As we press ahead to our 28th anniversary, having exceeded numbers of years 'independent' having spent more time together married than 'single', it is fun to see the lives of a young couple preparing to embark on the journey of sharing life together. Last night I was the sound man at our church for the wedding rehearsal of Kyle and Amanda (soon sharing the name of Smith). They appear young, around 19 or 20 and are unknown to me, yet as I watch them and their family gather together for this event and will see, as a stranger, the start of their commitment, I consider it an honor to be a minuscule part of their joyous celebration.
Weddings for me, wisk me back to the day I pledged my heart to the one who captured it with her character. It serves as a reminder and, as I watch the couple do the same, also reminds me of how little I knew about the depth of the commitment I was making over a quarter of a century ago. For in all honestly, I thought that my feelings of joy and great love had reached it's pinnacle and would carry me for the rest of our years together. It was only a plateau though, and now, through the years together, I have fully realized that the pinnacle is yet to come!
I am no less married today than I was back then. However, I can honestly say that the depth of my love and care for Carrie has been forged through working through struggle and difficult times (we still continue to do so, occasionally, today) as well as the joyous and ordinary events of sharing our lives together. I have come to learn that the challenges we faced and forged through have yielded the richest of joys on 'the other side', having slogged through it together. Often it wasn't graceful, but that too leads to the humor as we reflect upon those times.
The tragedy of many marriages these days, is that we have raised kids without seeing their parents work through such struggles, opting to go it alone instead. Please hear me, I do not look down on them, nor is it my intention to ridicule them. I have had many times of self-centered desires to walk away from my commitment, and can easily see how it could have overtaken me if it weren't for God intervening in my heart. In many ways, I stand in awe that Carrie has chosen to stay with me, yet I understand her commitment as well, and we are both thankful for one another and for the grace we have been allowed to have to stick to it. For as I stated in my vows, God alone would provide the grace I need to be the man she would have for the rest of her life, and by His grace, Carrie and I stand here together.
I wish I could say life together is easy. It is always easier when we arrive at the other side of the struggle. And can I also say that the sweetness of arriving there IS worth the pain of the path that we endured? ABSOLUTELY!!!!
I wish I could believe that the struggles we face as Americans is coming to an end. Frankly, I think it would be a travesty if it did. Don't we all get it? Some of our greatest triumphs rise out of our greatest struggle. But it isn't man's solutions that solve them. If we truly look, deeply examine the depths of the solution, while man participated, it was God who brought the results and answers, as they were too complex for even our best efforts to accomplish. Just like the national budget and all the other ails of our nation, it is beyond us to solve.
As I reflect on the bigger picture, marriage is the microcosm of life. It is complex and simple all at the same time. We start out thinking 'we've got this one', and then as we press ahead realize that what we stepped into was beyond what we are able to successfully navigate unless we find the way to sacrifice; unless we engage the learning of working together to bring success into the relationship. The secrets to a great marriage are found beyond myself and my own perceptions; the truths of life and the way we make differences every day are found in the living for others not ourselves, and for me, listening and following the God who created me. When I get this right, life forges ahead in similar fashion of Jesus, who cared and invested in people, ordinary and extraordinary. The more I give, the more love grows.
It is time for our nation to grow up and return to our roots, looking to God for answers and His leading and blessing as a result of our obedience to fall on our nation and our marriages!!! God will bless America, but America must choose to bless and honor Him in order to allow Him to do so. He will and has done the same in my marriage, and it seems like Kyle and Amanda too have the faith required to join the ranks of us whose marriages survived decades of trials by the grace of our Lord.
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