Well, it's Christmas Eve day and I find myself raking up a plethora of golden leaves interspersed with a few ruddy, ruby red and occasional orange marbled limbless tree 'hands'. If this time of year is meant for reflection, this annual, twice weekly task forges much reflection as I could mindlessly rake, blow, sweep and scoop the seemingly endless collection into the green bin. Instead, I have learned to choose to enter into a 'work in God's garden' state, engaging Him in reflection. Each year, for the past 27, the number of leaves have grown exponentially as the three liquid amber trees grew from infancy to full grown behemoths.
I am reminded of young love as my then new bride missed the seasons of Michigan asking if we could plant some deciduous trees in the front yard of our new home; and, I obliged, stricken by her beauty and my desire as her young husband to bring her additional joy. Every year, in increasing increment, my angst would grow as the burden of gathering, for disposal, of the fall leaves increased. Yet for the many past years, the toil has been exchanged for joy, for these days, I would be considered a glass is half full kind of guy, though it hasn't always been so. Long story short, just ask my beloved. I have been transformed from a pessimist and oft angry man to one of far more grace and mercy, and this transformation is nothing short of miraculous!
Yes, now I gather the ever increasing armless 'hands' with great joy, my mental musings and reflections turn the increase of leaves into a reminder of the exponential increase in love for the partner God has blessed this life with. What started in ignorance and blind passion, has moved to great understanding and deep passion. What began with youthful expectations of love has blossomed to mature, rich and deep confirmations of love, and, I still trust that the increase will continue. For this love, this passion, my expectations, imperfect then, remain imperfect now, yet more perfect than the years previous. Such, reveals the glory and power of the transformation in a man, by God. You see, a chore (raking, blowing, sweeping and scooping leaves) has been transformed into a celebration. Yes, I am fortunate to have eyes to peer into such beautiful transformation because I choose to converse and reflect together with my Lord.
You see, God has transformed a bitter, frequently angry, pessimistic man, into one who now finds his half filled cup able to meet with disappointment, struggle, mourning and angst as a servant in His kingdom alongside others He brings my way. As I partner with Him, He takes my half filled cup, adds His power and presence flooding it to overflowing. I felt He might be calling me decades ago as one of His many ministers. Turns out He needed to use the past decades to do His work of preparation in this heart.
Thankfully I appreciate the lessons and conversations God has pressed in me as we have walked together through this life; Grateful for His provision of a life partner willing to pray and invest in me, as together we forged through the real struggles of life; Amazed at the transforming power of God to change this heart from one of pessimism to one of hope; Rejoicing that through all of life's changes and challenges, Carrie has stood by me, as I her; While I find myself standing on yet another precipice of vocational provision, I know I can trust Him and my beautiful bride always thankful for the leaves in my life.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Seeking Solitude and Silence
An interesting discovery overtook me tonight. I found myself wound up, feeling tense, frustrated and disturbed. Having just arrived home from a worship rehearsal (I am the sound man for our Christmas Eve service) I found myself just wanting quiet; you know absence of noise? This is something that I have come to really appreciate, being at home mostly by myself until these past 6 weeks.
Carrie, my wife, off work because of a physical ailment is now home most of the day and while she does things, leaves the t.v. on walking away from it often. Even though I am at home a lot, I rarely watch the tube, and yes, we have a wonderful 50 inch plasma and a tube HD television in the family room as well. So, in my frustration, I grabbed my copy of "Leadership" Magazine and headed to another room to find some solitude, or mostly a absence of "Property Virgins" or QVC.
While reading, the article was discussing the lack of engaging in inner conversation. And it hit me. Sure, I have my quiet time in the morning and my usual early morning routine. I, and the dog, have the place to myself for several hours before she arises, and it is time I cherish. I, however, have gotten used to the fact that she also used to leave for work, leaving me even more time to control my environment, and the tube is never on. Not so now and with her home and in need of care, I find myself doing so much more. Which is exactly what the article was talking about. Its major premise? That leaders become ineffective when they become entangled in the busyness of business and pastors get entangled with ministry sans solitude.
