I've had many 'life changing moments' in my 56 years, and, I'm no one special. You've had yours as well. The longer I am allowed sentient presence here on planet earth, the more I am compelled to come to terms with its brevity. Fifty-six years may seem quite a few, but I can't believe how quickly the years vaporized bringing me to this spot I find myself sitting right now...with thirty year old children and one precious grandson. Last year I spent countless hours ushering my father off the planet. Every moment was an opportunity to praise and appreciate the man I was blessed to have as my dad. There were abundant times riddled with laughter and occasional times with generous tears. None of us fathers are perfect, I am perfect example of that. Only Jesus was perfect and He was never a father...although the things we could have learned if He were. This year has been another adventure, helping my mom find her place of continuance and life without the man who did so much to love and care for his special lady. It has been hard, but beautiful. I drank and drink in every moment.
It has been quite a while since I have blogged; this heart seemingly empty of words. Imagine that? But I needed a Sabbath. And I took it.
As I write, I sit with a yet unexplained sharp pain surging and receding in my abdomen. Yes, I've been to the doctor and have a procedure in the ready in two days. Normally ultrasounds get scheduled in three to four weeks. Not mine. My wonderful doc, pushed around and seemingly felt something. Something worth expediting my procedure. I have friends who have prayed with me and stand with me as I go through my days doing the work God gives me each day. This pain, this trouble 'feels' different.
Over a decade ago, I faced a lion. It seemed as if God was calling me home back then as a virus attacked my heart. Severely compromised, my life pump was unable to circulate my blood. Swollen to over twice its normal size, my heart was contracting with almost no efficiency. My pediatric nurse wife had seen children with young, vital hearts in similar state fail them and perish, believing mine was destined to do the same. I'll never forget peering into her eyes, the windows to her soul telling me the entire story. Of all the women in the world, I am married to the strongest champion of them. My five foot two angel would take on lions or armies as she stands with our Lord, but this was one she felt would not be conquered. I'll never forget that moment. Together we laid bare our hearts and together she stood with me mustering all the faith she could. Thankfully God indeed performed a miracle for us in my heart.
As I ponder the seemingly extra years God has established for me, I must admit each has held their opportunities of challenge and each has been overflowingly abundant with joys as well. Life tastes different when you get to take a bite of death or stare it in its eyes. Every day is met with regular doses of reality. Earlier I shared one recent challenge, walking with my dad until his worldly departure. While it was excruciating at times it was also part of the gift of joy, yes it was a gift, God's gift to my soul.
Too often I think we look at life believing that prosperity and ease are crucial to joy and happiness. I believe that to be the most immense deception. For I have found that pressing through difficulty or tragedy, arriving on the other side having been sustained through it is crucial to joy and happiness. My marriage to Carrie has had many challenging times. Most of these rose from our selfish desires or expectations we believed should fill our union (the majority were due to my misperceptions). As we pressed through them I learned so much about sacrifice and commitment. Our bond was strengthened by our persistence to work through it rather than throwing away our promise to one another. Our marriage, far from perfect, has become more perfect because we chose to value and stand before our Lord as His children in need of His strength and help, and help He did.
Together Carrie and I have faced the lion of death, finding favor from the hand of God, giving us more years together. But in all honesty, that just can't last here forever. I sit here writing, facing something unknown. With now regular intestinal pain, and consistent feeling of bloat, I know something is amiss. I also sense that this will become yet another challenge in my life, our life together. I cannot imagine walking this with anyone else other than the love of my life, the woman of my dreams, Carrie. She has stood with me and by me in every aspect of my life, pouring her heart and soul into this heart and soul. She has and will remain God's gift into my life. He gave me the best and I am humbled that He would choose for me such treasure.
My friends are praying that this current ailment is either healed or quickly remedied. While I would cherish that gift, having received it before, I also believe and have emphatically stated that ease and prosperity may not be the best of gifts. I will accept whatever God sends my way, trusting, just as before, that He will lead us through. His greatest gift may, to many, not seem so. But I have found that when I walk with Him, through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, no trial, no struggle. For He is with me/us. For those of you who pray, I would appreciate anything you feel He might lead you to ask on my behalf. And as we continue forward, I will continue sharing my stories of His greatest gifts to this small soul and follower of Jesus. Thank you for taking some time to read. I also wish to thank those of you who pray and will pray, for your time to care for us as you join us in whatever is ahead...simple or complex, God will provide His greatest gifts. You are one of them.
