Facing Fears

I have been here before. We have (Carrie and I) been here before. It seems the end of another career with the pressing on to yet another? Another time of unemployment is unsettling for Carrie still, and honestly, for me as well. Yet, there is one lesson I hold to and embark upon every time I have been faced with this state of living; continue looking, doing and listening each day for the 'work' I am to accomplish within it. Some may call it a 'blind and worthless faith' that I hold to, but if one were to examine the details of my life, the movement and success of this soul's living, the opportunities, the challenges, the steps of faith which speaks volumes into lives, I call it a well placed faith.

Tonight, while going to a favorite restaurant, a tall young man approached me and asked, "Mr. Arii?". My gaze rose from the counter where I was standing and turning towards him, his expectation rose as well. I smiled and vaguely recognized his features. "Your...my brain reaching deep into the failing cells...Adam!" The astonished face of the man I last saw as a boy over 10 years ago as I taught a middle school science class, changed to a smile as he reached out his right hand vigorously shook mine. His parents followed quickly behind him and we engaged in a momentary conversation. Yes, it was a blessing to connect with a young man who was a past student who remembered me and wanted to see me again in this place. It was also wonderful to hear about his success as a business major and pitcher for a local college and now (from his proud dad) the # 1 pitcher in San Diego county. So there we stood, me with a grateful heart, filled with joy because of the tremendous sacrifice it took my family and wife to allow me to change careers and become a teacher, Adam's teacher.

Earlier, I spoke of yet another career change, and with education in dire straits and my job virtually vanishing, I find myself at another crossroad. My Facebook 'friends' are mostly past students, and stand as a testimony to the care I enjoyed investing in their lives. Adam's approach today speaks to that same investment. While working as a teacher, I found myself caring for young hearts. Now, while continuing to work with I find myself working with adults in my church. Adults who have lost love ones and walk the road of grief. Often these words in my blog have pointed to the pain and anguish my friends face as my footprints have led me into their circle.

In talking with my wife this morning while out to breakfast, I discovered that she is uneasy with my unemployment, compounded by her feeling 'buried' at work. She confesses trust in our Lord for His provision, and she is looking forward to seeing it happen, but the waiting...is hard.

My days are filled with doing. I am finishing home building projects, carefully monitoring the financial aspect of it all, and volunteering for other tasks as they arise. Various light handyman jobs, writing, teaching an Adult Sunday School class at church, leading a grief recovery group, writing music, singing and playing my instruments at a local hospital, cooking for large groups and my family, counseling a few people and selling a car are just a few of the 'tasks' I participates in as the weeks advance. All of them monetarily unpaid. My days are filled with doing.

While I am not making an money (with the exception of selling the car), I am getting paid. I get paid with thanks, smiles, words of encouragement, and just the satisfaction that I know, as I do, I am making a difference; not in stuff, but in people's lives. The things I have been doing have made other's lives a bit easier, or added joy, or peace or encouragement.

Life is not about monetary pay. It is about facing fears full on and finishing with strength and integrity. It is about doing in the day and receiving pay in ways more satisfactory than money alone. Maybe this is why I truly loved teaching. Sure, I got paid for it, but the richest part of my paycheck was the smiles and connections I made with my students. So, the pay continues as I do and invest in the lives of my friends and community. No, its not in dollars, and no, you cannot eat if you don't get paid. Yet I know, just as He has in the past, that God will lead me into His riches, and no one can claim his wealth, it's all His.

As we face fears and trust Him, he promises to care for us. He has yet to fail me and I know and believe God never will. What fears are you facing? Who are you trusting for the answer to your fears? What are you doing while you are waiting for something to happen? It might be the way I'm designed, but surely, I cannot just sit on the couch, or in front of my computer, doing nothing. If you find yourself unemployed, what are you doing? How are you getting 'paid'? If you are just sitting on the couch, watching the flat screen, maybe that is why you aren't even the recipient of the richest form of pay found within this blog. Let's together face our fears and listen for God's call in...today.