That's it! I am suffering from lack of extended time wrestling with God about the direction of my life. I thought it was the Christmas shopping and doing for my lovely wife> I thought that I was approaching the holiday overload that always seems to hit me about now. But alas, it is the solitude I seem to be missing. My time alone with myself and my God. It seems I have had plenty of conversations my wife, my friends, and others as I search for a new career. All good conversations, but not enough of the solitude I need. My lack of writing demonstrates my lack of wrestling with all that is in me; wrestling that is with all that is within me and with the God that is within me as well.
Something tells me that I am going to need the time of solitude and deep inner conversation with God by the time February rolls around (I'm working at a pastor's retreat focused on Learning, Leisure and Listening then).I need to find that place of solitude; that place of refreshment, that place unencumbered by the overwhelming 'noise' of the world. May have to grab a bunch tomorrow. Surely need it now. I find myself longing for and seeking solitude and silence. Hopefully, I will arrive soon.
Carrie, my wife, off work because of a physical ailment is now home most of the day and while she does things, leaves the t.v. on walking away from it often. Even though I am at home a lot, I rarely watch the tube, and yes, we have a wonderful 50 inch plasma and a tube HD television in the family room as well. So, in my frustration, I grabbed my copy of "Leadership" Magazine and headed to another room to find some solitude, or mostly a absence of "Property Virgins" or QVC.
While reading, the article was discussing the lack of engaging in inner conversation. And it hit me. Sure, I have my quiet time in the morning and my usual early morning routine. I, and the dog, have the place to myself for several hours before she arises, and it is time I cherish. I, however, have gotten used to the fact that she also used to leave for work, leaving me even more time to control my environment, and the tube is never on. Not so now and with her home and in need of care, I find myself doing so much more. Which is exactly what the article was talking about. Its major premise? That leaders become ineffective when they become entangled in the busyness of business and pastors get entangled with ministry sans solitude.
That's it! I am suffering from lack of extended time wrestling with God about the direction of my life. I thought it was the Christmas shopping and doing for my lovely wife> I thought that I was approaching the holiday overload that always seems to hit me about now. But alas, it is the solitude I seem to be missing. My time alone with myself and my God. It seems I have had plenty of conversations my wife, my friends, and others as I search for a new career. All good conversations, but not enough of the solitude I need. My lack of writing demonstrates my lack of wrestling with all that is in me; wrestling that is with all that is within me and with the God that is within me as well.
Something tells me that I am going to need the time of solitude and deep inner conversation with God by the time February rolls around (I'm working at a pastor's retreat focused on Learning, Leisure and Listening then).I need to find that place of solitude; that place of refreshment, that place unencumbered by the overwhelming 'noise' of the world. May have to grab a bunch tomorrow. Surely need it now. I find myself longing for and seeking solitude and silence. Hopefully, I will arrive soon.
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Peace of Salvation
Being ill, with a gastrointestinal virus, is never fun; However, it does allow a lot of thinking and praying time if one chooses to do so. My musings continue even when ill and in interesting ways brings comfort during such retching times (sorry if the metaphor is too literal).
Every year, we enter into a tizzy of comforting rituals as the year presses to it's end. Kicked off with a feast of thanksgiving and moving to the celebration of the birth of an amazing baby who transformed the world and how humans might view the way we live. Yet as the years pass, our eyes seem to dim, our hearts slowly loosing the passion that gushed into us the moment we understood the incredible way God chose to deal with our waywardness. Our focus shifts from the pondering to the doing, flooding our time with baking, shopping for that perfect gift, decorating our homes, inside and out, with lights, tree, trimmings, all the familiar parts of The Season.
Every year I find myself wrestling to receive some powerful revelation that seals the season for me. While finishing writing a Christmas song, and pondering it's words, I was struck by one line: "No room to be found as God entered His earth." A question arose in my heart. Why didn't God save one room, one place of comfort and 'home away from home' place for Mary, Joseph and Jesus? Though Jesus wasn't born in the dead of winter, He was born in late fall. Barns do not have heat, and a feeding trough for a baby's crib? A room was reserved for the flaming throws of the arrival of the Holy Spirit. A donkey was held in wait for the triumphal entry of Christ on Palm Sunday. Why wasn't there a single room held in wait for the birth of the King of King and Lord of Lords?
