Only Time Will Tell

I've been at this blogging thing for many years and I'm thinking about shutting it down.  Not for all the reasons most would think though.  It isn't because after all these years I only have a 'few' readers/ followers.  It isn't that I'm growing weary of the writing.  There are plenty of 'things' to write about, I have many 'drafts' not posted, and some of the posted ones probably should be relegated back to drafts.  Sometimes I think I can write about 'nothing' and someone might enjoy reading it.  I didn't blog looking for fame or fortune, that kind of stuff just isn't in the cards for me, nor do I desire either.

I think I have come to the realization that reading the writings of an ordinary guy trying to live a life of faith, real faith, thinking about simple things just may not be worth much in a world where reality shows have far more 'realistic?' drama than this life.  Heck, even the love of my life, my wife doesn't 'follow' or 'read' my blog.  Maybe it's because she lives with me and doesn't feel the need to read my musings, she walking alongside these footprints of faith; I'll have to ask her.  My most faithful reader, my father (at least he told me he read every blog), passed away last year, and part of my blogging efforts were to somehow show him that living a life of faith isn't grand and holier than others, but humble, tangible and not so much unlike who he was.  Heck, dad lived a more representative life of a believer than me, his son, only dad didn't believe there was a God like the one I believe in...until maybe as he approached the end.

My reasons for blogging may have all been wrong.  I may come across arrogant and stuffy.  My words may actually speak entirely contrary to what I thought I've been trying to profess, and maybe it is because I have shared everything except my failures.  Maybe it is my insecurities that restrain me from sharing my imperfections.  While many have told me I am a good teacher, when I look back, there are so many things I wish I would have said and done differently as I taught.  When I look at my kids, they being adults now, I can see the many times I have failed to teach them or might have hurt them in my own arrogance or stuffy selfishness.

Now before you think I'm just beating up on myself, my Bible tells me not to think of myself more highly than I ought.  Those are 'interesting' words.  It doesn't say not to think of myself highly, just more highly than one ought. I am just trying to take an honest look at the time investment I make here regularly and the real value of doing so.  I guess what I am saying is that I'm reassessing what has value in my life and doing.  I know sleep has tremendous value in our lives, and as I sleep, I certainly don't blog, or pray or dream (until lately...I've had a few I can remember now).  But the silence (except for my snoring) as I sleep is essential to healthy living.  Maybe a blog silence might be healthy for my life...just sayin' (as they say these days).

So now I find myself blogging about not blogging.  Maybe the next thing you know, I'll be joining a monastery heading to a life of a recluse...okay, let's not go that far...I think.  As my head hits the pillow shortly, maybe I'll recover from my 'blogging blues' this all part of a bad dream, or maybe not.  I guess you and 'the world' won't know until later...should more blogs appear after this one.

I suppose, only time will tell.