Yesterday in church, God stopped me on my journey. My pastor, speaking from the pulpit about confession spoke the words that were an arrow to my heart, nailing an ailment that purveys our hearts in plain view. It is the purveyor of hurt, angst and illness that has struck us with a disease that we do not fully recognize. It reminds me of times, when I was sick, and if it weren't for my friends and wife pointing it out, I would not have sought doctors to help me with my ailment.
Surely you have been there before? One such illness I had was a time when I was frequently coughing. I did not notice it but then friends and relatives mentioned it to me. I coughed often and frequently but it had become such a part of my life that I paid no attention to it. After friends commented to my wife and I about my coughing, my wonderful wife started pointing out many time I coughed. I was surprised! I started blaming her, and other things for my 'tick', trying to ignore it and use self found remedies, like cough drops to fix myself. Finally, after little success, going to the doctor, he diagnosed me with small airway disease or the beginnings of asthma. Treatments began, my health fully returned and even when I got other illnesses, they didn't end up in my lungs with pneumonia as had always been the case. I didn't realize I was sick and my compromised state affected me constantly causing additional problems when other illnesses attacked me!
Jesus stopped me and got my attention when my pastor, while preaching on confession, stated that when we receive criticism, we immediately place part or most of the blame on someone else or something else. The full purpose? To lighten our burden and potentially even cast it away, so we do not even deal with the part that is fully ours! We excuse ourselves, instantly reducing our load of guilt by attaching as many others as we can to 'share in it'. No one, including myself, wants to accept blame, full blame for the part they 'own' anymore. We all seek and finds places other than ourselves to place the 'blame' removing any part of our need for change, confession and seeking of forgiveness. This process has driven our legal system to absurdity and is in fact responsible for taking an abundance of our money from our pockets.
Ouch.
I wish I could say that I have arrived, fully understand and do as I should, and occasionally, I do. I have been accused of many wrongs in my life, haven't we all? As I have shared these accusations and my responses with my closest of friends each have risen up to bolster me, trying to help me by sharing why the accusation is surely false, because they know my character. How often they are surprised, and sometimes even angered that when counseled to defend myself, I often do not. Instead, I examine the accusation asking myself the question: "What part of this do I own?". Sure it hurts!!! It can often be like going to the dentist to fill a cavity without anesthesia! Did I make the point? But, what I can say is that when I wrestle with the heart of the issue, own up to my part, seek forgiveness for that which has not been purified in my character, and especially do not retaliate in anger or defense, abundant and powerful healing has occurred! Jesus Himself comes and pours salve in my wound, cares for it and miraculously heals it, transforming my heart into one of compassion and understanding as I examine all the reasons why I should apologize and seek restoration from the accuser.
It is here where even the accuser is surprised when I share with them what parts are true and why. Rather than focus on the parts that don't fit and excuse me from the accusation, they are stunned at the way it had affected me towards humility, and my desire to empty myself of pride. I have discovered that the harder I push against the accusation, the more guilty I really am!
As I sit here unemployed, there are many things I could choose to focus on as to why I don't deserve to be 'in this place'. I can place the blame on an insensitive boss, or the fact that they never fully understood how much of my life I poured into my job as I worked for them. I can blame the poor economy affecting the finances of schools, or a myriad of justifiable events surrounding my circumstances. In short, I can go through these days defending myself and justifying why I am living in an 'unfair, unreasonable' state. But thinking of these things will not 'fix' anything or get me re-employed.
However, if in honest humility I sit here, take full stock of my character and the development God wants to press into me, I then am free to take the next step after I come to terms with what I own and what He wants to transform in me. I need your help to keep me accountable to this task, and we need each other to all walk in this state of discovering the ills that infect us. However, it is not enough to discover them, even with the help of others. We must choose to recognize them fully as they are exposed, wrestle with them until we have come to some understanding of the need of transformation, place it in the hands of our Lord, seek forgiveness from those who we have wronged, and as we do, find the healing that will help us move with a freeing power and conviction that will pour grace, God's grace into the lives of those we spend our time. If we all choose to accept our contribution to the problems around us, deal with them and seek forgiveness, we wouldn't all be 'ill'.
No comments:
Post a Comment