Prophesy meets with reality exposing the incredibly masterful way of a powerful God; one who will not use power and providence to seal our understanding of His majesty, but rather allow those who, with all the intelligence we can muster, find and see that He is who His is, the most holy, powerful, full of grace, almighty God. The life of Jesus Christ, is an amazing unveiling of power, forgiveness, the ugliness of sin, and our dire need for a savior. That such a God would 'reduce' Himself to the confines of His creation to fully demonstrate His character to the world, holds a deeply enlightening revelation for those who choose to peer deeply into the event and times of Jesus' presence on earth. No greater love can be exhibited by the Almighty, Glorious and Most Righteous Heavenly Father than this act of incredible humility and show of devastating power through simplicity. Can you see it? Can you understand the power? The majesty? The need to interact with such an amazing God?
The Peace of Salvation
November 18, 2010
In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man?
To be born in a stable a humble estate
In the hands of a baby, redemption awaits.
All the heavens would sing of this glorious way
A child fully King changed our lives Christmas day
As the world held its breath and a star shone its light
The peace of salvation lives on from this night.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
There was hustle and bustle in the town of His birth
No rooms to be found as God entered His earth
But His mother and Joseph just walked and obeyed
In a manger, in a barn the holy babe laid.
Yes their hearts were alight never once filled with fright
But a chill filled the air on that most holy night.
As the glory of God would now conquer the grave
For the peace of His birth would redeem and now save.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
It’s a magical season but not without pain
A suffering servant would soon walk in disdain.
As a man He was sinless and God’s glory would rise
Through the suffering angst filled with grace in His eyes.
He would meet with a harlot and sinners galore
And His passion would heal while His love would restore
Joy and hope to the hopeless with the lost to be found
Given peace that surpassed any peace then around.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
Silent night, holy night.
Wisemen led by starry light.
Radiance beams from this Godly face
In this dawn of redeeming grace.
Blessed heavenly peace
Soon we’ll live in heavenly peace.
In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man.
Every year, we enter into a tizzy of comforting rituals as the year presses to it's end. Kicked off with a feast of thanksgiving and moving to the celebration of the birth of an amazing baby who transformed the world and how humans might view the way we live. Yet as the years pass, our eyes seem to dim, our hearts slowly loosing the passion that gushed into us the moment we understood the incredible way God chose to deal with our waywardness. Our focus shifts from the pondering to the doing, flooding our time with baking, shopping for that perfect gift, decorating our homes, inside and out, with lights, tree, trimmings, all the familiar parts of The Season.
Every year I find myself wrestling to receive some powerful revelation that seals the season for me. While finishing writing a Christmas song, and pondering it's words, I was struck by one line: "No room to be found as God entered His earth." A question arose in my heart. Why didn't God save one room, one place of comfort and 'home away from home' place for Mary, Joseph and Jesus? Though Jesus wasn't born in the dead of winter, He was born in late fall. Barns do not have heat, and a feeding trough for a baby's crib? A room was reserved for the flaming throws of the arrival of the Holy Spirit. A donkey was held in wait for the triumphal entry of Christ on Palm Sunday. Why wasn't there a single room held in wait for the birth of the King of King and Lord of Lords?
Prophesy meets with reality exposing the incredibly masterful way of a powerful God; one who will not use power and providence to seal our understanding of His majesty, but rather allow those who, with all the intelligence we can muster, find and see that He is who His is, the most holy, powerful, full of grace, almighty God. The life of Jesus Christ, is an amazing unveiling of power, forgiveness, the ugliness of sin, and our dire need for a savior. That such a God would 'reduce' Himself to the confines of His creation to fully demonstrate His character to the world, holds a deeply enlightening revelation for those who choose to peer deeply into the event and times of Jesus' presence on earth. No greater love can be exhibited by the Almighty, Glorious and Most Righteous Heavenly Father than this act of incredible humility and show of devastating power through simplicity. Can you see it? Can you understand the power? The majesty? The need to interact with such an amazing God?
The Peace of Salvation
November 18, 2010
In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man?
