I am not used to 'failure', but every now and then, I get 'bit' by it. When you risk much, and are adventurous, failure is a option, but as one continues, and learns resourcefulness and the humility of asking frequently for help, one discovers that frequency of failure wanes. But, as it's frequency becomes rare, when it does hit, it hits hard. I've heard it said that the overall amount of pain in delivering a child (for the mother) is a given, and that if you have a long delivery, that pain is spread out over a longer time than a short one. Not sure the statement is true, but just like in delivery of a child, the pain, and it's remembrance fades, with the joys of the the beauty of new life warming a mother's heart...at least until the teenage years.
It isn't important what it is that I've failed in, and most might think it 'not a big deal', but I am stuck, and need to hand it off to another, as it is impinging on what I am really called to, ministering and caring for people. To get it off the plate though, because people are curious, I have hit a wall in a computer program that our tech team uses for media presentation at church on Sundays. We had our old server crash, and were almost ready for it with a new one, but the old software won't work well on it, (never really did), and I am done with it.
This said however, the reason why I have worked so diligently in fixing and getting everything working again, is because it's absence (the server's)has caused great difficulty in the life of the staff. Being unemployed, and having past knowledge of servers and computers, I took it on to help my friends. Enlisting my sons, who know more about computers and servers than I do, along with other, more experienced cohorts in the industry, we have managed to get things back up and almost finished, except for this one piece of crucial software. Other software packages have been updated to work with the new server, and some others 'killed', no longer used, but I'm not sure updating this software will be worth the expense of updating...and research shows a lot of dissatisfaction with the newer versions, other software being more robust, but also more challenging to use.
It may be time for us to rise to new challenges.
No one 'likes' to fail. I being king of those who used to loathe failure. But failure is made most hideous when lessons are not learned, and growth is not forged within. We all know some who never seem to learn the lesson and revisit failure after similar failure. Eventually we loose sympathy, empathy, and care that they continue.
This failure speaks volumes in my life. I am able to help and do much and thankful for the grace to do so. As I age, I have also come to learn that just because I can do it, doesn't mean it is mine to do. In addition, just because I start it, it may not be mine to finish. How do I know? Truly it comes as I sit with my God and wrestle with the things in my life. His direction and urgings point me, comfort me when afflicted, and help me see what is valuable in life.
As I walk through this life, a simple man, I have come to see that unfolding around me is God's heart of grace, seen in and through His people,of whom I am but one. We all fail, we all wrestle with finding solutions, we all get hurt and healed, grow and die. Failure is an option, but doesn't have to mean the end. It is the door to learning and a way to help us understand our shortcomings. A man of humility will accept and learn from them. A heart bent towards God will allow Him to guide us and comfort us in the affliction of failure. He will use His people as part of that comfort...and part of the affliction. But if we are people of grace, we will see all as His glory added within us. As we mature, even when others add affliction to our lives, we will remember that we did and do plenty of it ourselves. Here's hoping we all learn, from our failures.
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