When I think about marriage, what I thought it was and what it has become, after over 32 years together with my girl, it is time for an additional category in the 'Of Footprints and Faith' blog....
Tidbits of things I have learned through the years, making a commitment, enduring and endearing.
This opening volley was recent discovery, on accident, maybe led by The Spirit, through prayer as I desired to continue down the trail of marriage. Two things I have done that have had monumental impact and change in Carrie's attitude and sweetness toward me as we continue growing together in marital richness. These two acts have done more than flowers or gifts of any kind in our years together, and have led to more such acts, from time to time that show my bride honor and cherishing from the man she loves.
So, enough of the drama, let's get on to it. The two things I speak of are, one taking out the trash before she asks, or, if, on occasion I miss the approaching spillage level, when she asks, drop what I am doing and do it immediately, and two, doing the dishes with great frequency, whenever I see a pile, small or overflowing in or around the sink, on the stove, you get my drift.
Yes, at first her response was skepticism, and she wondered if I would continue, or if it just a whim, and I had to work hard at the regularity of the doing, but, I persisted. The noticing ended, invisible, without thanks, but that is not why I decided to do and persist. What I noticed was as I persisted, she became more pleasant, more joyful, seeming more satisfied in a subtle sort of way, a way one can't put a finger on, but definitely different, definitely better.
The subtle change might best be explained in the following:
There was a time when we were getting fresh eggs from a dear friend's chickens. We enjoyed them eating them with thankfulness. It was a nice treat. But we discovered that when we ran out and had to purchase store bought, the eggs tasted different, and 'not as good' as the fresh laid eggs from our friends. This is the kind of difference my two things made in our marriage, subtle yet intrinsically significant in flavor. Our partnership just seemed better, richer, more savory than before...and this discovery took me over 30 years to understand.
As I ponder the idea of marriage, honestly my view and reasoning for existing in this state has dramatically changed. Early days found being with Carrie as a feeling, something that just seemed make me feel better, happier, in love. I was getting something out of the relationship and I'm sure she was too. But as time went on, the feelings changed. Our togetherness wasn't about 'feeling' but became comfortable in the sharing of life, it's challenges and joys walking through, together. The richness of sharing life together was blessed and transforming. Now, I see marriage as not something I get out of it, rather something I give to bless and honor the woman I love. And finally we find ourselves...here, having endured and persisted to many years of togetherness, I love her all the more.
Perhaps that is the 'reason' my two things work. Perhaps our enduring marriage comes from commitment and honor, and by taking out the trash and doing dishes demonstrates to her, that I do both, commit and honor her.
These things all started changing when, as I engaged my Lord, He seemed to tell me I need pray for her; not that she'd be a good wife, but that I find the way to become a great husband enabling her to become the most beautiful woman of God He desired of her, and it didn't stop at these two things.
Perhaps I will share some of the many things God has led me to as husband and leader of my home; things that I wished I had known earlier on as I raised my family. But for now, if you find your marriage 'stuck' or feeling worn, I make simple suggestion. First, pray for her. Second, ask God what it is you can do to honor her, help her become the woman of God He intends. Third, do what He says. REALLY do what He says and stick to it. Not for the accolades and thankfulness. In spite of her doubts that you will persist. If you start with step one, and continue, you will find persistence and the spark in her eyes will glow. Every woman wants to be cherished, not with words, with actions, addressing her needs. Maybe it isn't taking out the trash, but here's a place to start. Maybe it isn't with doing dishes, but why not start there?
As Carrie and move through life, together, I am blessed and thankful for her years of dedication and love expressed toward me and in our family. She is the ideal for a woman of God and faithful wife. An enduring and endearing marriage requires faithfulness and diligence, honor and sacrifice. Here's a place to start. Maybe you will discover this treasure much earlier in your married life sharing more years ahead of beautiful, rich partnership through life. For me, 32 years is not near enough, and I pray for another 32 years, if allowed, to grow closer, deeper and spiritually richer, together.
No comments:
Post a Comment