To be born in a stable a humble estate
In the hands of a baby, redemption awaits.
All the heavens would sing of this glorious way
A child fully King changed our lives Christmas day
As the world held its breath and a star shone its light
The peace of salvation lives on from this night.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
There was hustle and bustle in the town of His birth
No rooms to be found as God entered His earth
But His mother and Joseph just walked and obeyed
In a manger, in a barn the holy babe laid.
Yes their hearts were alight never once filled with fright
But a chill filled the air on that most holy night.
As the glory of God would now conquer the grave
For the peace of His birth would redeem and now save.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
It’s a magical season but not without pain
A suffering servant would soon walk in disdain.
As a man He was sinless and God’s glory would rise
Through the suffering angst filled with grace in His eyes.
He would meet with a harlot and sinners galore
And His passion would heal while His love would restore
Joy and hope to the hopeless with the lost to be found
Given peace that surpassed any peace then around.
As the holy Lord Jesus God Himself became man
And the angels did sing yet could not understand
Silent night, holy night.
Wisemen led by starry light.
Radiance beams from this Godly face
In this dawn of redeeming grace.
Blessed heavenly peace
Soon we’ll live in heavenly peace.
In my wildest of dreams I just can’t understand
Why God would leave heaven and walk as a man.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Familiarity Can Factor Out Fervor and Fear
When God seems to answer our prayers in a positive manner (from our point of view) if we really stop to think about it, it is a very humbling experience. Why, would an all powerful, completely divine being entertain our requests and 'do' as we ask? He certainly is not required to respond to our bidding. When it came to healing, people would come to Jesus hoping to be restored to health as they approached Him, touched his garment, or got His attention. Yet, He didn't always give them what they thought they needed, at least at first. Many times His first response would be "Your sins are forgiven", or, as He stood by the prostitute, writing in the sand while watching her accusers walk away faced with their own issues of sin.
Many times we treat God as a heavenly "Santa Claus", asking for this or that in an almost flippant manner. Sure, we approach the throne of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, but how? Do we understand that we are approaching the heavenly of heavenlies, the throne room of the Almighty and Glorious God? Has familiarity factored out fervor and fear?
These days, I do make my requests known before my God, but I'm finding a different alignment; one of waiting and listening for His answer, leading and if He chooses, healing. Sure, I have seen Him perform outright miracles! I have also experienced the apparent 'lack' of miracle only to watch some of my dear friends and relatives check off the planet. Can I say that its all good? I didn't say 'its all easy', but I did say its all good. How do I know? Because I can trust in the most holy and righteous God. You see, its people who make wrong choices, never God. Its our expectations that can be misinformed or misdirected, But God cannot be such.
Yes, I ask God for miracles, and yes, He has provided legion in positive directions. I will continue to ask and wait, ask and wait. And, if His answer is 'no', I'll continue to ask and wait, for only He knows what is best for all. Only He can do the work of redemption, and only He can perform miracles, as our hearts align with His. May we never grow so familiar that we factor out fervor and fear before the most Holy God.
Many times we treat God as a heavenly "Santa Claus", asking for this or that in an almost flippant manner. Sure, we approach the throne of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, but how? Do we understand that we are approaching the heavenly of heavenlies, the throne room of the Almighty and Glorious God? Has familiarity factored out fervor and fear?
These days, I do make my requests known before my God, but I'm finding a different alignment; one of waiting and listening for His answer, leading and if He chooses, healing. Sure, I have seen Him perform outright miracles! I have also experienced the apparent 'lack' of miracle only to watch some of my dear friends and relatives check off the planet. Can I say that its all good? I didn't say 'its all easy', but I did say its all good. How do I know? Because I can trust in the most holy and righteous God. You see, its people who make wrong choices, never God. Its our expectations that can be misinformed or misdirected, But God cannot be such.
Yes, I ask God for miracles, and yes, He has provided legion in positive directions. I will continue to ask and wait, ask and wait. And, if His answer is 'no', I'll continue to ask and wait, for only He knows what is best for all. Only He can do the work of redemption, and only He can perform miracles, as our hearts align with His. May we never grow so familiar that we factor out fervor and fear before the most Holy God.
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