Long has been the recent walk with my parents. Painful at times, filled with laughter and love for the remaining majority. Given a gift from God, I was able to frequently be with my mom and dad as he battled diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. His treatment required a total pancreatectomy and whipple procedure. He become an instant insulin dependent diabetic, nearing the end required Total Parentral Nutrition eventually beating 80% of those diagnosed living one year and three months after diagnosis.
Our parents instilled in us the importance of family. Being together. Finding time to enjoy as much life together as possible, making these manifold gatherings the most precious of events of our lives. As my dad's demise started looking like a dragster race to the finish line, my upbringing told me that I was to sit, as much as possible in the seat with he and mom. Awkward and not seemingly efficient it did seem to slow our progress to the finish line, a good thing. My brother and/or I made it to every doctor appointment, (he living five and a half hour's drive away, me a scant one and a quarter). We missed only one or two in the initial stages. It seemed the natural thing to do even as these visits seemed to occur almost weekly toward the end. When care transferred from hospital to palliative, home visits, dad's primary care was in their own hands supported by regular nurse visits. Still, on occasion, there were outside doctor visits needed, but most care was home based, family supported care. It was good to watch he and mom take up the gauntlet of each challenging step as they forged together ahead toward the unknown. It just felt right. My brother Rick, mom, dad and I started thinking together, weighing out all the probable outcomes, the challenges, the goals, the details all processed together as a family. We again had numerous family times around the dinner table, mom, dad, Rick and I. Countless times growing up now these focused primarily on the care of our beloved parents.
Praying and interacting with God, I frequently found myself asking Him what I should do. I cherish His care and leading in my daily walk through this life. His answer? "Honor your father and your mother". This walk of faith requires diligent seeking, discernment, and contact with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords for the accomplishment of His challenges, unique in every situation. As I have discovered the scriptures are chronicles that reveal the character and nature of God. The word of God also shows what our human side of the relationship looks like at various times as others walked, but the day to day in between details of life and living are absent. What does it mean to honor your father and mother, exactly? What does that or is that supposed to look like?
For we Arii's, this all boils down to one thing. Family. Dad and mom filled their lives 'being there' for family. Weddings, graduations, our band concerts, Boy Scouts and Cub Scouting activities, from beginning to end, nothing made dad and mom happier than being together with family. Oh, and nothing made them happier than treating anyone they knew like family as well; inviting friends to participate with us or showing them the same Arii care that made everyone feel like family.
Scripture didn't tell us to go to dad's doctor appointments. It didn't specifically instruct us to stop our lives, occasionally living with them for long periods of time during the difficult transitions. It didn't instruct us how to also leave our parents to work things out as they have done so together for nearly six decades. However, listening to the still, quiet voice of God and the Holy Spirit does. Relying on the strength of our Lord in the details, sweet and challenging does. Living a godly life has to do with "doing only what the Father wants us do." This is accomplished is through a relationship with the Father. The only way we can possibly honor our father and mother is found as we examine our relationship through their eyes. The only way we can honor God is to examine relationships through His eyes. When we are able to discern what is important, doing what is right in the sight of our Lord. When I learn and do what is important to my wife, she will flourish. When we learn and do what is important in the lives of our friends, they will flourish. When we do what is important to our mother and father, they will flourish. When we learn what is important to my God, all relationships in our lives will flourish.
A life is best lived as 'one who honors'. My dad's passing, a week and a day ago, hits me hard from time to time. I will always cherish the memory of his reaching out to me to hold my hand as the end drew near, his way of letting me know I got it right. Honoring my father meant being together not only in the sweet times, also in the hard ones. Honoring my dad means I have also one more thing to do; officiate his memorial by his request. Dad passed the Arii torch to me and the shoes of this 5' 4" man seems impossible to fill. God has made it clear to me. As I honor my father, God will be honored as well. What has been instilled in me by my heavenly Father and my earthly one as well will serve well as a testimony of both.
What has been started in me, with my father will be completed in me by my Heavenly Father. It seems a daunting task. Impossible without focusing on the legacy left me by my father, coupled with the grace and leading of my heavenly Father as well. May we all live justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God.
