The footprints of other's of faith can be found as I peruse their Facebook pages. I find it humbling to have access to so many young lives, some who passed through my classroom decades ago, others, friends of my kids. The blessing of the internet allows continued connection in ways never before accessible. I am thankful that many young lives have trusted me to continue knowing what moves them through life through social media. It is a joy to watch them take new steps.
Today, it seems to be a season of union, many saying "I do" to the loves of their lives and the adventure ahead with intimate partner. The trip of a lifetime can be found as a marriage moves through its courses. Having been married for over 30 years, we have discovered a few tidbits of wisdom. Carrie and I walked these decades listening to many dear friends whose investment in us leads us to do the same in others. As we walk through the sandy beaches of life, we hope our lives leave footprints of faith for others to follow as we follow our God, together.
There is nothing more energizing than the merging of two compatible lives. My bride and I have discovered we have many interests in common. Both Carrie and I grew up liking Snoopy. I still like Snoopy, but she elevates it to a fuller level; so much so that the wife of a recent couple staying with us asked, "Who is the Snoopy lover?". Yes, Snoopy (and on occasion the entire Peanuts gang, permeate the decorative theme of our home, and we both enjoy it. We also find the Craftsman style of furniture appealing as well, having made the financial commitment (encouraged by many bargains) purchasing many pieces for our home.
There are, however, many differences as well found in marital union and many can seem in opposition. You don't have to agree on everything, you just need to flex through your differences. So many of these 'differences' keep things interesting for both of you as they have for us. Carrie is extremely talented at sewing and crafting, many tell me I am talented in music and writing. She used to play the clarinet and I'm sure was quite good at it, but no longer pursues musical endeavors. I still continue growing musically, having merged my word crafting with tunes to create songs. We continually give one another plenty of 'space' to deepen development of our differences. I'm like the attention deficit disorder poster child of interests moving from one thing to another trying new things, mixing them with old (a past love of kite flying being one of them). She is stable, sure and consistent (sticking to and finishing her projects) something I continue learning as important for many parts of life and living. We rarely watch movies together as neither of us enjoys a shared genre, and we rarely watch the networks or movies at all.
Of all the things we have learned through marriage, the most important seems to be quite simple. Marriage is not for the meeting of our own needs. Instead, the most satisfying and joy instilling times have been when we realize that the purpose of our marriage to is encourage development and growth in our spouse to become the best Godly example possible. For me, I want her to feel honored by her husband. When I drop all things, peer into her heart through her eyes and just listen, she falls in love with me more and more. I have also learned not to solve her issues but rather pray that God lead her to solution so she can grow. I may ask her some clarifying questions, to get her thinking, but stop there. Here is where knowing a powerful God transforms a marriage. I trust Him with her.
Another thing we have committed to is to never join in a conversation that speaks of our spouses shortcomings with others. While others may frequently denigrate their spouses and while we fully know one another's faults, we choose not to spread ours around. We have learned to enjoy speaking of the things that are blessings in marriage, including the trials that demonstrate our need for one another. Marriage isn't perfect, it is the process of perfecting us as we learn to live life together. How much more profitable is it to speak of the way we chose to accept rather than join in destruction or commiseration of character, especially of one we say we love.
Intimacy requires trust, favor and acceptance. It is far more than outward attraction and physical desire. Marriage is designed for character building; development of integrity, honor, favor, deep and meaningful love. In its deepest sense, marriage is most successful when it focuses on the other rather than self. We have found that when we sacrifice our needs, to meet the other's, the depth of relationship moves far beyond what we could ever dream or imagine. We have found that our marriage, built on trust and faith has kindled the most fulfilling friendship we could ever have on earth. Perfect harmony rises through discord and sacrifice. A joyful marriage erupts when we choose to celebrate our spouse and honor their life. Don't believe the lies of the world. Chose to live differently. Consider how to spur one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24 in the Bible). This alone will keep and transform our marriages for decades.
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