all his doctor appointments and the eventual surgery to save what they could of his pancreas, which fell apart as they tried to do so.  Dad nearly died on the operating table.  We cried out to God, I enlisted my prayer friends in immediacy and they asked for a miracle.  Another surgeon joined in and while they could not save my dad’s pancreas, they did save his life.  God answered.  Dad became an instant diabetic.

I have the privilege of serving part time as an Assistant Pastor, my wife being the major breadwinner as a Pediatric Registered Nurse.  I would have perished in 2003 if it weren’t for her skills, but that is for another story.  Because of my blessed flexibility I was able, whenever the need arose, to jump into my truck, make the commute to be at the side of my mom and dad spending precious time serving them.  And now I continue, with life and love, to serve my mom.

You can learn a lot about your parents when one of them slips away.  I already knew that dad was primary in the relationship of financial provision with great wisdom to prepare for their retirement years.  I didn’t realize that he was the primary instigator of most things social.  Looking back, I see it, dad caring and drawing essential aspects of conversation easily making anyone feel welcome.  Nonjudgmental.  Endearing.  Warm.  Fun.  That was my dad.  And his lady, my mom, faithfully followed his requests cooking delicious food, sending birthday and Christmas cards, keeping their home ready for any drop by visitor.  I always said you could perform surgery in mom and dad’s home, it was always that clean.

Ever since dad’s passing, mom has seemed lost.  Part of it due to dementia now fully diagnosed as Alzheimer’s, some of that foisted forward because of his absence in her life.  I believe dad already saw the writing on the wall and wanted to remain so he could continue lovingly caring for her, though it would have been quite the challenge for him, but his cancer ripped him away from us.

So here I stand, having walked four and a half years without dad.  It is my hope and prayer that my blog and Facebook page will serve to help others understand that walking with faith, a relationship with God and Jesus, opens the door for a life far more powerful and beautiful than one lived in simple human power.  I read my Bible, because it clearly demonstrates the power and nature of my Creator.  I engage Him in my daily routines because He has for me a life that will be glorious beyond my capabilities when His are evident and primary. 

I get to be here for my mom.  Trust me, it isn’t easy, managing her finances, healthcare and living situation, but I cherish every moment I get with her thankful to provide what she needs in her last years.  I take her to all her appointments, hair, nails, doctor and medical appointments and have lunch with her every week before bowling in our senior’s league.  In the big scheme of things, these may seem insignificant, but to my mom, her peace of mind having lost the love of her life is huge and to this son, I find significant peace in knowing she is being cared for with dignity and love. 

I doubt I will be famous, nor do I wish to be.  I’ve been the recipient of stares and curiosity from the public and even had people photograph me and run away because they wanted a picture of a curiosity.  But that too is for another story.  My only prayer is that some will read and be inspired to enlist the power of almighty God to be and do the right things at the right time with the right people seeing glorious life and living as result with footprints and faith.  God sized investments into the lives of those around us.

Have you grown weary of a puny, thin life?  Would you like to see something glorious and beautiful as your legacy?  May I suggest you stop walking solely on your own, with your own agenda and start walking with the God of the universe joining His?  You will discover dimensions of life you never dreamed possible even when the stuff of life seems to try to rip you apart.  God will bring it all together for His glory.